Pics from the ESPY’s:

Kevin White, the man who fired more Notre Dame football coaches than anyone else, left for the “greener pastures” at Duke University on May 31. Since then, the school has been looking for the next guy to fire Charlie Weis athletic director. The school was recently turned down by ex-Irish football player Steve Orsini, currently the AD at SMU. Where does the school turn now, since the school was turned down by a man who played on the 1977 championship team and is currently at a school still feeling the sting of the NCAA “Death Penalty”???

Of course, I have an answer…

Right now, the school’s website does not have the AD’s job listed. They have a job posting for a parking lot attendant for game day (at $9.00/hr) and a Director of Gift Planning, who has the task of collecting fat checks from alums and “friends of the school”. They curiously do not have the AD’s position there. Why??? Did they run out of space??? Does the NBC contract not pay for internet???

My answer is tat bastion of both virtue and vice. User friendly and free, whether you want a lawn mower or a trashy dancer who works at the Nasty Tuna Club: Craigslist. I have posted the following in the jobs section of the Indianapolis site of Craigslist:

AD At ND???

How far has a school gone down the crapper that a proud alum has turned down the AD job??? Your current AD left for, of all places, Duke, because he won’t have boosters breathing down his neck as THEIR pick for a football coach racks up losses against USC and Navy. Oh, but Weis can’t win with Willingham’s recruits!!! Correction: Weis won with the “great” Brady Quinn, a Willingham recruit.

The reality is that Weis looked like a genius in the NFL because of Bill Bellichick and Tom Brady (a Michigan man). The reality is that as Jimmy “Beer Bong” Claussen and Evan “Scared To Play Behind Shaky O-Line” Sharpley continue to throw picks, and as Paul Hornung continues racist rants about “lowering academic standards” in order to “get the black athlete”, the program will slip into even more mediocrity as Fresno State, UConn, Oklahoma State and Texas Tech have all caught up to. USC is now light years ahead, but there is no shame in that. Ohio State can’t catch USC either, but OSU can’t catch a cold if it comes from the SEC…

*singing* 3 tears for old Notre Dame, can’t find an AD, that is a shame.

I hope that helps.

Rich,

What the hell happened??? A settlement??? Are you kidding me??? What were you thinking??? You were supposed to stick it to the man, and instead you said that you give up.

I know, I know, Michigan forced it. Sure, they are footing the bill (which you created). I know, your new job bailed your maize and blue bottom out of the sizzling flames. It must be nice for Michigan to pull $3 million out of it’s war chest to cover you. Ironic, the new athletic facilities you were bitching and moaning about because they were non-existent, are now about to go full steam ahead thanks to you bolting for Michigan.

So now what??? How could you honestly look a kid in the eye and expect them to keep running gassers when they have nothing left??? You gave up. Some may say good for you leaving West Virginia. That is a question for another time. The issue at hand is that you quit WVU, created nuclear winter on your way out, got your new employer to pay your old employer, and in a few years you will probably leave again for the B.C. Lions of the Canadian Football League.

Honestly, you are no better than Nick Saban, your favorite fellow West Virginian. And like St. Nick, you will be lucky to go to a bowl game this year. Hooray, Michigan fans, the Scratch n’ Sniff.Com Bowl in Butte, Montana await you. And all for the low, low price of $36 million over the next 4 years. On top of it all, you managed to make West Virginia University something that Kinko’s bought MBA degrees couldn’t do. You made them look smart.

Of course, if you had Paul Rhoades, former defensive coordinator of Pitt, as your lawyer, you could have easily stopped the Mountaineers (13-9)…

Everyone is being affected by the high gas prices in our country right now. Our company, like most businesses, is seeing transportation and manufacturing costs rise almost exponentially. The average American is spending more on gas than at any time in our country’s history. Sadly, this trend, according to some analysts, will continue through the end of the year. Currently, Obama and McCain have included plans to help alleviate the energy crisis, and from barbershops to flea markets, everyone has an answer…including me

Yes, even a pagan such as myself has an answer to the gas crunch…

I would not dare suggest that we start drilling on the hallowed grounds of Notre Dame Stadium. But the Fighting Irish, warming up here last year against Navy (which Navy won), is the solution.

According to the World Almanac, in 1973, the average price of a gallon of gas in the U.S. was 51 cents a gallon. Notre Dame won the national title that year. Every year after, the price of gas went up on average of 3 cents a gallon. In 1977, gas was up to 65 cents a gallon. Notre Dame won the national title again. Gas prices did not rise again until 1979. But in 1980, gas went up into the 1 dollar range (right before the Gerry Faust era). When Lou Holtz delivered the Fighting Irish another title in 1986, gas actually went down to 93 cents, down from 1.20. Consequentially, gas prices experienced huge jumps in 1999 (when they were placed on probation under Bob Davie) and also in 2004 (when Ty Willingham was fired).

To me it is simple: We should all root for Notre Dame to win the national title this year. Get them a national TV contract. Continue to have high hopes for them, even if it may seem misguided. Give them a schedule that should guarantee some success. Like the great Paul Hornung said, “Get the black athlete”. Above all, someone in the national media, hell, make it two people in the national media, should stomp for them.

Only then the terrorists won’t win…Touchdown Jesus will…

When I wrote this article, I knew it would get a reaction. NEVER did I think it would get this type of reaction, although similar posts about Kentucky basketball have gotten much more traffic than anything else. With that said, instead of responding to every comment, I will post this and let the chips fall where they may…

Regarding my name and avatar, my real name is Joel. I chose to post under my own name because I am my own person. I understand why someone would want to have a different username, but not me. Nothing worng with it in my opinion, but that is how I roll. I chose to use The Pyramid Arena in Memphis because I am a proud native Memphian. I am also proud to be from the great state of Tennessee. Even though I attended Tennessee State University in Nashville (after deciding not to attend Columbia University, Brown University, Morehouse college, or the University of North Carolina, all offering academic scholarships while I was in high school), I still support all things Volunteer and all things regarding Memphis Tiger basketball. Equally, on this site, I have personally made fun of both. Examples of me making fun of Tiger basketball can be found here, here, and here. I do live and die Memphis Tiger basketball, despite the recent heartbreak of the title game and lack of national titles (unlike Kentucky). A few of my favorite posts of satire of Tennessee can be found here, here, and here. There have been other things that we have touched upon, including West Virginia football, Alabama, and the Miami Dolphins during their “run” to futility. Check out the “April Fool’s Day” page .The original and still current mantra of this blog is “A Sports Blog On Why ALL Teams Suck”. It just so happened that I did one on Kentucky, and things went bat shit. Of course, I was hoping people to understand sarcasm but I guess I expected too much.

First off, I do actually work during the day and I am not around a computer until I get home. So if you are pissy about anything I have written, cool it until later in the evening. I am not some snot nosed college kid or an unemployed bum watching Judge Judy and ESPN First Take all day.

Second, the only mistake I made (I feel) is making the title “Wanna be an NBA Player???” It was intended to sarcastically point out that Kentucky hasn’t had an NBA lottery player in a long time and a first round player drafted in a few years. That is a fact, as confirmed by John Clay of the Lexington Herald Ledger (he even called my work crude. I feel honored). But some of you Kentucky fans pointed out how Rajon Rondo just won an NBA championship with Boston and Tayshaun Prince has just been named to the Olympic team. Kudos. The fact of the matter is that Rondo was on a great team and while point guard is an important position, Paul Pierce handled the ball more than any other Celtic during the title run. Thomas the Terrible could have run point guard and the Celtics were still going to win it all. As for Prince, while he has been a valued member of the Pistons, there is no way I would have picked him over Tyson Chandler, Amare Stoudamire, Tim Duncan, Kevin Garnett, or even Paul Pierce. I am not the only one of this opinion.

Here is the bigger issue though: What is the real reason for the swarm of reaction??? Is it because the fanbase of Kentucky basketball is that fragile??? Or, did the truth really hurt??? Let’s look at these two questions.

Read the rest of this entry »

I finally get some time to put up a post and it just so happens to be right after the 1st round of the NBA Draft . Then something came over me: Our favorite overrated, elitist, ass backwards, and drunken coached team from the SEC didn’t have a player drafted in the 1st round. This makes the second year in a row that a Kentucky player was not drafted in the 1st round, and continues the 11 year streak since a Wildcat player was picked in the lottery.

Oh don’t worry Wildcat fan. I know where to place the blame. It was “10 Loss” Tubby’s fault. He was too busy making sure he ran a clean program, free of racism (unlike the arena named after the “great” Rupp), and made sure that he didn’t hit the Wild Turkey bottle and try to drive home from the bar. He just simply didn’t have time to recruit players who would be developed into NBA talent.

Leave it to Billy Clyde Gilispie to recruit like a mother. He has already scored top 10 talent of all ages. He will take Kentucky back to single digit losses in just a few short years, as soon as his 8th grade recruits start arriving to Lexington. Too bad he said he was gonna stop recruiting young kids. Rumor is that he had planned to recruit Chicago next week while school is out for the summer. R. Kelly was gonna show him where all the hot spots were to get top talent, before Mr. Kelly got some talent of his own. Of course, knowing Billy Clyde’s track record, he’ll be gone quicker than you can say “Nick Saban”. It’s all good anyway, the best coach in the state left you back in the 90’s and now coaches your in-state rival.

So, for all of the Derrick Jasper’s, Scotty Hopson’s, and (insert latest player’s name to leave the Kentucky program here) of the world, things will be ok. You will make it to the NBA Draft Lottery, because you never put on the Wildcat uniform.

Let’s hear Tim Brando spin another year of Kentucky mediocrity…

I have always been a casual NASCAR fan. I have been fortunate to see a few of the Winston/Nextel/Sprint Cup events in person, as well as a Busch Series race. I have been to Memphis, Bristol, and Talladega a few times over the years and I enjoyed the events a lot. So when this story broke, I chuckled a little bit, was slightly disturbed, and in the end, not surprised.

Mauricia Grant, a former technical inspector for NASCAR, is suing the organization for $225 million. I guess $226 million was asking for too much. Anyway, the suit is claiming racial discrimination, sexual harassment, and wrongful termination. Some of the things that were said include:

*Nappy Headed Mo

*Al-Qaeda

*Black Sisters Revenge

*How come the palms of your hands are white???

*I don’t want to start a riot when these fans see a black woman in my race car.

*Just get over the whole slavery thing.

And my personal favorite:

*Does your workout include an urban obstacle course with a flat-screen TV on your back.

I mean the guy could have said carrying a watermelon on your back while running in between buckets of KFC. Damn, be original. (For more racial taunts, here is The Smoking Gun’s post).

Back to my experiences at NASCAR races. Generally, I had a great time. True, I went with a bunch of buddies who were somewhat stereotypical of NASCAR fans, but for the most part, I had few problems…Except when I went to Talladega. What a surprise, a black man in Alabama getting harassed. I think they were upset that Logan Young didn’t have me paid for with his platinum Visa card. I did hear some comments not fit to be published on this blog, but I took it as though they were some liquored up nutjobs that were the obvious exception. Plus, they were probably there for the 5 cartons of smokes that used to be given out at the Winston Cup events.

It is times like these where I realize that as many strides that we have made as a country, we still have a looooooooong way to go. This puts bad press on NASCAR as a sport and maybe alienates us few minority fans, but at least homegirl is gonna get paid…….

If you ask NASCAR, they will tell you she has enough money to get her 8 kids by 10 different baby daddys off of welfare, and she doesn’t have to go on Maury Povich to pay for the DNA tests…

These days, there are a few things that are peeking my interest whenever time permits me (seeing as though this is Christmas time in the swimming pool industry). These things include the following: the R. Kelly Trial (click here for the Chicago Sun Times blog on the perv’s trial), Hell’s Kitchen (thank God that puss Matt finally got voted off), and Cal-Berkeley vs. the Tree People. These long days of summer where I am stuck dealing with jackass customers and stuck at work while others are enjoying vacation totally suck, but these are ample distractions. The R. Kelly Trial is interesting to me because this fool had everything but could not stay away from the girls with the Trapper Keepers, just like predecessors Gary Glitter, Michael Jackson, and Jerry Lee Lewis. Hell’s Kitchen is just funny because Gordon Ramsay has just become my favorite Brit. Actually, I watch BBC America whenever his Kitchen Nightmare shows are on and I discovered a show called Footballer’s Wives that had Playmaker’s and 1st and Ten beat by a long shot.

And then there is the loooooooooong drawn out court battle between the University of California vs. some coked out, tree hugging, Birkenstock wearing hippies. I still can’t believe that these godless pagans beat Tennessee last year, but I digress. I know this is about to piss of AB, but seeing as though the tree people can’t possibly be getting internet access, maybe she can send them a smoke signal from the backyard of her palatial estate.

I don’t see how this school is still participating in major D-1A sports. If I were the Pac-10, I would kick them out and bring in Fresno State. At least the football program would have more upsets against top competition and the cheerleaders would have a little more “urbanism” than the grandecafemochachocolatte $10 cups of coffee the prissy Blackberry toting chicas at Berkeley.

As a native Southerner, it amazes me that a few people are actually trying to save 100 year old trees. They are letting these trees get in the way of a perfectly good football stadium and practice facility. What good are some oak trees when your football team plays mediocre football??? Well then again, this is Cal football we are talking about. Don’t worry Cal: USC, Oregon, Arizona St., and Oregon St. will be dropping half a hundred a piece on you in no time. Keep the trees, and pray that you can keep your coach. Besides, surely the school could make use of some fresh cut trees. I mean, wood will still be needed for the new locker rooms, luxury suites, doors, and paper for the playbooks. Let’s just call it a recycling program.

You know, something looks familiar about that damn Cal bear…

There was once a man named Bobby, who was excited about the upcoming Tide football season, but was a little concerned because the team still had the pagan Shula’s recruits left. Bobby would putter along like any other member of the Saban Nation, spending his days stockpiling Scott Toilet Tissue whenever Walgreens had a sale on it, and kissing the altar of his holiness The Bear. Tuscaloosa wasn’t heaven, however Bobby felt as though it was heaven on earth.

He would remember his days as a youth as Bear brought in the best of the best to maintain the team’s rightful dominance in college football. His heart was very joyful when Stallings won another championship and the cash flowed throughout the town of Tuscaloosa, both around the team and at the local t-shirt shop. He even remembers seeing the prophet Logan Young on the sidelines, credit card in hand, to provide the players with the finest liquor, drugs, strippers, whatever was needed for the good of the Tide Nation, and Bear looked down from heaven and was proud.

However, Bobby’s faith has been a little shaken. The Tide has been a punchline lately, and the program has not won a championship in what seems like years. Even with the arrival of St. Nick the Magnificent, the Tide still cannot vanquish the in state goat lover’s to the south or the nutria in Louisiana. The only bright spot has been the annual trips to Shreveport to enjoy whatever there is to do in Shreveport.

Bobby was now down and out. His childhood memories of ‘Bama glory has now been replaced with images of Dee Snyder looking strippers hugged up with Coach Price, Shula’s gold chains, stolen textbooks, and losing 6 straight to Tuberville. There just hasn’t been enough Golden Flake chips in the world to bring the good memories back. One day, during the 7th inning stretch of the Montgomery Biscuits baseball game (the only team winning championships in the state these days), he had a vision after visiting his friend John at the Biscuits souvenir stand. His faith in the Tide would be restored, because St. Nick the Magnificent has just appeared in front of him. He then told Bobby:

“Verily I say unto you, my child, that thy faith has been shaken. Why??? Be mindful of your thoughts, your feelings about the Crimson Tide have betrayed you. I have wined and dined with kings and queens, and I beseech you, my child, to have faith. Have you forgotten that I am a direct descendant of Bear himself??? Did you not remember that I vanquished the mighty Vols by my mastery and cunning alone??? I have unlimited resource$ at my disposal. Remember when Julio Jones put on that crimson hat on signing day??? Why have you lost your faith???

Bobby replied “My Prophet!!! You are not short like all the liberal left wing nut job papers report that you are. And your hair is so perfect and has a silky sheen to it. Do you use Prell???” To which St. Nick the Magnificent replied:

“You mean to tell me that is the response that I get??? Typical. How can these people afford to pay me $4 million per year with such dumb ass responses??? Oh well, West Virginia will be open in a couple of years. Listen son, have faith in me. I am great. I have put downtrodden programs back on the map and have a national championship to my credit. The problem is that right now we are still trying to weed out Gold Chain Shula’s players that he recruited. In a few years, we will be competing for that SEC West crown in no time.”

Bobby was now feeling much better. His faith had been just about restored, but he had to ask the following: “What about Auburn???

“For there is a great eagle to the south that soars high and wide over the stars that fell over Alabama. The eagle has posed little to no threat to life as we speak until recently. But verily I say unto you, Bobby, ye of the “fine” public educational system in Alabama, that we shall vanquish that eagle and the Tide will roll once again. Fear not, my child, for lo, I will be with you always (until my next fat paycheck). Continue to drink out of the Biscuits souvenir cup that has just touched the hem of my garment and you shall be transported to a happier time.”

It was then that Bobby woke up, pissy drunk in Montgomery County jail on charges of public intoxication after consuming 64 oz. of moonshine at a Southern League baseball game. It seemed that his friend John was an Auburn alum and alerted the police of his drunkenness…

I meant to put this up Friday, but my new promotion has me posting blogs at about the rate of Haley’s comet. Wait a minute, I’m a blogger. OK, so really I have just moved from one side of my mom’s basement to the other side of it, but the corner is too dark, full of spiders, and I get a horrible NetZero dial up connection.

RIP Harvey Korman, who was a genius actor and besides playing Hedley Lamarr in one of my all-time favorite movies, “Blazing Saddles”, was comedic gold with Tim Conway on the “Carol Burnett Show”. I think the thing that made him the best was that whenever he and Conway did a skit, they could barely keep it together…