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How to dance into the heart of a former gymnast

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 27, 2009

The way to win a former Olympian gymnast’s heart is ever so simple: duct tape, a handgun, a shotgun and a shotgun. At least that’s what Robert O’Ryan, 34, thought when he went to break onto the set of ABC’s Dancing with the Stars earlier this week. He had thoughts of love about Shawn Johnson.

Shawn Johnson is the 2008 Olympic women’s balance beam gold medalist, the individual all-around silver medalist, the 2007 all-around World Champion, and the 2007 and 2008 U.S. all-around champion. In case you didn’t know. Luckily for those Chinese gymnasts, they’re not allowed to dance.

Johnson was hanging out on the set of Dancing with the Stars while O’Ryan was busy jumping a fence at ABC studios and was subsequently stopped by security. He just wanted to meet Johnson because even though she doesn’t know it yet, they’re soul mates and are destined to have babies together.

“He believes (Johnson) is speaking to him personally through the television and via ESP and that he will be with her no matter what,” Johnson’s court papers state.”

So she told him via ESP to come take her away, but she also told him to bring two guns and some duct tape? That’s a kinky bitch.

Erin Andrews tells me via ESPN that we belong together.

This tale of love gone awry ends typically: a restraining order has been filed and O’Ryan is being held on $35,000 bail on suspicion of carrying a loaded firearm in public. William Shakespeare couldn’t have written a more tragic ending.

It’s too bad this didn’t happen when Mark Cuban was on the show. Security might have allowed the guy to enter the building.

However I believe if he truly loved her he would have been wearing adult diapers and a wig. Come on man, act like you give a shit!

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