Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

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Archive for March 19th, 2009

19 cheerleaders, one elevator…oh why wasn’t I there?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 19, 2009

Here is another:

“Dear Penthouse,

I never thought this would happen to me… “

Moment in time to share with you.

I have a joke for you. What do you get when 19 Fashion Institute of Technology (in New York City) basketball team cheerleaders try to use one elevator at the same time? Well I honestly don’t know but what the hell does the Fashion Institute of Technology have a basketball team for anyway? Maybe they play ITT, DeVry or the University of Phoenix.

Here is a cliffhanging tale of fear, lust and 19 F.I.T cheerleaders in one elevator gone wrong and how even though they faced fear at 92 feet, the ultimate cheer and the knowledge of using paisleys and pastels saved the day. Oh yeah I guess one could also mention the firefighters as well.

When the F.I.T cheerleaders met an empty elevator last Sunday, the temptation to cram themselves in it was obviously too much to resist. The elevator was on the eighth floor-lounge and they were headed for the gym which is located on the main floor.

Suddenly the God said no in the form of a disaster and Dennis Hopper is really desperate for another movie role, apparently. So here’s a first-hand account from The Love of Sports:

“We get in, the elevator starts to move down slowly and then began to shake. Then it dropped abruptly two to three times. The elevator slowed and then stopped altogether. So, of course, it started in panic, and you can imagine how loud it got with 19 cheerleaders screaming all at once … Once we all decided we were stuck we called F.I.T. security through the elevator phone thing and they said they’d get to us ASAP.”

“Then it started to get REALLY hot … And I know, laugh it up, every guy’s dream come true. Where else would you rather be than stuck in a hot elevator with a bunch of cheerleaders? But I’m sure any straight male that had been in that situation with us would’ve realized pretty fast it wasn’t anything even remotely sexy. So, here we are taking pictures of each other while F.I.T. security is tinkering with the door to try and get us out. We couldn’t be sure what floor we were on, or if we were stuck between floors … 30 minutes later, we hear someone saying, “fire department,” and, of course, we were thrilled!”

“Some of the girls took video as they opened the doors just to try and capture the look on the firefighter’s faces when they saw 19 cheerleaders stuck in between floors one and two. The firefighters were great and got us out as quick as they could, but, of course, cracked a few jokes on us on the way out … It was pretty easy to get out, being cheerleaders, we just lifted people up and out, it was probably the quickest elevator evacuation the firefighters ever had.”

Verily, the Fire Department Gods smiled on the cheer-babes for their professionalism. However after reading the first hand account I have determined that had they all died, the world would have lost about 850 IQ points in total.

One girl called it a cheer-tastrophe, and another girl thought the firefighters did their job cheer-riffically.

Riveting…really….it should be noted that two of the cheerleaders were dudes…which of course means they were most likely in heaven or gay. And since they are going to F.I.T…you can use the term dudes very loosely. This sad thing is this isn’t the first time this as happened before.

I believe there should a national cramming the elevator with cheerleaders competition. After all it wouldn’t be the most retarded thing ESPN as shown on their airwaves.

Posted in Cheerleaders, ESPN, Fashion Institute of Technology, WTF | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Further proof that white men can’t dunk (or at least stick the landing)

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 19, 2009

As a white person I feel I have every right to ask this of fellow white people: Please for the love of God, stop trying to dunk. You’re really embarrassing me.

Wyoming’s Adam Waddell had a nice breakaway in the CBI tournament, but then he single handedly set back the white basketball players can dunk movement 10 years. Then again this can only improve the CBI’s already sterling reputation in the college basketball world. I think CBI must stand for College Bonehead Invitational, am I right folks?

Rep the Mountain West, baby. Rep it ’till the death.

I’m sure this kid will be just fine. He’ll make a good living hustling the players on inner-city basketball courts and getting his annoying girlfriend a shot on Jeopardy.

Posted in CBI, Mountain West Conference, NCAA Basketball, WTF, White men can't dunk, Wyoming Cowboys | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »