Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for the ‘cheaters’ Category

Bama to give up 21 wins

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 12, 2009

001AlabamaFan

Alabama football will be forced to give up 21 wins from the 2005-07 seasons. Does that really hurt? No, not really. In all 16 athletic programs and 201 athletes were involved in a textbook scam. 

Five players were suspended from the team in 2007 after it was revealed that they used their scholarship benefits to gain free textbooks for other students. Officials were immediately suspicious when athletes decided to pick up any textbooks at all.  However, since the violations allegedly started in 2005, any victory from those three seasons that those players participated in would have to be vacated. The school will also be on the never ending probation for three years and have to pay a fine. 

Vacating wins means absolutely nothing. It doesn’t take back the booster money or tickets sales that those wins generated. The only true way to hurt a school is to take away scholarships, and the NCAA will not be doing that, even though Alabama is a multiple repeat offender. This particular offense is very minor and so is the punishment, even if the NCAA probably wants you to think otherwise. 

Mike Price is celebrating by heading to the strip club…”Roll Tide, right coach?”

“It’s rolling, baby!”

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Cheats, Bama Sucks, Fuck Bama, NCAA Rules Violation, Nick Saban, SEC, cheaters, classless | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Apparently Derrick Rose really is stupid

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 28, 2009

In less than 24 hours after the news broke about Memphis and “major” recruiting violations, there’s a brand new report that claims Derrick Rose needed a lot of help getting into a finer institute of higher learning.

The Sun-Times is reporting that four students at Simeon High School in Chicago, including Rose, had grades changed on their high school transcripts after graduation. The grade were changed and then mailed to colleges and then changed back once they were mailed. So far no one knows who changed the grades or even why, because it would not have affected the students high school eligibility however it is interesting to note that Rose and two other students affected were apart of Simeon’s back-to-back state championship teams. Amateurs… all I needed was a sharpie to change my F to an A.

Also altered on Rose’s transcript: He likes Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain. He’s not much into Yoga and he has half a brain. Ok I’m paraphrasing on that.

Now I know the very thought of some “one-and-done” player might have needed some help getting into a college is hard to fathom, but trust me it does happen. Since Rose is already in the NBA I suppose we’ll just have to take our anger elsewhere. I vote for booing the kids who misspell words during the televised spelling bee tonight.

Posted in Chicago Bulls, Derrick Rose, Memphis Tigers, NCAA Rules Violation, cheaters | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »

Broken Plays: The TGIF Edition

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 20, 2009

ea-tongue1

I know it’s been awhile since I ran a Broken Plays segment. So sue me.

MoonDogSports.com is reporting about how Charles Barkley will star in a golf-themed reality show. This of course cause me to wonder if Barkley will be the first person to bet on the fact that he will get a DUI on a golf cart.

The boys over at the Third Saturday in Blogtober have a new look and an excellent write-up about how the Atlanta Journal Constitution has become something a lot less than journalism.

Ashton Kutcher will try to ruin the game of football by playing a “superstar NFL QB” who trades bodies with some 12 year-old geek. Initial reports have Eli Manning cast as the 12 year old geek. In my opinion Faces of Death had more laughs in it than this pile of shit will ever get.

The Washington Nationals’ prized recruit has been caught lying about his name & age. This falsifying of the birth certificates of Latin-born players is just destroying the credibility of baseball.

Did Dr. Phil just shave his mustache on the left?

Is Baseball worse than pro-wrestling? It is if you believe Jesse “The Body” Ventura and he actually brings up some good points.

“My question is: They’ve now determined 104 baseball players failed their steroid test in 2003 – 104! They indicted Vince McMahon, why aren’t they indicting Bud Selig?”

Yahoo!’s Dan Wetzel agrees with Jesse and even further states that Major League Baseball under Bud Selig might even be steroid friendly than the days of Hulk-a-Mania.

“McMahon, who beat the conspiracy to distribute steroids charges in 1994, actually ran an honest operation compared to Selig. While Hulk Hogan may have claimed he was just “eating his vitamins,” anyone over the age of 12 understood the entire thing was make-believe, just entertainment.

Not Selig. Not baseball. They clung to an illusion they either knew wasn’t true or should’ve known wasn’t true. When confronted repeatedly with facts that the game was a sham, they reacted at a glacial pace.

Selig is so surrounded by yes-men and so comforted by apologists in the media – or organizations willing to suspend anyone who mocks him – that he believes his own lunacy.”

“That Selig.
Son of a bitch is dug in like an Alabama tick.”

Jessie Ventura as “Blain” in Predator.

I’ll admit freely that I’m a fan of the TV show Paranormal State. Now E! has a new take on ghost hunting that involves hot chicks in little IQ and scary places. Welcome to Hot Girls In Scary Places, starring the USC song girls.

“They’re totally scared, and totally believe experiences they’re going through,” says executive producer Gary Auerbach. “They’ll get scared and then be talking about a sorority party coming up. It’s a little bit ‘Scooby Doo’-ish.”

I think Weird Al already used this idea in UHF. I think some paranormal activity might be going in my pants. Quick, I need the USC Song Girls to investigate. (I realize that was crass but it sure is funny)

burnt-bama-hahaha

Regardless of what anyone thinks I was not in Tuscaloosa yesterday!!! I have an alibi, isn’t that right Joel? (wink wink nudge nudge)

My pick for next year’s NBA Slam Dunk contest is David Stern.

sb-david-stern-r

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Ashton Kutcher, Bud Selig, Charles Barkley, DAvid Stern, Jesse "The Body" Ventura, NBA, USC, University of Southern Cal, Vince Mcmahon, WWE, Washington Nationals, cheaters, wrestling | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

You know that Mindy McCready chick is really turning into a media whore

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 19, 2008

The never ending story of Mindy “I’m now a media whore” McCready & Roger “I’m a jacked up steroid using, wife cheating bastard” Clemens is now taken yet another strange turn.

Media Whore Mindy told Inside Edition that contrary to other published reports she didn’t meet Clemens when she was fifteen instead she was sixteen and relations didn’t occur until “years later”.

So he wasn’t a pedophile, just a philandering douche. I guess that moves him up to a significantly less horrific circle of hell.

“Carrying on a relationship with him is not something I’m proud of,” she said, according to a partial transcript released by the show. “Roger Clemens is one of the most wonderful men I’ve ever known. … He treated me like a princess.”

“We never had a meeting in secret. We went on vacations together. We went to Palm Springs. We went to Las Vegas, New York City,” McCready told Inside Edition. “I wanted him to do right by me … and when he wouldn’t, I broke it off.”

McCready also apologizes to Clemens’ wife, Debbie, and says that at one point she wanted to end it all. “I have nothing but remorse and nothing but sympathy for what [Debbie] had to go through with this situation, and she has my utmost apology,” she told Inside Edition.

Now many of you might remember me reporting on a documentary that was being filmed about McSlutty, well with the timing of this interview, it might be a safe guess that it’s about to be released.

I’m guessing that both will be on Surreal Life here in a few years.

Posted in Douche Bag, Mindy McCready, Roger Clemens, cheaters, classless, secrets, steroids | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Cage fighting bammer gets jail time. Alternative title: Lou Holtz is a retard

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 8, 2008

Joey Barrett Jr. as thrust himself into the finalist of Alabama fan of year. Here is the distasteful tale of a Bammer, Auburn fans and a retard named Louie Holtz. (Story)

I always knew Lou Holtz was retarded.

Joey Barrett is a tough Bammer SOB why he’s even a cage fighter that comes from a cage fighting family. In 2005 Barrett challenged two Auburn students by yelling “Roll Tide” in front of the Phi Kappa Tau fraternity house on the eve of the Iron Bowl.

Now that’s tough! Of course Barrett also had a knife (Cheater!! But he’s a Bammer what would you expect?) and stabbed one of the fraternity brothers who had to be rushed to the hospital with a collapsed lung.

The police levied a litany of assault charges against him causing his father, Daddy Barrett who is also known as King of Abba Shrine Center cage fighters, to whine that his offspring was being “railroaded”.

During the first trial in 2006 Barrett’s defense attorneys told the jury that man named Louie Holtz was the one that stabbed the Auburn student and not his angelic cage fighting client.

Here’s the kicker. Louie Holtz is mentally retarded so the judge ordered that he be represented by council. Holtz’s attorneys advised him not to testify. Since the jury had already heard Barrett’s sleazy lawyers state during the trial that Holtz was the stabber the judge had to declare a mistrial.

Now how would a retarded man get involved in such a thing? Well the prosecution decided to investigate and found out that Barrett bribed Holtz with a car (probably something sporty that a bammer would love like a 87 Berretta) to take the blame for his misgivings.

Once, Billy Bob Bammer paid a homeless man named Petey Carroll three bottles of rubbing alcohol to confess to the murder of a prostitute.

Oh Barrett knew how to cheat. He might even have a job with the university when he’s released from jail.

Feeling the heat Barrett copped a plea and was sentenced to 18 months in jail and five years probation for first-degree assault, as well as one year, to run concurrently with the first penalty, for bribing a retard.

Daddy Barrett AKA King of Abba Shrine Center cage fighters could not be reached for comment after the trial which is typical. After all the whining he did. Rumor has it that he is training for his next match. I pity his opponent.

Meanwhile Barrett Jr. will be in the Mobile County Metro Jail serving his time and hopefully being raped by a large Auburn fan.

Alabama: Paying retards to take credit for the work done by others both on and off the field.

Stay classy Bammers!!!

Barrett's defense attorneys notice the nancy-boy in the skirt

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Bangs, Bama Cheats, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Bear is Dead, Crime & Punishment, Roll Tide, cheaters | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

It all smoke and mirrors because Georgia cheats!

Posted by Billy Bob Bammer on August 5, 2008

The Fulmer Cup is ours bitches! Keep your MFing paws off!

The Fulmer Cup is ours bitches! Keep your MF'ing paws off! RTR!

You dirty MF’ing Dawgs! I know that you know that I know that Little Bear Cub knows that you dirty Dawgs are nothing but cheaters! I should know I’m a Bama fan and Bama fans know cheating tactics (R.I.P. Logan Young) when they see it. Hell we invented it! rtr

Do you Dawg fans have a contract on my life? As Thomas the Terrible reported, when I heard about your practice sessions for next years Fulmer Cup I went on a Copenhagen & PBR bender. Now that I’m out of the hospital I see you’re actually trying to make a push to win that dang’um cup this year!

Georgia listen to me, you’ll never defeat Alabama (except on the football field.) To add insult to injury you’re holy of holiest coaches is trying to steal our cup by cheating!! You dirty Dawgs! rtr

Go ahead and suspend Darius Dingleberry Dewberry for overturning the beds of Bama fans trashcans and vandalizing a hospital. Truth is he wasn’t arrested so you get no Fulmer Cup points! Ha! RTR!

“Yeah, it’s embarrassing,” Richt said, “it’s sad. It’s certainly been a distraction. There is no way you can say it’s not a distraction because it has been.”

You should be embarrassed about how you are trying to win the Fulmer Cup by cheating.

I will give Richt credit for choosing the pattern of discipline that the Florida Gators School of Discipline proved useful:

  • Rule 1 – Always suspend your players during the first game (or two) of the year against patsies. No longer is suspension ever necessary.
  • Rule 2 – The Crowder rule. If a tough opponent appears during the first two games, enforce the discipline at a later game in the year against a weak sister team.
  • Rule 3 – The Thomas rule. Alternate suspension time around important games. Suspend the player. Bring him back. Suspend him again. Bring him back. Then dismiss him.

Go ahead and try to cheat in order to win. You’ve bitten off than you can chew Dawgs. Alabama perfected this method. The crimes of your players are frail and weak compared to Bammers crimes. You have pubic drunkenness we have cocaine dealer. (Remember to stop by the corner of Main & 4th that’s where I opened my Jimmy Johns franchise.) RTR

Now if you’ll excuse me I have to masturbate to old episodes of “Petticoat Junction.” RTR Bitches!

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Bangs, Bama Cheats, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Fulmer Cup, Georgia Bulldogs, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, cheaters, mark richt | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Here’s A Way To Keep Gas Prices Down

Posted by Joel on July 7, 2008

Everyone is being affected by the high gas prices in our country right now. Our company, like most businesses, is seeing transportation and manufacturing costs rise almost exponentially. The average American is spending more on gas than at any time in our country’s history. Sadly, this trend, according to some analysts, will continue through the end of the year. Currently, Obama and McCain have included plans to help alleviate the energy crisis, and from barbershops to flea markets, everyone has an answer…including me ;-)

Yes, even a pagan such as myself has an answer to the gas crunch…

I would not dare suggest that we start drilling on the hallowed grounds of Notre Dame Stadium. But the Fighting Irish, warming up here last year against Navy (which Navy won), is the solution.

According to the World Almanac, in 1973, the average price of a gallon of gas in the U.S. was 51 cents a gallon. Notre Dame won the national title that year. Every year after, the price of gas went up on average of 3 cents a gallon. In 1977, gas was up to 65 cents a gallon. Notre Dame won the national title again. Gas prices did not rise again until 1979. But in 1980, gas went up into the 1 dollar range (right before the Gerry Faust era). When Lou Holtz delivered the Fighting Irish another title in 1986, gas actually went down to 93 cents, down from 1.20. Consequentially, gas prices experienced huge jumps in 1999 (when they were placed on probation under Bob Davie) and also in 2004 (when Ty Willingham was fired).

To me it is simple: We should all root for Notre Dame to win the national title this year. Get them a national TV contract. Continue to have high hopes for them, even if it may seem misguided. Give them a schedule that should guarantee some success. Like the great Paul Hornung said, “Get the black athlete”. Above all, someone in the national media, hell, make it two people in the national media, should stomp for them.

Only then the terrorists won’t win…Touchdown Jesus will…

Posted in ACC, ACC Football, Ass Whipping, BCS, Big East, Brady Quinn, Charlie Weis, College Football, DUI, Football Poll, NCAA, NCAA Rules Violation, NFL Draft, NFL Football, Notre Dame, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, Sports, University of Southern Cal, ass chewing, big 10, big ten, big ten football, boo birds, boosters, cheaters, drunk, football, notre dame sucks, tyrone Willingham | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

A-Rod Thinks Love Sucks

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 3, 2008

I have a saying that I’ve dropped on more than one occasion and that saying is:

Marriage means commitment and so does insanity.

Apparently Cynthia Rodriguez is finding that out. Last night she separated from her overpaid Madonna loving husband Alex Rodriguez.

Wait a minute…Alex Rodriguez is straight?

Word of the breakup comes a day after widespread reports that the Bombers’ $275 million cleanup hitter has been seen sliding head first with Madonna.

My take on this is:

Madonna 15-years ago? Yes!
Madonna today. NO! She looks like Tom Petty.

“It’s true,” a source told The Daily News. “They’ve been having problems for about three months.”

Revelations of the couple’s not-so-great-nuptials came as new rumors surfaced on the Internet that Cynthia Rodriguez, 34, was having a fling with rocker Lenny Kravitz. Who is in the middle of his “Love Revolution Tour” in Europe.

In May of 2007 A-Fraud was busted with a rather well-endowed and sleazy looking stripper named Joslyn Noel Morse.

Which leads me to ask this question: Why did Mrs. A-Fraud have another child with this man after he humiliated her in front of the entire world? Now there is a little three month old baby who is going to grow up in a broken home. It is just so very sad when the children have to pay for the sins of their parents.

Madonna, who is coping with rumors of her own breakup with husband Guy Ritchie, has denied she and A-Fraud is an item. “They’re just friends,” Madonna’s spokeswoman insisted.

The Madonna camp claims A-Fraud has shown active interest in studying the Jewish mystical practice popularized by Madonna, her director hubby, and Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher.

A source at Madonna’s building told Us Weekly that:

“Rodriguez has been hanging out at her apartment a lot lately. He’s been leaving by himself as late has midnight. All the doormen are talking.”

Us Weekly cited another source saying Rodriguez visited Madonna “possibly as early as the night after his wife gave birth” to their daughter, Ella, in a Miami-area hospital on April 21.

So basically A-Fraud just wants one of those not so cool red bracelets

A-Fraud joins a not so exclusive club. Every crazy athlete has slept with Madonna. Jose Canseco, Dennis Rodman, Charles Barkley…etc. As I recall, didn’t Rodman’s problems start right after he started dating Madonna. Before that he was a soft spoken, normal guy. Then he slept with Madonna and just went completely crazy and at one point showed up in a wedding dress to marry himself.

Without mentioning Rodriguez by name, Steinbrenner had some comments about the team’s on-field slump.

“I don’t know. Maybe a little less outside distractions and a little more concentrating and they’ll start hitting better,” he said.

If A-Fraud had as many homeruns now as the number of men Madonna has slept with he would already have the homerun record.

In a fight:

Guy Ritchie over A-Fraud

A-Fraud over Lenny Kravitz

On a side note, health studies have shown that 1 in 4 New Yorkers have herpes… Madonna being cited as the common variable.

Posted in A-Fraud, Alex Rodriguez, Arod, Love Sucks, MLB, Madonna, Major League Baseball, cheaters, classless, new york yankees, yankees suck | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Just Breaking!! Willie Andews Arrested Again! Let’s all Hope he’s not Anyones Hero

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 30, 2008

Patriots defensive back Willie Andrews seems like a nice enough guy. If you disregard that little possession of marijuana with intent to distribute charge. That was when the Po Po found about half-pound of marijuana during a car stop two days after the Super Bowl.

After losing that game I could understand the need to get high.

So now he’s cool. Right? Well…yeah if you’re not his girlfriend. You see Andrews was arrested this morning for allegedly holding a handgun to his girlfriend’s head during an argument.

Mansfield police said the 23-year-old victim told them she and Andrews had been arguing, allegedly over him cheating on her (what a Patriot cheat? never…), when he pulled out a Glock .45-caliber handgun and held it to her temple at about 1:40 a.m. today.

Andrews, 24, was arrested at his apartment on Connors Avenue, Mansfield, at about 4:30 a.m. today, authorities said.

Andrews allegedly told police he did not have a gun, but the strangest thing happened. The said weapon was recovered near a Dumpster at his apartment complex, prosecutors and Po Po said.

He was arraigned at Attleboro District Court this afternoon on charges of assault with a dangerous weapon and unlawful possession of a firearm without a Firearm Identification Card.

Andrews was held without bail pending a dangerousness hearing Thursday, according to Bristol County District Attorney’s office.

Don’t you think Willie seems like a nice boy? Anyone care to run a criminal background check on him to see what else we find? :)

Posted in Crime & Punishment, NFL Football, New England Patriots, Willie Andrews, cheaters, classless | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The Tide is High

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 25, 2008

Little Saint Nicky is having a bad off-season at Alabama.

In February Saban said:

“I’ve said enough is enough and we’re trying to fix it.”

Now with the arrests totaling ten Saban might be heard saying:

“Those dang Shula recruits ruining my regime. The Saban Regime shall have no other coke heads or players packing heat. Hey secretary, call Mal Moore and tell him to get Shula in here, I am going to kick his little gravy training ass back to his Pa. I’m going to Dick’s to buy some more straw hats. Mal you little weasel, I want another million to put up with this crap.”

The reason? Just a little coke dealer on the team that’s all. Ken Stabler might have a new roommate in rehab.

And they say it never snows in Alabama.

Jimmy Johns (not the sandwich franchise) a linebacker, was arrested Tuesday in Tuscaloosa and charged with five felony counts of distributing cocaine.

To add insult to injury a sixth charge of possession was also tacked on after police officers searched his off-campus residence and found cocaine and Ecstasy pills.

Saban knowing a super secret double probation punishment wouldn’t cut it this time, kicked JJ off the team.

“This type of behavior obviously will not be tolerated, and he is no longer a part of our program,” Saban said in a statement.

Capt. Jeff Snyder, who heads up the West Alabama Narcotics Task Force, said the Po Po received information about two months ago that Johns was involved in the selling of drugs.

“Once we were able to get our investigation in place, we were able to buy from him five different times over the last week and a half and were then able to obtain a search warrant for his residence,” Snyder said. “He was popular. A lot of people knew him.”

Records did not indicate whether Johns had hired a lawyer. He was held at the metro jail with bond set at $120,000.

I’m no Johnnie Cochran, especially since I am not dead or in hell, but it looks like Mr. Johns is in some major trouble. Certainly more trouble than normal players who had the various drinking charges a few months back. $120,000 bond, it’d take Saban a couple of hours to earn that kind of money with his contract.

Saban+Alabama+3 years=Sanctions.

You stay classy Bama! I’d be doing drugs to if I lost to Louisiana Monroe!

To bad this police officer wasn’t the one investigating the matter…maybe JJ would still be on the team.

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Crime & Punishment, Crimson Tide, Louisiana Monroe, Nick Saban, Roll Tide, SEC Football, cheaters, cocaine | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments »