Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

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Archive for March 23rd, 2009

College Wrestling: Who Knew Wrestling Could Be So Violent?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 23, 2009

In case you were to busy watching basketball or picking dingle berries out of your neighbor’s ass, the NCAA Wrestling Championships was this past weekend. The Iowa Hawkeyes won the team title even though they didn’t have an individual champion in any weight class.

Iowa’s best hope of winning a personal was on the shoulders of junior Brent Metcalf who happened to be riding a 69-match winning streak however he was beaten in the final by N.C. State junior Darrion Caldwell. Caldwell decided to celebrate this victory by performing a backflip in which Metcalf shoved him to the ground while he was in midair. Vince McMahon used to put a lot more money into Wrestlemania.

Since when is fighting apart of a sport such as wrestling? What’s strange is that in the third period Caldwell had to take an injury timeout because his lower back was hurting. so I guess after some Mr. Miyagi treatment, he was cured to perform backflips. Metcalf has only lost 2 wrestling matches in his entire varsity life (he was 288-0 in high school and 71-1 in college before Sunday) with both losses coming to Caldwell-so he was understandably perturbed because if he kept his streak alive his next opponent was going to be Goldberg.

Oh, and in case you were wondering: Edinboro University’s Paul Donahoe, one of the former Nebraska wrestlers that were kicked off the team for posing nude in videos and photographs on an Internet p0rn site, beat a one-legged guy in the semi-final (seriously!).

Donahoe failed to win a championship due to a technical violation in double overtime. (He illegally clasped his hand behind his opponent’s head, and was docked for the winning points.) His coach should be fired for forgetting the ol “throw chalk in the ref’s eyes” move. It was his only loss of the season unless you count his loss of pride and self-worth.

All in all the video makes me wish there were more backflips in wrestling, or more wrestling/violence in gymnastics. I think it would make both sports more fun to watch.

Posted in Backflips, Iowa Hawkeyes, NC State Wolfpack, NCAA Wrestling, Nebraska Cornhuskers | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Rock…Chalk…WTF?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 23, 2009

Santa Claus got angrier then I remembered.

I hope you enjoyed the first and second round of the big dance this weekend. Now Kansas fans WTF is this? What is that he is holding, the J.D. Power Award for Best in Class Safety?

I’m not gonna lie … I have absolutely no idea what that is. My first four guesses:

  1. Moses
  2. Poseidon
  3. General Kris S. Kringle
  4. King Kandy

Posted in Big 12, March Madness, NCAA Basketball, WTF, kansas jayhawks | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

Gamecock football player arrested signifies that spring is officially here

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 23, 2009

Toke toke pass

You know it’s been awhile since I’ve had the pleasure of to write anything negative about a Gamecock football player. To be totally honest I was beginning to get worried. I mean spring just isn’t the same around here in Columbia unless you have pollen, thunderstorms in the afternoons and a Gamecock arrest. Luckily for Mother Nature 2 out of 3 ain’t too bad.

Last Tuesday it was announced that defensive tackle Ladi Ajiboye was suspended indefinitely which of course in Steve God Spurrier terms means a couple of practices. It has now been revealed that Ajiboye was arrested in February for being a participant in a drug deal. Somehow the Spurrier regimen somehow kept this hidden from the Gamecock hating liberal media of Columbia. This reason I say that is because all the Gamecock fans complain how only negative things are written about their team.

Within the past two seasons Ajiboye has started in 22 games and is considered a key to the defensive line. Don’t worry Gamecock fans this boy is a producer on the field and you know as well as I do that if the starting QB can key a professor’s car, be arrested multiple times within a year and set of fire extinguishers in the dorms for fun then Ajiboye will be back on the field by next week.

According to the Columbia Po Po, on the February 21st, they witnessed Ajiboye engage in a “hand-to-hand transaction” with another person. Ajiboye at the time was driving Terrence Campbell’s car. Campbell is an offensive lineman for the Gamecocks. Ajiboye just wanted to get his Phelps on!

The Po Po staked out the car and after Campbell like a moron failed to signal for a turn, he was promptly pulled over. There the Po Po found evidence of the sweet sticky icky weed that Ajiboye confessed was his. I will give credit to Ajiboye for manning up there.

“Our narcotic agents witnessed a drug transaction,” sheriff’s department spokesman Chris Cowan said. “They saw him get into the car. They made the stop. He was arrested.”

Campbell, a redshirt junior who started nine games at guard last season, was not charged in the incident.

Never fear Gamecock fans you have Neal “Johnie Cochran Jr.” Lourie. Believe me he could have gotten OJ off the last charges. Then again if Lourie can’t work his magic then there’s always pumping gas.

Posted in Crime & Punishment, Po Po, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Stephen Garcia, Steve Spurrier, USC, bongs, mary jane | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »