Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

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Archive for May 21st, 2009

Citifield toilet attempts to eat a Mets fan

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 21, 2009

gold tooth

Ever notice how Mets fans think everyone is against them? In reality they are asking for it especially when one of them goes toilet diving after a gold tooth and gets stuck. At that point they all should be embarrassed.

Stadium security had to call a plumber to free a woman’s arm that had gotten stuck in a toilet at Citifield last week. Somehow someway she dropped her gold tooth in to the vile water and just had to get it back. Her arm was lodged in the low flow toilet as it flushed continuously over her. If she was a heroin junkie then she would have been able climb all the way in the toilet no problem.

“The woman did not recover her tooth, but was plenty relieved just to leave the bathroom. The Mets and Cardoza Plumbing declined to comment.

Some low-flow toilets use powerful vacuum suction to minimize the amount of water needed, but it’s unlikely that contributed to the woman’s hand being stuck, a Queens plumber said. “The truth is, this kind of thing happens all the time — usually with wedding rings or cellphones,” he said.

“People have probably been getting their hands stuck in toilets as long as there have been toilets.”

Is there any doubt she was attempting to retrieve the tooth to immediately try to put it back in place? Man, I hate when that happens. That’s why I always wait for a urinal or a sink to open up.

Posted in Gold Tooth, New York Mets, dumbass | Tagged: , , | 3 Comments »

The rise of King Kiffin on Twitter

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 21, 2009

TweeterKiffin

Now that Lane Kiffin has proven that either he or his staff will use any kind of technology to get him and the school in trouble, I’ve taken drastic measures and I’ve taken his Twitter privileges away. From here on out if he feels the need to twitter then he has to go through me and I’ll post it under the name King Kiffin.

I’ve actually been doing this for a couple of weeks because his 140 Twitters are extremely boring. (Watching game film.) Mine will be funnier and there won’t be some dumb ass assistant writing them. Personally I would like to see Layla register for a Twitter account.

I keep expecting to see something like this on Lane’s ramblings:

Got up this morning, got caught violating NCAA rules again. Caught wife in bed with Bruce Pearl.

Or this:

LaneKiffinUT@BrucePearl: LOL I Kno! Why do they call us the Volunteers if we get paid, right? g2g, don’t tell Pat about my twitter account! ROTFL!

I picture Kiffin being wheeled away from Knoxville, strapped down to a hand truck, with a mask over his face to prevent him talking.

Somewhere in a dark chamber Al Davis is laughing maniacally. And as soon as someone finds him, changes his soiled britches, brings him back upstairs and tells him about this he’ll laugh even harder.

So if want to start follow King Kiffin on Twitter feel free to if all else fails it will at least be funnier than Ron Zook’s babblings.

Posted in King Kiffin, Lane Kiffin, Layla Kiffin, NCAA Rules Violation, Ron Zook, SEC Coaches, Tennessee Volunteers, Twitter, Zooker, dumbass | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »