Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for April 24th, 2009

How come my little league coach wasn’t a drug trafficker?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 24, 2009

If you have ever seen the movie The Bad News Bears then you know about the bail bondsmen, Chico’s Bail Bonds, who sponsored the little league team in the movie. Well, let’s all hope there is a generous bail bondsman in Alabama cause one little league coach there really needs one. 

When I played little league baseball for the Greer Dodgers (Hell yeah I made the all-star team) my coach certainly didn’t have a kilo of cocaine and an unregistered weapon on him that I could see, then again I didn’t grow up in Alabama either. 

Meet Marlon Wade, a little league coach of 11-12 year-olds in the Saraland Baseball Association. He has actually been coaching there for about 6 years. While one of his hobbies does include helping Alabama youth achieve little league greatness while developing their baseball talent, he also enjoys drug trafficking, sudoku, theft and assault. 

He was recently arrested while in possession of $24,000 worth of cocaine and an unregistered weapon and he has 22 prior arrests on charges of disorderly conduct, theft and assault. I really don’t want to know why he took his infielders to Columbia, and I really really don’t want to know how he got the cocaine into the country. 

Meanwhile the team parents are frantically calling around and leaving cryptic messages on their friends voicemails including phases like “the hookup” and “some shit” 

But hey he is a little league coach and that’s a good quality. I guess background checks are expensive. 

“It’s expensive to do them, but that’s not an excuse,” said Todd Edge, Commissioner for the Saraland Baseball Association. “We have 150 coaches in the baseball park. I talked to some independent agencies. It’s 40 dollars per coach to do a background check, so you’re talking about six thousand dollars. We don’t get city funding.” 

So I guess baseball commissioners at every level make ridiculous excuses for not checking for drug use. Get the kids (or their parents) to kick in $2 apiece as a coach background check fee. It’s pretty fucking simple, isn’t it?

Or your coaches could sell cocaine and pool the proceeds together for the background check. Hey, whatever works! 

The coach has been banned from coaching in the league, talk about a harsh punishment.

Posted in Alabama, Little League Baseball, cocaine, dumbass | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Let the hate begin. It’s time for the Red Sox and Yankees to renew their rivalry for 2009

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 24, 2009

This weekend is one of the better sports weekends especially if you’re a Red Sox fan. That’s right Sox and Yankees renew their hate-fest. We all know the Yankees blow, my God they can’t even sell out that brand new stadium of theirs. 

David Ortiz has already issued a warning to Joba “The DUI Drunken Hutt” Chamberlain about throwing at the heads of Red Sox players. See in 2007 Chamberlain threw behind Youkilis’ head twice in one game. Then last July this occurred. 

Ortiz talked to reporters on Wednesday between games of a doubleheader with the Twins. 

“None of that, man – just play the game the way it’s supposed to be, and that’s about it,” Ortiz said, referring to Chamberlain. “This is a guy, as good as he is, the next step for him will be to earn respect from everybody in the league. He’s not a bad guy, but when things like that happen, people get the wrong idea.” 

Basically he is saying “Oh and please don’t pitch drunk.” 

Then again this is just another example of the Dominican Republic going out of its way to police other countries. See? And you thought I couldn’t pick on teams or players I like. 

The photo is a screen shot of CNBC’s Closing Bell during the Consumer Electronics Show of 2008. Don’t these guys know they don’t have to make degrading personal appearances until they’ve retired and shitted all their money away? 

Joba just can’t get away from the prison stripes look. Guess he’s preparing for his future 10-year stint when he pulls a Stallworth.

Posted in Big Papi, Boston Red Sox, DUI, Joba Chamberlain, MLB, Major League Baseball, Sox Rock!, new york yankees, yankees suck | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »