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Archive for the ‘Crime & Punishment’ Category

Gators ripping off other Gators…lovely

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 28, 2009

School pride can be a wonderful thing and former Gator Anthone Lott has so much Florida pride that he refuses to commit crimes unless they are against other former Gators. 

The state of Florida has filed charges against Lott accusing him of theft, fraud and money laundering, for a crooked construction deal in which Lott took money from a bank construction loan, and then did none of the work he was hired for. Which was probably building a cross for Tebow or something.  The contractor at the other end of the loan was fellow former Gator Joseph Weary. Both men are apart of the 1996 championship team. Lott is definitely the 1% of 1% material that Meyer craves. 

Lott & Weary were actually in a civil suit over this very situation but settled out of court last year, but the state prosecutors have filed charges so the fat lady hasn’t sung yet. Maybe Steve Spurrier can be called into this case and dispense justice with his “Visor-of-Death.”  As long as he doesn’t disrespect the play-calling, I’m sure Lott will be welcome back in the athletic department anytime.

Posted in 1%, Crime & Punishment, Florida Gators, Gator Gangsters, Gator mafia, Steve Spurrier, Urban Meyer | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

It’s summer in South Carolina time for the arrests to start happening

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 26, 2009

Well I certainly hoped you enjoyed your Memorial Day weekend I know I certainly did. I believe that there is one South Carolina recruit and one current football South Carolina player that did not enjoy this past weekend.

First up is the highly touted running back recruit Ben Axon. Axon originally committed to Clemson also had offers from F$U, West Virginia and Purdue.

Axon should be making plans to report to South Carolina in June like all the other freshmen football players but I have a feeling he will be held up for awhile. The Manatee (Florida) Po Po pulled over a car that had the odor the sweet sticky icky weed radiating from the backseat where Axon and the 23 bags of marijuana that he was “holding” was. Call it a tribute to Michael Phelps.

Axon has been released on bail but whether he will have a chance to graduate with his class on May 30th or even the scholarship offer from Steve God Spurrier is still good is right now up in the air. Knowing Spurrier’s past history of discipline I’m sure it is.

Speaking of discipline let’s move on to current South Carolina cornerback C.C. Whitlock. He was just reinstated after the sophomore missed most of spring practice while under academic suspension.

This past weekend Whitlock was arrested for trespassing after him and a few friends refused to leave a club after the owner, security personal and deputies ordered him to exit the premises.

Spurrier has suspended Whitlock from the team for now. Whitlock was one of five players who brawled with non-students in September during a fracas at the food court of the Russell House.

Posted in Crime & Punishment, Discipline, Marijuana, Po Po, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Steve Spurrier | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

In case you didn’t know…

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 20, 2009

Michael Vick snuck out of prison this morning to avoid the onslaught of media that was awaiting for him. However YMSWWC’s super photographer did manage to snap this shot.


Posted in Crime & Punishment, Douche Bag, Michael Vick, dog fighting, ookie | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Kennedy takes a plea deal I wonder if he is finally able to have sex with Kimber again

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 22, 2009


Well it’s come to this. Andy Kennedy takes a plea deal for a reduced charge of disorderly conduct in return received 40 hours of community service and six months probation. Thanks in part to this an international incident has been avoided. 

After months of denying and calling others liars, he cops a deal. I’m sure it was just to put this behind him, and not because of the pictures, police report, and impartial witness to his actions supporting the taxi driver’s statement. 

The AD doesn’t seem pleased about this situation and I think he has many questions for which only Kennedy has the answers. 

“Andy should have handled this situation better as it relates to the time frame and subsequent dispute,” athletics director Pete Boone said. 

For those of you who might not know Kennedy was arrested last December when Mississippi was in Cincinnati for a game against Louisville as part of the SEC/Big East Invitational. Cab driver Mohamed Moctar Ould Jiddou said Kennedy punched him in the face and called him a terrorist after he told the coach he couldn’t fit him and four others into his cab. 

Kennedy has dummied up after the hearing Monday, noting that the civil lawsuits are still pending. Like the one where his spouse, Kimber, is suing the cab driver because the stress involved with this incident has caused Kennedy not to sexually perform like a man 

Kennedy later released a statement through Ole Miss apologizing to the school and its fans. 

“I acknowledge using poor judgment which resulted in an adverse reflection on me, my family, our program and the university that I so proudly represent,” Kennedy said in his statement. 

I think this was a bad move on Kennedy’s part due to the fact he has now opened himself up even further to civil lawsuits by essentially pleading guilty though a plea bargain. 

I can’t help but wander how much differently the situation would have been handled had it been a player involved in the skirmish as opposed to the head coach. With this admission of guilt, Kennedy deserves to be punished by the university and the NCAA. 

If they make a movie of this, I hope Michael Chiklis gets the role of Andy Kennedy.

Posted in Andy Kennedy, Crime & Punishment, Kimber Kennedy, Lawsuit, SEC Basketball, SEC Coaches, ole miss rebels | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Check out the big brain on Michael Vick…

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 6, 2009

There are things in this world that are guaranteed which can not be denied. For example, there will always be death and taxes, the sun will always rise and I will always hate the music of Nickelback no matter how much Holly likes them. There’s also one other thing in this life that is guaranteed and that is Michael Vick is an idiot. 

Last Friday Vick was bitch-slapped in a bankruptcy court. A Virginia judge rejected Vick’s complete and utter moronic bankruptcy plan. Apparently the judge didn’t think it was such a great idea for a convicted felon/ex-athlete, who is up to ears in debt, to claim he needs two houses and four cars. Hilarity did not ensue after this request. 

Reading over Lester Munson’s analysis of Michael Vick’s rejected bankruptcy plan, I can’t help but to wonder just how conscience-stricken the former Falcons QB and dog-fighting financer is. 

At one point during the bankruptcy hearing, Vick actually claimed he was “on lockdown” 23 hours a day, which is a complete lie since minimum-security Federal prisons have no lockdown. 

It was also revealed that Vick removed $150,000 illegally from a defined benefit pension fund, something Vick had already said he knows to be a no-no. Vick claims that he spent all the monies he obtained from Nike via endorsement deals, on life insurance on himself and his mother. I have a feeling that upon hearing this, Marcus probably sighed with relief because that means he will probably not be murdered for cash since no one really likes him anyway. 

So far Vick has spent a staggering $3.7 million for his crackerjack legal and accounting team. The judge pointed out to Vick’s team of legal eagles that he spending about $13,000 a day in litigation. Which I’m sure if this was pointed out privately by someone else would have caused high-fives between the attorneys. 

Maybe it’s time that Vick hires new help or go to Plan B which is where Marcus robs people at fast food joints in order to pay off Michael’s debts after he scrapes together enough money for a bus pass for his getaway first. 

Remember when Marcus said he was “taking his game to the next level” after he was kicked off the Hokies? I take that to mean that he only robs Applebee’s and TGI Friday’s now.

Posted in Bankruptcy, Crime & Punishment, Herpes, Michael Vick, Ron Mexico, bad newz kennels, dog fighting, marcus vick | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The question is: Did it taste like chicken?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 30, 2009

As I mentioned in an earlier posting, spring is here, the pollen count is up and more South Carolina Gamecocks are being arrested and/or suspended. 

The latest victim…err….perpetrator is fullback Dustyn McElroy. The Po Po says that the 22 year-old was getting his St. Patrick’s drink on at a bar called the Village Idiot in the dreaded Five Points area of Columbia. While there at the Idiot, this moron is involved in an altercation where his Hannibal Lecter shown through and he bit…yes bit another man on the face. 

I have to ask: Did he taste like chicken? I mean really. According to the report, when a man tried to break up the fight, McElroy placed him in a “bear hug” and bit him on the left cheek, causing a “severe facial laceration.” 

Apparently McElroy wasn’t satisfied with the taste of human flesh and then decide to punch & shatter a storefront window of an art gallery that is adjacent to the Village Idiot.

Michael Jeffcoat, McElroy’s attorney, claims McElroy acted in self-defense after seven men jumped him on the sidewalk outside the bar.

“He’d been attacked by seven guys and he just wanted to get away,” Jeffcoat said. “They jumped on him and he didn’t have any choice but to defend himself.”

I have to agree. I know that if I was jumped by numerous people I would have to punch a storefront window. That’s in the Chuck Norris self defense manual. 

This isn’t the first time McElroy has been in trouble with the law, he pleaded guilty in November to a previous charge of assault and battery of a high and aggravated nature, and was sentenced to 18 months probation.

Posted in Crime & Punishment, Fights, Five Points, SEC, South Carolina Gamecocks, Taste like chicken, Village Idiot, dumbass | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

How to dance into the heart of a former gymnast

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 27, 2009

The way to win a former Olympian gymnast’s heart is ever so simple: duct tape, a handgun, a shotgun and a shotgun. At least that’s what Robert O’Ryan, 34, thought when he went to break onto the set of ABC’s Dancing with the Stars earlier this week. He had thoughts of love about Shawn Johnson.

Shawn Johnson is the 2008 Olympic women’s balance beam gold medalist, the individual all-around silver medalist, the 2007 all-around World Champion, and the 2007 and 2008 U.S. all-around champion. In case you didn’t know. Luckily for those Chinese gymnasts, they’re not allowed to dance.

Johnson was hanging out on the set of Dancing with the Stars while O’Ryan was busy jumping a fence at ABC studios and was subsequently stopped by security. He just wanted to meet Johnson because even though she doesn’t know it yet, they’re soul mates and are destined to have babies together.

“He believes (Johnson) is speaking to him personally through the television and via ESP and that he will be with her no matter what,” Johnson’s court papers state.”

So she told him via ESP to come take her away, but she also told him to bring two guns and some duct tape? That’s a kinky bitch.

Erin Andrews tells me via ESPN that we belong together.

This tale of love gone awry ends typically: a restraining order has been filed and O’Ryan is being held on $35,000 bail on suspicion of carrying a loaded firearm in public. William Shakespeare couldn’t have written a more tragic ending.

It’s too bad this didn’t happen when Mark Cuban was on the show. Security might have allowed the guy to enter the building.

However I believe if he truly loved her he would have been wearing adult diapers and a wig. Come on man, act like you give a shit!

Posted in Crime & Punishment, Dancing with the Stars, Gymnastics, Shawn Johnson, Stalking | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

“I loved coaching you girls, here’s a photo of my spike”

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 27, 2009

For the past several weeks I’ve written about at least one high school coach doing bad things that involve kids and this is no exception.

Meet Jeffrey Steffens, he currently plays volleyball for Sacramento State and used to coach the freshmen girls team at Union Mines High School in from Oct. through Dec., 2008.

Like all good coaches he chose to keep in touch with his former players and follow their development as volleyball players. He also kept them in the loop about his development of his penis by sending photos of it via a cell phone. For odd reason I can see a text message coming in before the photos saying “DUZ THIS LK INFECTED 2 U?”

And now for perhaps the dumbest quote of the week:

“Union Mine varsity volleyball coach Mike Yates says he knows Steffens. “He works hard, he cares about the kids,” he said. “I don’t think he messed up, I just think he got caught up in a screwy situation.”

Of course the photos came to the attention of school officials and thankfully so and Steffens was subsequently arrested. He’s already posted bail. This is why I only show pics of my wang to my parents. You know they’re not gonna call the cops. Correct me if I’m wrong but aren’t high school freshmen like four-freaking-teen years-old?

I wonder if his defense will be “I meant to show them my six pack, but the camera slipped.” Steffens will be seeing many more back row attacks in prison.

This is the most tragic volleyball story I’ve heard since Gary broke his foot right before the game where Zack could win Mr. Carosi’s car.

Posted in Crime & Punishment, Sicko, Volleyball | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »

Gamecock football player arrested signifies that spring is officially here

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 23, 2009

Toke toke pass

You know it’s been awhile since I’ve had the pleasure of to write anything negative about a Gamecock football player. To be totally honest I was beginning to get worried. I mean spring just isn’t the same around here in Columbia unless you have pollen, thunderstorms in the afternoons and a Gamecock arrest. Luckily for Mother Nature 2 out of 3 ain’t too bad.

Last Tuesday it was announced that defensive tackle Ladi Ajiboye was suspended indefinitely which of course in Steve God Spurrier terms means a couple of practices. It has now been revealed that Ajiboye was arrested in February for being a participant in a drug deal. Somehow the Spurrier regimen somehow kept this hidden from the Gamecock hating liberal media of Columbia. This reason I say that is because all the Gamecock fans complain how only negative things are written about their team.

Within the past two seasons Ajiboye has started in 22 games and is considered a key to the defensive line. Don’t worry Gamecock fans this boy is a producer on the field and you know as well as I do that if the starting QB can key a professor’s car, be arrested multiple times within a year and set of fire extinguishers in the dorms for fun then Ajiboye will be back on the field by next week.

According to the Columbia Po Po, on the February 21st, they witnessed Ajiboye engage in a “hand-to-hand transaction” with another person. Ajiboye at the time was driving Terrence Campbell’s car. Campbell is an offensive lineman for the Gamecocks. Ajiboye just wanted to get his Phelps on!

The Po Po staked out the car and after Campbell like a moron failed to signal for a turn, he was promptly pulled over. There the Po Po found evidence of the sweet sticky icky weed that Ajiboye confessed was his. I will give credit to Ajiboye for manning up there.

“Our narcotic agents witnessed a drug transaction,” sheriff’s department spokesman Chris Cowan said. “They saw him get into the car. They made the stop. He was arrested.”

Campbell, a redshirt junior who started nine games at guard last season, was not charged in the incident.

Never fear Gamecock fans you have Neal “Johnie Cochran Jr.” Lourie. Believe me he could have gotten OJ off the last charges. Then again if Lourie can’t work his magic then there’s always pumping gas.

Posted in Crime & Punishment, Po Po, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Stephen Garcia, Steve Spurrier, USC, bongs, mary jane | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

America’s favorite baby daddy says he was trapped

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 16, 2009


Look, we all know that former University of Tennessee running back, Travis Henry, is one fertile MF’er. After all I did dub him Travis “I got nine, nine MF’ing kids” Henry for a reason.

Henry recently told his story of reproductive woe to the New York Times. The former Bills/Broncos/Titans running back states only one child was planned however after he left Tennessee for the NFL draft he had three kids from three separate mothers.

After Henry was drafted by North America’s South Canada’s team, the Buffalo Bills, he still continued to share his seed of love several times with various fallopian tubes.

Now here’s something that you might or might not know: Children are like little people, they sometimes need medical care, they need clothing, shelter and that pesky thing called food. With Henry’s legal troubles stemming from drug charges, and no longer in the league, Henry claims he is completely broke.

Of course none of this is Henry’s fault whatsoever. He says he was trapped. I believe I heard the same line while watching the movie Juno. Don’t judge me for watching Juno there was no sports on!!

“I did use protection at first. Then they’d be saying they’d be on the pill. I was an idiot to trust them. Second or third time with them, I didn’t use it. Then, boom!”

Translation: “As a professional athlete there is a certain pressure on me to use Magnum XL condoms. I also have a pencil dick. Shit falls off, I’m a daddy. Again.”

Look Henry I’m going to drop some knowledge on you that my grandfather dropped on me:

Fool me once – shame on you. Fool me 8 times – I clearly have the IQ of a box of staples.

Henry may want to look into Vas Madness at The Urology Team in Austin, Texas. Of course back in my day we didn’t have all these fancy birth control methods….like pulling out.

At the present moment Henry is engaged and he says that both he and his fiancée don’t want any children. Which giving his past track record means I expect her to have quintuplets within the next two years.

Stuff like this is exactly why fellow NFL bust Maurice Clarett only has anal sex now. On second thought, that’s for different reasons altogether.

Posted in Buffalo Bills, Crime & Punishment, Denver Broncos, Juno, NFL Football, SEC Football, Tennessee Titans, Tennessee Volunteers, Trojan Magnum condoms, travis henry | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »