Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

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Marvin Lewis will happily crush the dreams of a slacker kid

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 9, 2009

The Bengals might not be a super bowl contender but that doesn’t stop the head coach, Marvin Lewis, from crushing the dreams of stupid and slacker kids in Cincinnati. 

The Bengals have a program for elementary-aged students in Cincinnati where if a student makes an “A” honor roll for two periods they’re invited to the exclusive “Academic Achievement Party” held at Paul Brown Stadium. 

One can blame technology but I rather think that Coach Lewis enjoys crushing the dreams of kids. In a world where recorded phone messages are dialed out, Lewis’ pre-recorded message went out to about 20,000 elementary school students regardless if they could spell, read, write or addition. This is like when WVU accidentally admitted Chris Henry. 

Cheviot resident Melissa Miller’s 13-year-old daughter, Josie, hadn’t expected the invitation because she knew her grades didn’t quite stack up. But after hearing Lewis’s voice on the phone, 20 minutes of “jumping, high-fiving and texting all her friends” ensued. 

It was all for naught. 

“When you’re trying to encourage kids, it’s hard to take,” Miller said. 

The pre-recorded message was only supposed to go out to 2500 kids not 20,000. So Lewis did the only thing he could do: He recorded another apologetic message and rescinded the invite to the non-honor roll students. Lose-lose situation. Students were, naturally, distraught, learning at a young age what it’s like to be a Bengals fan. As a consolation, the troublemakers were invited to try out for the team.

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