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Archive for March, 2009

Hot links are the future for Vince Young

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 31, 2009

Some people didn’t believe me when I reported that Vince Young wanted to share his sausage with the world. Here is photo evidence and it’s important to note that Young has it right: When appearing on a package of hot link one should always wear a suit and tie.

It seems like yesterday we saw Young failing at the forward pass in the NFL and today the weekly special at Kroger. I wonder if the Vince Young Hot Links Family Pack comes with a prescription for Prozac and a complimentary trip to therapy.

Seems strange that Vince Young is selling Hot Links considering his Wonderlic score resulted in a court order forbidding him from being near an open flame.

Posted in Hot Links, NFL, NFL Football, Tennessee Titans, Vince Young | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »

The fans of the Siena Saints are accused of not being so saintly

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 31, 2009

As March Madness is coming to a close & I’m constantly cursing my picks because they’re failures, I’m reminded of the upset picks that I successfully picked. One such pick was Siena over Ohio State.

In what was one of the better opening round games this year the Saints of Siena defeated the Buckeyes of Ohio State in Dayton Ohio. Local Ohioans were heart broken and to compound matters worse the fans of Siena were apparently drunk and rowdy leaving Dayton residences and Ohio State fans with delicate sensibilities upset. The Albany Times Union reports that one Ohio State fan in particular had the following to say:

Thank God Siena fans have left Dayton, Ohio! Your local fans were anything but saints when they were in Dayton for the NCAA Tournament. The students were drunk, rude and profane. Worst yet, the adults, alumni and parents were just as bad. Thank the UD Arena security officer’s restraint for not throwing all of them out on Sunday. Fans cursed out security officers and other fans. The yelling of the “F” word in front of elderly and young children was unbelievable. Is it like this at home or is this just a gift to those they visit? Louisville spared Indy. Don’t come back!

If you would like to know where to buy hcg drops please go this diet website.

Gene Jarman
West Carrollton, Ohio

Sweet! Not only were student drunk but the parents and alumni were plastered as well. Now I do not condone the yelling of the “F” word in front of children or the elderly however how many of you reading this has been in a sports bar where there is always one dude in an Ohio State jersey making an ass of his self? I bet that one dude will also write strongly-worded letters to out-of-state newspapers as well.

Please note I’m not picking on Ohio State (this time) but rather I’m picking on “Gene” because if people don’t hear the “F” word from drunken basketball fans, they won’t hear it anywhere else. Not at the park, not in the nursing home, and definitely not at the bingo parlor. Get my point? And quite honestly I’ve been to a regional in Dayton (1995)…everyone should thank God when they leave.

Posted in March Madness, NCAA Basketball, Siena, drunk, ohio state buckeyes, tOSU | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Vaya Con Dios, Billy Clyde

Posted by Joel on March 30, 2009

billy-clyde-gillispie

Last year, I wrote a piece on Kentucky basketball and their lack of NBA lottery picks the past few years. Anytime we have posted about Kentucky basketball, it is highly read by some Wildcat fans. This post was different though. This one was picked up by a Wildcat blog, and by the time I got off of work, there were 96 comments that were left on the posting. 110 total comments would be posted. Thomas and the Moderator were amazed and pissed at the same time, and frustration over sensitive Wildcat fans invading the place set in. Some of the favorite comments were:

Wow! I love me some jealous, unclassy, can’t look at your own coach’s immoral personal life, still looking for that elusive elite eight, Tennessee Volunteers! Whoa!!!! The round of 16! Everyone come to UT: Where we guarantee mediocrity!-Kyle

I don’t discount your point about the name of the arena being racist. But the rest of your “point” is off to say the least! You are talking about UK not having any players drafted in the lottery, but UT hasn’t even had any players drafted in Pearl’s time. By the way Hopson didn’t leave UK’s program.

Jealousy will not get you anywhere when it comes to recruiting. So now recruiting an 8th grader gets you compared to R.Kelley sexual assault? You should be ashamed of yourself for such a statement. Than again I shouldn’t be surprised, I’ve read your “writing” before!-Jack

1st Round NCAA Tourney exit = Back-to-back bowl bids to ritzy Shreveport.-3rd Down H Back

UK built SEC basketball the same way Alabama built SEC football.

So in response to all of the commentators, I wrote this piece in response to all of the comments. Didn’t really matter though, Wildcat fans were pissed, and even a Pulitzer prize winning journalist (I think) by the name of John Clay of the prestigious (wait, let me get this right) Lexington Herald-Ledger chimed in. Side note: I am still waiting on a response from this Peabody award winning journalist to the e-mail that I sent him.

To all of you Wildcat fans who said that Kentucky was back and happy days were here again, let me just say…

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, good luck in trying to get the sexy name coach. Donovan and Wright have already turned you down. Calipari has a LOADED recruiting class coming in and has FedEx and International Paper money paying his high salary. Anthony Grant, a really good coach, was already snatched up by Alabama. The fact remains that Kentucky, for all of its glitzy facilities and rabid fanbase, will have to really overpay for its next head coach, which means you might have a shot at Cal, but doubtful. Seriously, who would want to coach with reporters like this???


Posted in Billy Clyde, Billy Donovan, Billy Gillispie, College Basketball, Fail, Kentucky Wildcats, SEC, SEC Basketball, SEC Coaches, Sports | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

The question is: Did it taste like chicken?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 30, 2009

As I mentioned in an earlier posting, spring is here, the pollen count is up and more South Carolina Gamecocks are being arrested and/or suspended. 

The latest victim…err….perpetrator is fullback Dustyn McElroy. The Po Po says that the 22 year-old was getting his St. Patrick’s drink on at a bar called the Village Idiot in the dreaded Five Points area of Columbia. While there at the Idiot, this moron is involved in an altercation where his Hannibal Lecter shown through and he bit…yes bit another man on the face. 

I have to ask: Did he taste like chicken? I mean really. According to the report, when a man tried to break up the fight, McElroy placed him in a “bear hug” and bit him on the left cheek, causing a “severe facial laceration.” 

Apparently McElroy wasn’t satisfied with the taste of human flesh and then decide to punch & shatter a storefront window of an art gallery that is adjacent to the Village Idiot.

Michael Jeffcoat, McElroy’s attorney, claims McElroy acted in self-defense after seven men jumped him on the sidewalk outside the bar.

“He’d been attacked by seven guys and he just wanted to get away,” Jeffcoat said. “They jumped on him and he didn’t have any choice but to defend himself.”

I have to agree. I know that if I was jumped by numerous people I would have to punch a storefront window. That’s in the Chuck Norris self defense manual. 

This isn’t the first time McElroy has been in trouble with the law, he pleaded guilty in November to a previous charge of assault and battery of a high and aggravated nature, and was sentenced to 18 months probation.

Posted in Crime & Punishment, Fights, Five Points, SEC, South Carolina Gamecocks, Taste like chicken, Village Idiot, dumbass | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

How to dance into the heart of a former gymnast

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 27, 2009

The way to win a former Olympian gymnast’s heart is ever so simple: duct tape, a handgun, a shotgun and a shotgun. At least that’s what Robert O’Ryan, 34, thought when he went to break onto the set of ABC’s Dancing with the Stars earlier this week. He had thoughts of love about Shawn Johnson.

Shawn Johnson is the 2008 Olympic women’s balance beam gold medalist, the individual all-around silver medalist, the 2007 all-around World Champion, and the 2007 and 2008 U.S. all-around champion. In case you didn’t know. Luckily for those Chinese gymnasts, they’re not allowed to dance.

Johnson was hanging out on the set of Dancing with the Stars while O’Ryan was busy jumping a fence at ABC studios and was subsequently stopped by security. He just wanted to meet Johnson because even though she doesn’t know it yet, they’re soul mates and are destined to have babies together.

“He believes (Johnson) is speaking to him personally through the television and via ESP and that he will be with her no matter what,” Johnson’s court papers state.”

So she told him via ESP to come take her away, but she also told him to bring two guns and some duct tape? That’s a kinky bitch.

Erin Andrews tells me via ESPN that we belong together.

This tale of love gone awry ends typically: a restraining order has been filed and O’Ryan is being held on $35,000 bail on suspicion of carrying a loaded firearm in public. William Shakespeare couldn’t have written a more tragic ending.

It’s too bad this didn’t happen when Mark Cuban was on the show. Security might have allowed the guy to enter the building.

However I believe if he truly loved her he would have been wearing adult diapers and a wig. Come on man, act like you give a shit!

Posted in Crime & Punishment, Dancing with the Stars, Gymnastics, Shawn Johnson, Stalking | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

“I loved coaching you girls, here’s a photo of my spike”

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 27, 2009

For the past several weeks I’ve written about at least one high school coach doing bad things that involve kids and this is no exception.

Meet Jeffrey Steffens, he currently plays volleyball for Sacramento State and used to coach the freshmen girls team at Union Mines High School in from Oct. through Dec., 2008.

Like all good coaches he chose to keep in touch with his former players and follow their development as volleyball players. He also kept them in the loop about his development of his penis by sending photos of it via a cell phone. For odd reason I can see a text message coming in before the photos saying “DUZ THIS LK INFECTED 2 U?”

And now for perhaps the dumbest quote of the week:

“Union Mine varsity volleyball coach Mike Yates says he knows Steffens. “He works hard, he cares about the kids,” he said. “I don’t think he messed up, I just think he got caught up in a screwy situation.”

Of course the photos came to the attention of school officials and thankfully so and Steffens was subsequently arrested. He’s already posted bail. This is why I only show pics of my wang to my parents. You know they’re not gonna call the cops. Correct me if I’m wrong but aren’t high school freshmen like four-freaking-teen years-old?

I wonder if his defense will be “I meant to show them my six pack, but the camera slipped.” Steffens will be seeing many more back row attacks in prison.

This is the most tragic volleyball story I’ve heard since Gary broke his foot right before the game where Zack could win Mr. Carosi’s car.

Posted in Crime & Punishment, Sicko, Volleyball | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »

Wife of Pirates prospect accused of robbing the cradle

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 26, 2009

As most of you know by now I’m a diehard Boston Red Sox fan what some might not know is that my favorite NL team is the Pittsburgh Pirates. Yeah yeah I know it’s not a real franchise anymore.

If one believes that any press is good press including negative press, then boy the Pirates are in luck! It seems the wife of one of their top minor league prospects is being questioned in the apparent kidnapping of a baby from a Plant City, Fla. health clinic.

Thankfully the two month-old was returned unharmed one day after allegedly being taken from its parents by Amalia Tabata Pereira, 43, who happens to be the wife of Pirates’ minor league outfielder Jose Tabata, 20. Wow a umm 23 year difference in age…alrighty then.

Fortunately for Jose, all the 43 year-olds in Altoona (where he played last season) are either grandmothers or, more likely, great-grandmothers. He was hoping he could make the majors and get a wife upgrade before the old model did something crazy.

Officials claim that Pereira posed as a health care worker, telling the mother, Rosa Sirilo-Francisco, that she was about to be deported and that she could help with the infant. There is no indication that Tabata himself was involved. From ESPN:

“Jose Tabata addressed the matter in a statement released by the team. “I was shocked to be told today that my wife has been arrested for kidnapping. I am hurt, frustrated, and confused by her actions,” Tabata said. “I have and will continue to cooperate with law enforcement officials in anyway that I can. Until I have all of the facts, I cannot comment any further.”

I wonder if the alleged exchange between Amalia and the victim’s mom went like this:

“Hey, I’m about to be deported, can I have your baby for a second?”
“Well, I don’t see why not!”

Jose has as many stolen bases this spring as his wife has stolen babies. Typical Pirates baseball…

Posted in Kidnapping, MLB, Major League Baseball, Minor League Baseball, Pittsburgh Pirates | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Maid claims that she wasn’t about to take anymore crap from Kobe’s wife

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 26, 2009

She's my rock. She's my everything. Bitch is crazy, but she's my rock

If you believe you have a crap job and your boss is an asshole and/or bitch, then my advice is to continue reading this gem of a post & be thankful. So STFU whining about your job and get to reading!

A former housekeeper is suing Kobe Bryant and his wife, Vanessa, on the grounds that Vanessa micromanages in such a demented way that people will think working for Martha Stewart was a walk in the park.

According to a lawsuit that was filed by Maria Jimenez, Vanessa Bryant verbally abused her, called her names that I myself would normally use in only speaking of my ex, humiliated her in front of the family and other employees, and the death blow, “demanded that Maria put her hand in a bag of doggie doo-doo to retrieve the price tag for the blouse” that she had accidentally ruined. Man Double Dare re-enactments have come a long way from when I was a kid.

This suit would have been solid gold if the maid claimed Vanessa also asked her “How’s my dog’s ass taste?”

I’m not sure how and why the price tag wound up in a bag of doggie doo-doo, but by God Vanessa wanted it back so she can deduct the cost of the blouse from the maid’s paycheck.

When asked about the bag of dog feces, Kobe responded, “Yeah, that’s kind of my thing.” *Sarcasm*

The situation got so bad that Vanessa even stooped to the point of accusing Maria of stealing her retainer. This proves once again that oral hygiene is serious business.

Of course the Bryant’s have denied these accusations while hiding behind their high priced attorney at the same time.

In the maids defense, look at the picture. Clearly that is one crazy woman.

Posted in Doggie doo-doo, Lawsuit, Los Angeles Lakers, NBA, Vanessa Bryant | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »

Happy belated deadbeat dad birthday Chris Bosh

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 25, 2009

Chris Bosh's post-natal advice: "Make sure you keep it tight."

The Toronto Raptors center, Chris Bosh turned 25 yesterday and received a gift that I have never received. The gift was he learned that on the same day news has surfaced about a lawsuit that was filed throwing deadbeat dad accusation. I wonder if this was listed on his Amazon.com wish list.

According to a lawsuit that was filed in Maryland, Bosh and his ex-girlfriend, Allison Mathis, were shacking up in ’08 and they decided that Bosh would be her baby’s daddy. Mathis states everything was fine until he returned from that CGI hell on earth known as Beijing where he participated in the Olympics last August. By the time she was seven months preggers he dumped her ass. She is claiming for the stress that this situation has brought along with the refusal to support her, caused complications with the pregnancy. Mathis gave birth in November via C-section and Bosh has only been in the same room with her twice.

Somebody call Maury and make sure this is legit… Judging by the “bigger the hoop, the bigger the ho” principle, a paternity test is necessary.

Working from a Oliver Stone conspiracy angle, the Toronto Star equates Bosh’s poor on court performance since the lawsuit was filed:

“But Mathis filed suit on Nov. 26, 2008, and, not long after, Bosh and the Raptors fell into an abyss. Bosh, who averaged 26 points a game on 54 per cent shooting in November, averaged 21 points a game on 44 per cent shooting in December, and the team he leads, after putting together a win-loss record of 8-8 in October and November, went 4-12 for December, a stretch of abysmal play that saw coach Sam Mitchell fired and a hotly anticipated season began to disintegrate into its current tatters.”

It’s nice when the injuries excuse runs out to be able to latch on to the personal-issues angle.

Naturally Bosh has responded and says he will take care of his responsibilities. Interestingly enough back in December Bosh had a curious choice for his movie viewing pleasure. I wonder if he chose this movie for its entertainment value or if it was some sick prelude of what the future held. After all nobody but Bosh could have predicted this.

Posted in Baby Daddy, Chris Bosh, Lawsuit, NBA, Toronto Raptors | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

According to famous hooker, her & A-Rod dated…I’m sure Madonna approves

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 24, 2009

According to the New York Daily News not only did professional skank, Kristin Davis, provide A-Fraud with professional intercourse technicians (that’s what they call whores in Canada) but she also dated him.

What ever happened to discretion? I blame the internet.

This story is so full of quotes I’m sure where to begin. Former employees of Davis told the Daily News that she was overwhelmed by A-Fraud and she commented to hooker’s cardinal sin of actually falling for a john, and dated him herself…at no charge! That sinner!!!

Davis’ action were of course before the current economic climate that has forced all of us to actually quit using hookers so there is a chance that she might charge him today. However I bet it would be at a 50% discount.

Apparently the two met in June of ’06 at a Philadelphia gym. A-Fraud being the still married family man that he was asked her out. Davis claims she said no but instead gave him the phone number for her agency’s recently-opened Philly branch. A-Fraud took her up on this offer and that was just the beginning chase for the slut in lace.

To the email exchange:

“Rodriguez purportedly told Davis on Nov. 17, 2006: “Thanks for setting me up with Samantha. She was gorgeous. But she is not you. When can I see you are gorgeous . . .”

Davis: “Hi Alex. You don’t want to see me. I’m no fun. lol. Just because your (sic) so sweet, here are some pics of me and I appreciate the compliments. Your (sic) a doll. Thanks, Kristin”

Rodriguez: “You have been playing hard to get for a year now, your (sic) killing me.”

Davis: “It’s not playing I am hard to get. Maybe you should try harder.”

Rodriguez: “Kristin, I definitely will and I love the pics. I put the one on my cell so I can look at you all the time. Alex.”

Davis: “You are too sweet. I’ll let you know when I get someone you like.”

This guy is a goldmine. Also, color me surprised she couldn’t manage to get the your/you’re correct, but got the too right.

The two dated for a short period of time before she eventually dumped his cheating steroid injected ass. A-Fraud apparently felt close to her at least close enough to confess to the pressures he felt professional baseball which is why he started juicing up:

“He told her that he’d used steroids,” the source claimed. “He said a lot of players did. He just wanted to be a good ballplayer.”

Naturally a spokesperson for A-Fraud has declined to comment. Not because A-Fraud is hiding anything but because there’s about a billion other allegations that came in first. You know the rule first come first served. Hopefully his PR team will release a comment on this, the newest train wreck of the A-Fraud express by Easter of this year.

Do Clemens and A-Rod have a contest going on that we don’t know about? Steroids? Check. Infidelity? Check. Misspelling? Chek (sic).

Maybe he should just stick to making love to himself.

Posted in A-Fraud, A-Rod, A-Roid, Alex Rodriguez, Hookers, MLB, Madonna, Major League Baseball, new york yankees, yankees suck | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »