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Archive for the ‘BCS’ Category

Here’s A Way To Keep Gas Prices Down

Posted by Joel on July 7, 2008

Everyone is being affected by the high gas prices in our country right now. Our company, like most businesses, is seeing transportation and manufacturing costs rise almost exponentially. The average American is spending more on gas than at any time in our country’s history. Sadly, this trend, according to some analysts, will continue through the end of the year. Currently, Obama and McCain have included plans to help alleviate the energy crisis, and from barbershops to flea markets, everyone has an answer…including me ;-)

Yes, even a pagan such as myself has an answer to the gas crunch…

I would not dare suggest that we start drilling on the hallowed grounds of Notre Dame Stadium. But the Fighting Irish, warming up here last year against Navy (which Navy won), is the solution.

According to the World Almanac, in 1973, the average price of a gallon of gas in the U.S. was 51 cents a gallon. Notre Dame won the national title that year. Every year after, the price of gas went up on average of 3 cents a gallon. In 1977, gas was up to 65 cents a gallon. Notre Dame won the national title again. Gas prices did not rise again until 1979. But in 1980, gas went up into the 1 dollar range (right before the Gerry Faust era). When Lou Holtz delivered the Fighting Irish another title in 1986, gas actually went down to 93 cents, down from 1.20. Consequentially, gas prices experienced huge jumps in 1999 (when they were placed on probation under Bob Davie) and also in 2004 (when Ty Willingham was fired).

To me it is simple: We should all root for Notre Dame to win the national title this year. Get them a national TV contract. Continue to have high hopes for them, even if it may seem misguided. Give them a schedule that should guarantee some success. Like the great Paul Hornung said, “Get the black athlete”. Above all, someone in the national media, hell, make it two people in the national media, should stomp for them.

Only then the terrorists won’t win…Touchdown Jesus will…

Posted in ACC, ACC Football, Ass Whipping, BCS, Big East, Brady Quinn, Charlie Weis, College Football, DUI, Football Poll, NCAA, NCAA Rules Violation, NFL Draft, NFL Football, Notre Dame, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, Sports, University of Southern Cal, ass chewing, big 10, big ten, big ten football, boo birds, boosters, cheaters, drunk, football, notre dame sucks, tyrone Willingham | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

1,2,3…Cut The F’n Tree!!!

Posted by Joel on June 4, 2008

These days, there are a few things that are peeking my interest whenever time permits me (seeing as though this is Christmas time in the swimming pool industry). These things include the following: the R. Kelly Trial (click here for the Chicago Sun Times blog on the perv’s trial), Hell’s Kitchen (thank God that puss Matt finally got voted off), and Cal-Berkeley vs. the Tree People. These long days of summer where I am stuck dealing with jackass customers and stuck at work while others are enjoying vacation totally suck, but these are ample distractions. The R. Kelly Trial is interesting to me because this fool had everything but could not stay away from the girls with the Trapper Keepers, just like predecessors Gary Glitter, Michael Jackson, and Jerry Lee Lewis. Hell’s Kitchen is just funny because Gordon Ramsay has just become my favorite Brit. Actually, I watch BBC America whenever his Kitchen Nightmare shows are on and I discovered a show called Footballer’s Wives that had Playmaker’s and 1st and Ten beat by a long shot.

And then there is the loooooooooong drawn out court battle between the University of California vs. some coked out, tree hugging, Birkenstock wearing hippies. I still can’t believe that these godless pagans beat Tennessee last year, but I digress. I know this is about to piss of AB, but seeing as though the tree people can’t possibly be getting internet access, maybe she can send them a smoke signal from the backyard of her palatial estate.

I don’t see how this school is still participating in major D-1A sports. If I were the Pac-10, I would kick them out and bring in Fresno State. At least the football program would have more upsets against top competition and the cheerleaders would have a little more “urbanism” than the grandecafemochachocolatte $10 cups of coffee the prissy Blackberry toting chicas at Berkeley.

As a native Southerner, it amazes me that a few people are actually trying to save 100 year old trees. They are letting these trees get in the way of a perfectly good football stadium and practice facility. What good are some oak trees when your football team plays mediocre football??? Well then again, this is Cal football we are talking about. Don’t worry Cal: USC, Oregon, Arizona St., and Oregon St. will be dropping half a hundred a piece on you in no time. Keep the trees, and pray that you can keep your coach. Besides, surely the school could make use of some fresh cut trees. I mean, wood will still be needed for the new locker rooms, luxury suites, doors, and paper for the playbooks. Let’s just call it a recycling program.

You know, something looks familiar about that damn Cal bear…

Posted in Arizona State Sundevils, BCS, Cal, College Football, Fresno State, NCAA, Pac 10, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Sports, Tennessee Volunteers, University of California berkeley, boosters, crazy | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

Where’s Perrilloux???

Posted by Joel on May 13, 2008

Ryan Perrilloux, he of the casino/weed smoking corndog sector of SEC country, is currently looking for a school to play ball since The Hat gave him the boot for inhaling some of the finest “Gator Green” or “Knoxville Recruiting Tool”. So far, Alabama A& M, Valdosta St., and Jacksonville St. are supposedly recruiting. Presumably Perrilloux will be attending a D-1AA or D-II school to play immediately.

Then I saw this story on ESPN about Jackson State University football coach Rick Comegy trying to recruit him. I then got a headache. Why???

Well being a proud alumnus of Tennessee State University, Jackson State is one of our biggest rivals. We are talking about a rivalry that goes back decades. Epic battles between beautiful Nashville and piss ant Jackson, MS have insured and now the rivalry game is held as the Southern Heritage Classic held in Memphis, one of the two times a year that the Liberty Bowl is actually full.

Tennessee State has been one of the top HBCU’s historically, both athletically and academically. The school has produced a 1st round pick in this year’s draft (Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie), can claim two guys that should be NFL Hall of Famers (Richard Dent and Ed “Too Tall” Jones), several Olympic gold medalists (Ralph Boston, Chandra Cheesborough, Wilma Rudolph), journalists (Carl Rowan, Tina Tyus-Shaw, niece of Wyomia Tyus, another TSU alum and 2 time gold medalist), and some lady named Oprah Winfrey. After Walter Payton and Morgan Freeman*, who are the rest of the famous alums from that hellhole???

Besides being part of a great tradition, Perrilloux will also benefit from playing in LP Field, an NFL stadium that is the home of the Tennessee Titans, and not some old crappy ass stadium in “glamorous” downtown Jackson. Perrilloux, if you are reading this (thank God you aren’t Jerrell Powe because I don’t want to get some neighborhood kids together to record a special “School House Rocks: Tennessee St. Edition”) check out the campus, check out the city, and come home.

Think of it this way: If Nashville was good enough for Pacman Jones then it is good enough for you…

*Editor’s Note: Upon further research, Morgan Freeman was offered a partial scholarship to Jackson State but turned it down to become an airplane mechanic.

Posted in Alabama State, All SEC Teams Beware!!, Arizona Cardinals, BCS, College Football, College Gameday, Conspiracy Theory, Coonass, Corn Dogs, Crime & Punishment, Dallas Cowboys, Discipline, ESPN, Internet Rumors, LSU Tigers, Les Miles, Liar, Marijuana, NCAA, NCAA Rules Violation, NFL, NFL Draft, Pacman, Pacman Jones, Ryan Perrilloux, Sports, alcoholics, bongs, boo birds, boosters, cheaters, court tv, draft pick, drugs, football, guilty, legal troubles, mary jane, pot | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

Tuberfield Is Coming

Posted by Joel on April 22, 2008

Posted in Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, All SEC Teams Beware!!, Ass Whipping, BCS, Bama Bangs, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Bear is Dead, Beat Bama, College Football, NCAA, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Sports, War Eagle, alcoholics, boo birds, boosters | Tagged: , , , , , | 2 Comments »

E-Mail From An Ohio State Fan

Posted by Joel on April 4, 2008

I have a friend named Peter who is a proud Buckeye. He graduates from Ohio State University, is a successful engineer, and is pretty well adjusted…

He is also a nutjob who is largely irrational when it comes to all things Ohio State. Trash talking is what he does, but I would not necessarily say it is the best thing he does. He actually sucks at it, as you will see from the following e-mail he sent me after the school’s triumph for winning the NIT last night. When I asked if he would not mind me sharing this e-mail with the rest of the free world, he said “Go for it, so the rest of the free world shall know the greatness that is being a Buckeye.”


I know it has been a while since I shot you a text or e-mail, but the wife and I are in New York now (ed. note: His wife Amanda is a Florida Gator). Anyway, we just left Madison Square Garden kickin the asses of those UMass flower children in the NIT championship game. So now you can’t talk trash on how we can’t win the big one.

The last decade has been a great time to be a Buckeye. After finally running off John Cooper, we finally have a coach that wins championships in Jim Tressel. Our football team is loaded and next year we will win it all, and bring home that crystal football back to it’s rightful place in Columbus.

In basketball, once we got another great coach in Thad Matta and got off of probation, we have been dominant in basketball too. We should have made the NCAA tournament this year, but we made lemonade out of lemons and won the NIT. Hey, a championship is still a championship, and I can look Amanda in the eye and say that Florida didn’t make it to the NIT championship this year. That would have been sweet redemption for last year, when we couldn’t get a foul call in the NCAA’s last year. I know if that game last year were played on a neutral court with better officials, we would have dominated. Oden and Conley were a dynamic duo.

Now we get Terrell Pryor coming. He can learn the Buckeye system under the great Todd Boeckman, who should win the Heisman trophy. Then he can step in like Troy Smith in a couple of years and win 3 Heismans. Keep in mind, the only player to win multiple Heismans is the great Archie Griffin. Either way, we will run through scUM and the rest of the Big Ten, and I pray to God we play another SEC team in the championship game so I can shut you and Amanda both up. I don’t see what the big deal is about the SEC. just because a few teams beat us due to home cooking (see this year’s BCS title game in New Orleans against LSU). Plus, we beat Ole Miss in the NIT semifinal, so we did beat an SEC team in something. Amanda tells me that beating Ole Miss in anything is like winning a foot race against a kid wearing special shoes, but I told her that eventually Forrest Gump broke free out of his.

Anyway, take care of the family and I will do better with e-mails,

Peter (GO BUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Now do you see why I just had to share this???


(pic courtesy of the hard working guys at Losers With Socks)

Posted in Ass Whipping, BCS, College Basketball, College Football, College Gameday, Crack, ESPN, Florida, Florida Gators, Football Poll, Gator Gangsters, Gator mafia, Herban Meyer, Jim Tressel, LSU Tigers, Les Miles, NCAA, Ohio State, Ole Miss, SEC, SEC Basketball, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, SEC Speed, basketball, big 10, big ten, big ten football, boosters, buckeyes, cheaters, crazy, dumbass, football, ohio state buckeyes, ole miss rebels | Tagged: , , | 4 Comments »

She’s A ‘Bama Cougar

Posted by Little Bear Cub on April 1, 2008

Alana Colette Connell is one sexy lady. And don’t you dipshits forget it. You clandestine sissy boys made fun of her last year kissing Nick Saban and getting arrested for DUI immediately afterwards. You fans of other schools are just jealous that a woman would take off of her job at Dollar General to attend a pep rally for the new coach. You wish you had fans as dedicated to the Capstone as Ms. Connell. She’s a Cougar.


Now that’s a fan. So what she had a few drinks too many? The cop that arrested her was a Barner. Those numbnuts from the Barn are just sooooooooooooooo jealous of our 12 prizes and the Paul “Bear” Bryant Museum. Remind me again who the fuck Pat Dye was? That’s right animal lovers, he ain’t even Bill Curry. Leave our George Dickel drinking cougar alone.

Oh, and to show you some more talent from Tuscaloosa, not that these jackasses on this site know what beauty is, here you go:


Roll Tide Roll Bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted in Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, All SEC Teams Beware!!, Auburn, BCS, Bammers, Mascots, NCAA, Nick Saban, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, SEC Speed, Saban, Scams, Sex Video, boosters, satire, scandal | Tagged: , , | 6 Comments »

Logan Young: Sacrificial Lamb

Posted by Little Bear Cub on March 31, 2008


Look at Mr. Young. He looks so peaceful, stoic, determined, and defiant. Damned all of the legal troubles, he is a true sacrifice for the institution that we call Alabama football. I love this pic of Mr. Young. Hanging on the wall behind him is God in houndstooth, Coach Bryant. I dare not call Mr. Young by his first name, because he is too important in the annals of Alabama football.

Some of us members of the now “Saban Nation” have distanced ourselves from Mr. Young. Not me. I fully embrace Mr. Young for his efforts to make sure that ‘Bama Ball keeps its rightful place among the top of college football. USC, Notre Dame, Ohio State, and Michigan football be damned. Alabama IS college football and the sacrifice that Mr. Young has made should be a shining example of giving up yourself for the greater good of Alabama football. RTR…

I am getting almost misty eyed writing this, but if I can get at least one of my fellow ‘Bama brethern to see the light, then I will gladly dehydrate by ocular extraction for the greater good. After all, Mr. Young gave the ultimate gift in the name of Alabama football, so a few lost tears won’t hurt.

Last December, before I made my winter hunting trip to Shreveport, I was in the Bass Pro Shop in Prattville looking for a brand new Benelli Super Nova w/ Steady Grip. This gun is perfect for hunting the native nutria in Shreveport. As I was holding the piece, a vision came upon me. As I made my purchase, I decided to name this particular gun Mr. Young. This gun would be used to pierce the hearts and heads of any prey that may come before me, just as Mr. Young used his incredible finances to ensure recruits land at Alabama. Anyway, after we set up our nutria blind in Shreveport, I got my gear on and loaded Mr. Young. As I laid down cabbage leaves in the nutria kill zone, I raced back to the blind until the first critter came out. I grabbed Mr. Young, saw the creature through my Bushnell scope, and squeezed the trigger. I caught that nutria right between the eyes. Mr. Young was accurate and deadly, just like the original. We ate plenty of nutria that night in December, along with some Golden Flake chips and a Coke, just like Bear did. The next night, we watched the Tide roll over those pagans from Colorado.

Mr. Young, you are gone, but this Little Bear Cub will never forget you or the sacrifice that you made for the University of Alabama. ROLL TIDE ROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted in Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, All SEC Teams Beware!!, Asphyxiation, Ass Whipping, BCS, Bama Bangs, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Bear is Dead, College Football, Crimson Tide, DUI, Dead Drunk, ESPN, Florida Sucks, Football Poll, Fulmer, Logan Young, Mascots, NCAA, Nick Saban, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Phillip Fulmer, Po Po, Police, Rips Media, Roll Tide, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, SEC Speed, Saban, Scams, alcoholics, armed robbery, ass chewing, boosters, cheaters, fire philip fulmer, football, fulmer sucks, killer, legal troubles, mentally challenged, mobsters, moral victories, moron, pimps, poker, repo, retarded, satire, scandal | Tagged: , | 4 Comments »

“Da U” Is Back???

Posted by Joel on March 27, 2008


The University of Miami used to be a dominant force in college football. They were brash, cocky, arrogant, and flashy. They were called Miami’s other pro football team. All-Pro after All-Pro played football there. As dominant as they were on the field, they were just as dominant in the Miami-Dade County lockup, with arrests for assault, marijuana possession (intent to distribute and use), domestic violence, gun possession, DUI, and an armed robbery once.

Well new coach Randy Shannon said last year that he would restore Miami back to dominance. After a 5-6 season last year, Shannon, known as a great recruiter, had a top 5 recruiting class this year with some very promising players, including what seems like every starter from local powerhouse Miami Northwestern. It seems like he is on his way to leading the ‘Canes back on the field…and off the field. Of course, his staff is taking charge in an R. Kelly type of way…


This is Rick Korch. He is was the university’s football team’s spokesman. He was fired and a criminal investigation has begun on child pornography charges after “questionable” images were found on his university computer.

He complained to the IT department that his PC was running slow. So when a technician checked it out, several images of child porn were found. Every computer on the university’s campus (just like most businesses) require a username and password, so even if he said that he didn’t download the child porn, he must have given out his login info to someone else, which is Computer 101 no-no. Of course, he already has a lawyer on the case, William Barzee. Here’s his statement:

“Rick Korch was terminated at the University of Miami due to inappropriate pornography on his work computer. However, he is innocent of any criminal wrongdoing and looks forward to having the opportunity to clear his name in the appropriate forum at the appropriate time. This is a private matter and we wish it to remain so.”

I am no lawyer but I have seen enough “To Catch A Predator” shows to know that child porn is illegal. I think law guys call this “spinning for the potential jury”. Whatever. Korch has an impressive resume and is married with 4 kids. I am no psychic, but I am willing to guess that soon it will be used to be married.

A fine start back to the express train to Babylon for Miami. Perverseness is one clear sign of the path that they are taking, and not even school president Donna Shalala, former Secretary of Health & Human Services for President Clinton, can’t stop the rolling ball once it starts. As for Korch, he will be ok. I am sure he will run into a former player or booster in Cell Block M…


Posted in ACC, ACC Football, BCS, College Football, Marijuana, Miami hurricanes, boo birds, boosters, cheaters, mary jane | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Toughest 81 Year Old in History

Posted by Joel on March 24, 2008

81. That is a significant number. Yes it is the number of a once entertaining, loud mouthed, suicidal wide receiver with a bad case of the drops. It is also the age of the toughest 81 year old coach in college football history, Joe Paterno.


The stories of him are legend. He still runs everyday. He’s not afraid to get in the grill of one of his massive linemen. He still wanted to coach his team on the sidelines just a few days after breaking his leg. He once crushed a milk carton on his head and didn’t even look to see if he recognized the missing person on the other side. He has been an institution, both at Penn State and college football. He even has a class at the school where students get to examine his historical role with the media (in case underwater basketweaving is full). So why does he not have a contract after this upcoming year???

graham_spanier_091305110347.jpg king.jpg

To the left is PSU President Graham Spanier, who to me looks remarkably like Pres. King from Doonesbury. Anyway, apparently Spanier has twice before gone to Paterno back in 2004 to try to convince the coach to quit. It didn’t work last time and for some reason, I don’t think it will happen this time. Besides, if they get rid of Paterno, a new coach won’t come nearly as cheap as the old coach. Young guys are easily commanding on average $2-3 million per year. They aren’t paying Paterno squat currently.

Spanier does not know who he is messing with. Even the name of Joe Paterno should send shivers down his spine. He does not know the power of Paterno. He certainly doesn’t want to challenge him MMA style. JoePa will break him off and have his beating heart on a platter next to the All-American Slam at Denny’s. And please don’t let the servers tell JoePa about the Senior’s menu. He hates that. Run him off, you administrators at Penn State if you dare. When you see him pick up a briefcase and his trusty Winchester named Bessie, that will be your ass that he will put on a platter at Golden Corral. Just remember: All God’s creatures have their place, right next to the mashed potatoes. And Paterno is hungry…

Posted in Ass Whipping, BCS, College Football, College Gameday, ESPN, Fines, Football Poll, Internet Rumors, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, Lee Corso, NCAA, Penn State, Penn State Nittany Lions, Sports, big 10, big ten, big ten football, boo birds, boosters, bumrush, cat killer, classless, dumbass, football, satire, sports & stuff, stupid, team spirit | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments »

Cardinals v. Wildcats Will Play When Exactly???

Posted by Joel on March 11, 2008


Apparently, in the “Bluegrass State”, there is a pissing match brewing (as usual) between the Louisville Cardinals v. Kentucky Wildcats. The argument this time??? What day of Labor Day weekend the annual football game will be played on. Louisville wants to play the game on Monday night, Sept. 1. Kentucky wants to play the game sometime between Thursday, Aug. 28 to Aug. 31. ESPN would like to televise the game on Monday to take advantage of the usualMonday night Football slot (the NFL season won’t start until the following week). Kentucky’s reason for wanting the game at an earlier date: They want recovery time so that they can prepare for…NORFOLK STATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here’s a quote from Kentucky AD Mitch Barnhart:

“We’re willing to play that game Thursday through Sunday, and we’ve communicated that to the people at ESPN,” Kentucky AD Mitch Barnhart told the Courier-Journal. “We’re not going to play that on a Monday night and give ourselves that short turnaround on a Saturday game. We’re going to have a young team, and we feel it’s in the best interest of our program to guard that prep time and that recovery time.”

Now keep in mind he is complaining about resting for Norfolk State. Not Ohio State, Florida State, Arizona State, Oregon State, or Michigan State. He is talking about Norfolk State, an HBCU, D-1AA program. Yes I know Appalachian State beat Michigan last year, but Appy State has been a dominant team in D-1AA (yes I still refuse to call it Football Championship Series). This is Norfolk State we are talking about. If Kentucky can’t man up on 5 days rest to beat Norfolk State, then they will be screwed for the upcoming SEC slate. Of course, they just might be screwed anyway, considering Andre Woodson and Wesley Woodward aren’t there anymore.

At the end of the day, this is gonna be a battle of mediocre teams, and whatever ESPN wants, ESPN gets. If they wanted this game played a day before Kentucky plays the “mighty” Norfolk State Spartans, it will happen. Money talks, and ESPN has billions of Disney Dollars. So Kentucky, give it up. Play the game on Monday night, have a light practice week, and roll up Norfolk State on that Saturday. One or two extra days to rest up against a D-1AA opponent is not gonna make a difference when you are gonna have the second string in by half time anyway. Oh, and can someone from Kentucky please explain this???

Posted in A. Woodson, All SEC Teams Beware!!, Appalachian State, Arizona State Sundevils, Ass Whipping, BCS, Big East, Bobby Petrino, College Football, College Gameday, ESPN, Kentucky Wildcats, Louisville, Louisville Cardinals, NCAA, Norfolk State, Ohio State, Oregon State Beavers, Rips Media, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, SEC Speed, ass chewing, boo birds, boosters, cat killer, classless, crazy, draft pick, dumbass, moral victories, moron, retarded, riots, satire, scandal | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »