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Archive for May, 2009

Dirk’s girlfriend speaks from jail

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 20, 2009

Cristal Taylor, the hideous girlfriend of Dirk Nowitzki, has spoken from jail in an interview with the Dallas Morning News. Apparently Dirk hasn’t called her or sent a file smuggled in a cake and you she is preggers. 

“I’ve known Dirk for seven years – and, no, I didn’t tell him everything about my past because I was afraid,” Taylor said during a series of phone calls in which she sobbed frequently. “But, I mean, now I’m pregnant and alone and broke because he is my only source of income.” 

Yeah, I know my heart freaking bleeds for her. *Sarcasm* 

Unfortunately despite the Patriot Act, privacy laws prevent anyone from verifying the pregnancy claim. 

“I’m actually hoping that Dirk will step forward and help, once he reads the article,” she said, adding that Nowitzki has not contacted her, directly or indirectly, since her arrest. Nor was he present for her two court appearances in Beaumont

Taylor was asked why she hasn’t tried to contact Nowitzki or Mavericks officials. She said that after she was initially taken to Dallas County Jail, she realized Nowitzki had changed his phone numbers. 

“Not only that, but they [the Mavericks] pretty much told him, after you guys put out all that crap on me, to just wash his hands of me – and I think he pretty much did,” she said. 

One of the things Taylor stands accused of is defrauding a dentist out of $10,000 in dental work. She also wants everyone to know that she never was a stripper but instead worked as a waitress in a strip club. Only waitresses have good teeth everyone knows that.

Posted in Crazy Women, Dallas Mavericks, Dirk Nowitzki | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

An open letter to Ariel Alejo

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 19, 2009

Dear Ariel Alejo

While I’ll openly admit that King Kiffin’s® comments that were made about the very school which you are the principal of, Pahokee High School, was stupid and wrong. Please understand that Kiffin is a dumbass at times but he’s our dumbass so we have to love him. (Unless he doesn’t win)

Now the comments were made on February 4th & King Kiffin® has long since apologized for them. Somehow you didn’t get the memo and ordered assistant coach Gran of the school property on May 4th during a recent recruiting visit. And then you removed that Gator logo from your gay website how convenient…

Well King Kiffin® used his political pull and Coach Gran will be at the practice today along with the assistant mayor of Pahokee. You see the assistant mayor is a man about things and realizes that King Kiffin® made an apology not once but twice and that is good enough for him. He also sees where this hurting the kids in your school.

“I don’t think the words were from the heart,” Crawford said of Kiffin’s comments from the recruiting celebration. “I think he was caught up in the minute and just said something. I don’t think it came from his heart. I really don’t. I’ve done things like that myself. After saying them, you find out what you said and how it affects the community or a person you either said them to or about.”

I realize this is probably embarrassing for you but remember King Kiffin® owns your school and you’re just his little bitch, so please get use to it. Learn from it and learn to love it. Fear the Kiffin.

So in closing think about these words and suck it.


Posted in Florida Sucks, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, King Kiffin, Lane Kiffin, Pahokee High School, SEC Coaches, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

No one is safe when Charles Barkley tees off

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 18, 2009

Looks like Barkley just lost one potential vote in his Alabama Gubernatorial bid.

Posted in Charles Barkley, golf | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

Skip Bayless gets manhandled on the Philly airwaves

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 15, 2009

Bayless' head is about to spin around

There’s nothing like a good fight of words between two media figures. But what’s even better is when two members of the ESPN family go at each other, and that’s just what happened when Skip Bayless gets bitch slapped on-air by Philadelphia sports radio host Mike Missanelli. Enjoy the bloodletting!!! 

While running his mouth about the Dallas/Denver/La La mess on “First Take” Bayless ripped into certain Dallas fans for their “Philly-style rude, crude, dangerous” behavior. Missanelli and Philly homer and radio host on an ESPN radio station in Philly invites Bayless on to his show to “rationally” discuss these comments. By rationally I mean it goes from zero to I’ll slap you in the face with my cock in less than 30-seconds. Here is some of the transcript: 

MM: It’s real easy for journalists who live outside Philadelphia to throw these barbs when you really don’t have any information at all: 

SB: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second. Did you say I have no information at all? 

MM: Yeah, I’m asking you for the information. I’m asking you to produce it. In the last ten years, what have you heard about this rude, crude dangerous behavior in the stands? 

SB: ”Well, ok I’m going to have to go back to my 18 years of going to the Vet.” 

MM: (Missanelli interrupts) Oh, so let’s go back to the Vet. So we’re never going to live that down in Philadelphia because of nitwits like you who rip us and make it a modern day thing: 

SB: ”Ok, if you’re going to insult me I’m going to hang up.” 

MM: Do you want to hang up or do you wan t to spar? I’m not like these lightweights you spar with on First Take. Let’s get into a little sparring here if you’ve got information. 

It gets much worse from there. Bayless pulls the “Who are you?” card out being his usual pompous ass self that he is and Missanelli counters with the equally wince-worthy “GOOGLE ME!” retort. Listen to it and enjoy a good laugh it’s well worth it. 

I hope this ended in Skip Bayless ripping off his shirt like Norton in American history X, only to reveal a dead Philly eagle with Donovan Mcnabb’s head.

Posted in Bitch Slapped, Dallas Mavericks, Denver Nuggets, ESPN, Philly, Skip Bayless | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Jelena Dokic’s father is one crazy guy…in the very literal sense

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 14, 2009

Back in 2006 the father of tennis star, Jelena Dokic, actually threatened to nuke Sydney because his daughter rather live there in the sun and surf than live in the Balkans. What father hasn’t felt like dropping a nuclear bomb on his child at one time or another? Sure, there’s going to be a certain amount of collateral damage. But you’re the parent. Be strong. 

Now three years later, Damic Dokic has calmed down considerably and only wants to take out one Australian: Clare Birgin, the Australian ambassador to Serbia. 

The reasoning behind this is simple. It appears Papa Dokic is upset because an Australian magazine published an interview with Jelena, where she discussed the mental and physically abuse that her father subjected her to as young tennis prodigy. Before he turns into a one man killing machine he requests that these allegations be retracted even though at the same time he states that what Jelena says is true. And you thought Coach 0 was crazy…sheesh. Successful athletes like Jelena Dokic make me wish my parents beat me harder. 

“There is no child that was not beaten by parents – same with Jelena” 

He went on to tell Vecernje Novosti, another Serb newspaper: 

“If I was ever a little bit more aggressive towards Jelena, it was for her sake.” 

Nothing says I love you because you’re my child and I want you to succeed in tennis like breaking a few fingers and leaving some bruises. With a childhood like that I am amazed that I haven’t dated her yet. 

“I expect that after my threat the local police will react, arrest me and confiscate my weapons,” he said. “But that would only increase the danger for the ambassador.” 

I’m pretty sure in Serbia you can buy a grenade launcher with expired Marlboro Miles. 

That’s the spirit Damic I’m glad to see you’re making progress by only threatening one person instead of millions. By the way Jennifer Capriati’s father sees your physical abuse and raises you some possible sexual abuse and mental torture.

Posted in Batshit crazy, Jelena Dokic, Threats, tennis | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Happy Birthday to me! Now can anyone shut Roger Clemens up?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 13, 2009


Well today is my birthday and I have found something else to add to my b-day wish list of one redhead with super model qualities, after hearing that farce of an interview with Roger Clemens yesterday on the Mike and Mike show I also want a copy of “American Icon.” 

The authors of this book should send Clemens a fruit basket of something because of his poor performance during this interview sales of the of the book probably went up by 10%. Hell no one knew it was even coming out until this interview. 

This interview was predictably a PR move orchestrated by Team Clemens. The 20 minute interview with Clemen’s newest “crisis manager” Gene Grabowski that occurred before the Rocket came on the air more than proved that. Greenberg and Golic asked Grabowski, given all the evidence against Clemens, how he knows he’s telling the truth? 

“I looked him in the eye,” the Crisis Manager said. 

OK that’s it for me I believe him even though I’m sure he was paid six figures to say that. 

On McNamee: He “never injected me with HGH or steroids.” Why? “Common sense — “my family has a history of heart conditions.” Clemens notes that both his brother and stepdad had heart attacks and it would be “suicidal” for him to take any of these drugs. He also finds these allegations “dishearting” (sic). 

Yes we all know how medical conditions can jump from a step parent to step children. I think I learned that by watching “House” *Sarcasm* If heart attacks are contagious, then quickly, everyone flee Texas! 

On Andy Pettitte admitting that he was injected by McNamee and that he had a conversation with Clemens about HGH: Clemens reiterates: “Andy misremembers.” 

On Manny: Surprised because, as Roger’s stated before MLB has great testing: “We have great testing.” Did you know Roger Clemens passed all of his tests? No? You didn’t. WELL HE DID. Move on please. What? You say Manny passed all his tests as well? But did Manny ask the testing people come to his house and they went to his personal gym so he could show his son how “evasive”(sic) it was? Well Roger did “I think the program works!” 

On A-Rod: ”I hope none of the things he took do damage to his body and ruin his career.” 

“How do you defend against the negative?”: Lie! “Steroids are bad for these kids — but again, I can’t defend the negative, when you’ve got somebody out there who’s just crawling up your back to make a buck…” Mentions his charities, golfing, foundations, charities, fundraising, his foundations, charities, banquets, and all of the good he’s done for people since 1991, and “I know how tough it is raising money for charity these days…” and HOW COULD I TAKE STEROIDS WHEN I’M DOING ALL OF THIS FUCKING CHARITY WORK? I HAVE NO TIME FOR NEEDLES! (I’m paraphrasing there, by the way.)

Judging from the scientific poll that ESPN performed this interview did nothing to help Camp Rocket’s cause and is also proved that there really must be nothing to do in Maine and South Carolina. 

Expect to see that next week, ESPN will show nothing but the interview, ESPN2 will feature the interview in Spanish, ESPNU will have the interview with MST3K-style commentary and ESPNews will scroll the interview text over a blank background while playing Weather Channel music. 

A transcript of the interview can be found here.

Posted in A-Rod, Brian McNamee, Juiced, Liar, MLB, Roger Clemens, dumbass, steroids | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Michael Phelps, three-way sex, chewing tobacco and you

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 12, 2009

Say what you will about the UK’s News Of The World but remember that they were the ones that first published the photo of Michael Phelps sucking on a long bong. Well they’re at it again with a shocking interview of a Baltimore “dancer” who claims to know Phelps better than most people. Since when did whores start talking to the media?  Society is going to hell in a hand basket. 

While some may say that this is sensational journalism she was interview while wearing a pink teddy so she has to be creditable. During the interview she “bares” all that she knows about Phelps. (Warning NSFW) Theresa White states she met Phelps at a club where she is employed as an exotic dancer and he invited her and some friends back to his house for drinks and online poker. She claims that eventually a three hour ménage a trios began. She never answered the question, “Who enjoyed the double penetration more?” 

According to Theresa, Phelps: 

  • Still is a dope head
  • Wants to be a professional poker player
  • Is an emotional mess and cries like a baby
  • Blows all his money on booze and doesn’t tip well
  • Is paranoid about cell phone cameras (Well duh!)
  • Big mommas boy
  • Chews tobacco on an consistent basis and keeps full spittoons around the house (And if anyone would be put off by the unprofessionalism of spitting, it’s her.) 

Regardless of all these less than endearing qualities, Theresa claims she wouldn’t mind remaining “friend with benefits” with Phelps. I’m sure this interview will help keep that dream alive. Who says this guy isn’t a good role model? This is exactly what I want my future son to be doing when he gets to be around Phelps’ age.

Posted in Crazy Women, Cry Baby, Michael Phelps, Sex, Strippers | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Yeah I know I didn’t update the site this morning

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 11, 2009

I woke up this morning and for the first time in a very long time something happened. I didn’t want to write. Maybe it’s because this is the slow season or maybe it’s because I have so many other things going on in my life other than this blog, that even contemplated shutting this site down today. Do not worry it’s not going to happen but I will tell you this: I’m burned out.

Hopefully I will find something to write about for tomorrow and God willing it be entertaining and humorous. If not…well….sorry.

Posted in WTF | Tagged: | 1 Comment »

Dirk Nowitzki has really bad taste in women

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 8, 2009

Are we sure they weren't just filming Juwanna Mann II?

I honestly didn’t think anyone could have worse taste in women than me, but I believe we have a winner. Apparently Dirk has been dating a woman named Cristal Taylor. She has so much to offer Nowitzki such as a talent in using eight separate aliases, probation violations and theft. She proved her undying love to Nowitzki by being arrested at his residence this past Wednesday. Judging from the photo this once again proves my theory: Germans love tranny prostitutes. Or is it Hasselhoff? 

The story doesn’t end there…oh no my friends it gets worse. See Dirk and the apparent Cristal (or maybe it’s really Reggie Miller in drag) are engaged and Dirk maybe be a daddy. Also when the Po Po went to arrest Taylor they allowed her to change cloths only she decided to go into the back yard and call someone for a ride in an apparent attempt of escape. 

After practice on Thursday, Nowitzki said, “Well it’s pretty obvious I’m going through a tough time in my personal life right now. But, like I always have, I wanna kinda keep my private life private and I don’t want to… really I’m not at the stage where I can talk about it yet and feel comfortable talking about it.” 

This is the worst judgment shown by a German since the “Falco World Tour.” 

Dirk has always been a guy that Dallas fans could hang their hats on and say, “The team may never win a title, but at least we got to watch an awesome player who is also a stand-up individual.” It’s a big change from the glory days of the Cowboys where you got watch a team win a title with awesome players but lousy individuals (unless you happened to own a strip club in Dallas or bought weed from Nate Newton). While Dirk is probably not going to get in trouble for this, the bottom line is his reputation is tarnished. Oh, and I’m not talking about the fact he impregnated a fugitive he was harboring. I’m talking about how atrociously ugly she is. 

When she eventually divorces him which I’m sure she will, it will be the most someone has overpaid for some Cristal since P Diddy’s last birthday party.

Posted in Dallas Mavericks, Dirk Nowitzki, Feds, NBA, Tranny | Tagged: , , , , | 4 Comments »

Thanks to the Toledo Rockets we’ll never forget about point shaving

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 7, 2009

Yes point shaving and college athletics are still alive and well today. Just yesterday six basketball and football players from the University of Toledo, along with two from Detroit, were indicted of “conspiracy to comment sports bribery” between 2004 and 2006. Several Toledo area women have been accused of face shaving as well. 

Per the indictment two men from Detroit allegedly wagered over $400,000 on basketball games where point shaving occurred. The athletes involved are point guard Keith Triplett, forward Anton Currie, guard Kashif Payne, and running backs Adam Cuomo, Harvey McDougle, and Quinton Broussard. This investigation dates back to 2007 when McDougle and a gambler known only as “Gary” were first accused of point shaving, however those charges were dropped…only to resurface yesterday. McDougle was accused of helping recruit players into this scheme. 

The two Detritions (“Gary” is one of them) are also accused of attempting to fix a horse race. They didn’t use the right technique. Trust me I know from personal experience you should employ a technique similar to this: 

“You listen to me, Mr. Ed. Do you ever want to see your foals again you rat fuck? You see this blue steel? When it goes bang you fall down dead, fucko. Do yourself a favor. Do the right thing this Saturday. If you do well, you’ll see me one more time. If you do badly, you’ll see me two more times.” 

Today’s charges shine a light into the dark corner of illegal sports book-making and reveal the unfortunate consequences that the influence of money from betting can have on the integrity of both athletes and athletic contests,” U.S. Attorney Terrence Berg said in a statement. 

While some may believe point shaving scandals are as American as washing your car in the driveway, being suspicious of your foreign neighbors and blowing your fingers off with an illegally obtained quarter stick of dynamite, it isn’t. 

I believe that in the mid-majors/ non-BCS conference that point-shaving is a lot more prevalent than we think. I mean it’s not like most of the kids have a pro career to lose out on, and also think of the referees. How much cash could it take to buy off a referee or two college kids? With all the different internet casinos out there a group could easily make a $100,000 a game spreading out their bets. Pay the kids and/or ref $5,000 to $10,000 each (maybe more for the ref) and that’s a pretty decent return on investment. Most of the games aren’t widely televised.

Posted in Feds, NCAA Basketball, NCAA Rules Violation, Point Shaving, Toledo Rockets | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »