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Archive for the ‘Discipline’ Category

Academic Probation, Underage Drinking, Fire Extinguishers & the Amish, Yep Spring Practice has Begun for South Carolina

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 25, 2008

Yes he’s probably drunk & he’s a moron

A hippie, an Amish man & a dope smoker all walk into a bar together. No, this isn’t a joke they are all real people and they all play football for USC.

Stephen Garcia is the “future” of Gamecock football. So far his off the field resume of getting in trouble with the Po Po is rather impressive.

Garcia enrolled early at South Carolina to get a jump start on spring practice but was suspended from the team a year ago after two arrests. In February 2007, he was charged with drunkenness and failure to stop for a police officer. About a month later, he was charged with malicious injury to personal property after he keyed a professor’s car. Then Steve God Spurrier stated that one more slip up and Garcia will be history. At the time Garcia swore to the public that he had “learned” his lesson.

Hey Old Ball (sac) Coach here’s the other slip up and another is being investigated your boy hasn’t learned jackshit.

Last Saturday it seems Garcia, offensive lineman Heath Batchelor and walk-on quarterback Zac Brindise were having a mini-Mensa meeting outside the East Quad dormitory around 6:30 p.m.

After several complaints of loud noise in the courtyard between the East and South Quad dormitories, the Po Po was called. There they discover this meeting of young brilliant minds debating Einstein’s theory of Relativity, the writings of Nietzsche & whether it’s best to change the bong water daily or let it sit awhile. The Po Po also discovered coolers of beer which was supplied to them by Garcia’s older creepy brother.

All three USC football players were charged with underage drinking while Garcia’s brother was charged with transferring beer to a minor. Heath Batchelor parents are rather distraught considering his strict Amish upbringing. At least he looks Amish from the photo.

Let’s get drunk & churn us some Old Ball (sac) Coach butter!

Garcia paid a fine of $257.50 in Columbia magistrate’s court Monday on the underage drinking charge, according to his attorney, Neal “Johnnie Cochran Jr.” Lourie. Garcia’s license will be suspended for four months, but he will be able to drive his moped. At least Garcia didn’t embarrasse himself any further by asking for a jury trial.

But that’s not the end of story dear readers, some five hours later officers interviewed Garcia again after police and the Columbia fire department responded to a fire alarm at the dorm at 11 p.m. Authorities discovered an extinguisher had been discharged on the third floor of the dorm.

Garcia told police he discharged the extinguisher after noticing sparks coming from his electric bong stove, according to the incident report. Garcia is listed as a suspect on the report, but has not been charged. McKinney said the incident remains under investigation.

Under USC athletic department policy, athletes who are arrested face automatic suspensions that can last from 30 minutes or even a whole day. It is unclear whether the same discipline applies to athletes issued citations by police. Of course that doesn’t make a difference because Garcia wasn’t going to be able to practice anyway because he has already missed classes this semester.

Why he would miss classes is beyond me, after all he has been a student at South Carolina for over a year now and yet he’s still a freshman! Plus does this jeopardize his PTI (Pre Trial Intervention) status? The judge did warn him that one more slip up could mean trouble for him.

Instead of being a Cock of balls, Spurrier has elected to leave the fate of Garcia to school officials. Which is strange when he wants or needs something he’s usually the one to tell the school how to do things.

“Stephen Garcia’s fate is in the hands of the University of South Carolina,” Spurrier told reporters Monday night following practice. “He may be out here or he may not, we’ll just have to wait and see.


Asked to clarify, Spurrier said: “They’ve got a president. They’ve got an athletic director. They’ve got a dean. They’ve got a whole bunch of people over there. So if they say he’s here, he’ll be here, OK? His fate is out of my hands. Let’s put it that way.”

Wow, God Spurrier sounds testy. Maybe it’s because his lack of discipline is finally catching up with him or maybe it’s because he knows that a certain Florida coach is rubbing his foreskin vigorously at the thought of being able to pick up Garcia.

A timetable for when the university may make their decision is not yet known so with a little influence from Spurrier, punishment could happen in 2-3 years…depending if Garcia goes pro early.

To view Stephen Garcia’s ticket, click here.

To view Stephen Garcia’s incident report, click here.

To view Gary Garcia’s ticket, click here.

To view Zac Brandise’s ticket, click here.

To view Heath Batchelor’s ticket, click here.


Another unidentified USC football player getting harassed by “the man”.

Posted in Crime & Punishment, Discipline, Johnnie Cochran, PTI, Po Po, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Stephen Garcia, Steve Spurrier, dumbass, moped, moral victories, moron | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

A Win Win for the Cowboys & Raiders

Posted by Joel on March 19, 2008

jerry-jones-704497.jpg al_davis.jpg

Yesterday, the Oakland Raiders acquired CB DeAngelo Hall from the Atlanta Falcons for a 2nd and 6th round pick i this year’s draft. The Raiders then gave Hall a 7 year, $70 million extension. This gives the Raiders an upgrade in the secondary, Hall a much needed break from getting burned twice a year by Panthers WR Steve Smith, and Atlanta 4 picks out of the first 40 selections in this year’s draft. So why could this mean a win win for the Cowboys and Raiders???

Oakland has this year’s #4 pick. Picking ahead of them are Miami, St. Louis, and Atlanta. The Cowboys have two 1st round picks this year, thanks to Cleveland giving them this year’s #1 pick so the Browns could trade for the new rainbow warrior, Brady Quinn.  Jerry Jones has stated that he wants some wow on Dallas’  offense this year. Jerry Jones should be on the phone with Raiders owner Al Davis now and offer both picks to the Raiders for the #4 overall pick. The Cowboys could then be in great position to take Darren McFadden. Jones would be happy to have an exciting fellow Razorback on his team, and the combination of Marion Barber and McFadden in the backfield would give the Cowboys that “wow” that Jones covets, and would instantly generate more of a buzz than the Cowboys already possess.

As for the Raiders, they would have 2 picks in the opening round, and since the picks would be lower than #4, they would not have to pay those selections as much money as if they kept the pick. They could then use those picks as trade bait, or use both to fill in holes on the offensive line, backfield, or linebacker.

Wait a minute, these are the Oakland Raiders we are talking about. Doing things that make sense are not what this franchise are about. Al Davis is as unpredictable as they come. They have a coach that really doesn’t wanna be there and is waiting to be fired, but Davis won’t because he would have to pay him a nice lump sum of money. Lane Kiffin wouldn’t even wear anything with the team logo on it at the Senior Bowl. Davis sues everyone that he can to prove his point. He has sued the league (and won), sued cities, and even sued the Tampa Bay Bucs a few years ago for copyright infringement (which the case was tossed out). Davis is 100 years old and looks every bit like Capt. Jack Sparrow after 90 years of hard sailing on the seven seas. Their fan base of bikers, dope heads, and Darth Vader fans are just as dysfunctional as the franchise is, and no one cares. Any Raider home game could also be substituted for the pep rally in the upcoming film “Doomsday”.

Maybe if Jones threw in a lifetime supply of white and black tracksuits and a rest of his life supply of Denny’s Grand Slam Breakfasts, then Davis would make the deal……………

Stay classy, Raider fan!!!

Posted in Arkansas, Arkansas Razorbacks, Arthur Blank, Asphyxiation, Atlanta Falcons, Bill Callahan, Brady Quinn, College Football, Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment, DUI, Dallas Cowboys, Discipline, ESPN, Evil Empire, Jerry Jones, NFL, NFL Football, alcoholics, armed robbery, ass chewing, bongs, boo birds, cat killer, cheaters, classless, crazy, draft pick, drugs, dumbass | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Happy St. Patrick’s Day Everyone! (Try not to get Arrested Like a Gamecock Walk-On)

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 17, 2008

Look OBC I’m in jail just like a scholarship player!

Over the past weekend there two things were going on here in Columbia; watching the SEC tournament & the annual St. Patty’s Day Celebration that is held in Five Points. Since USC was booted from the tournament most Gamecock football players decided to get their drink at the celebration.

If you read this blog regularly then you know Five Points + Gamecock Football players = paperwork for the Po Po. Ah yeah even the walk-on players for the Gamecocks know how to get themselves arrested. Go Cocks!

Mike Newton, a walk-on defensive back from Lexington, spent a night at the Richland County jail AKA; The USC Po Po Palace because he was charged with disorderly conduct.

The man (Richland County Deputies) responded to a report of a fight in the 2200 block of Blossom Street around 5:45 p.m. However there wasn’t a fight going on instead they found Newton and at least two other men throwing chairs at each other and spectators. The Man claims Newton and his band of drunken men “totally disregarded” deputies’ commands to stop, and used profanity toward the deputies.

Some believe the profanity was used in hopes of receiving a beat down from The Man like Kevin Young claims to have received some two weeks earlier. Since then SLED has opened an investigation into the Young incident and the preliminary findings are “Liar liar football pants on fire.”

Newton, a senior who sat out the 2006 season after transferring from Newberry, played five games on special teams last season. Under USC school policy any football player that is arrested is automatically suspended for at least 30 minutes. Since Newton is a walk-on and not a scholarship player he might be suspended at least one full hour.

Posted in Crime & Punishment, Discipline, Po Po, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Steve Spurrier, dumbass | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

You Call That Discipline? Let the OBC Show You what Discipline is all About.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 3, 2008

Phil Fulmer you call your police ride-a-long program weak discipline? I think not. Nick Saban you call your double secret probation punishment weak discipline? Obviously it isn’t. Urban Meyer you call your idea of suspending players for games against 1-AA schools weak discipline? Try again. Sit down boys and let Steve God Spurrier show you just how weak discipline should be administered.

Last Sunday morning at 1:30 AM offensive lineman Kevin Young was arrested and charged with fighting and resisting arrest in the infamous Five Points area. This was the perfect opportunity for God Spurrier to try out his latest version of SEC discipline that was inspired by Berry Switzer and the movie “Varsity Blues”.

Columbia Police Department spokesman Brick Lewis says Young was charged with fighting and resisting arrest. earlier got information from police that he was charged with disorderly conduct, but police now say that he does not face that charge.

Young was field-booked at the scene and not taken to jail, according to Lewis.

Instead of going through the normal process of the “USC Perp Walk”, this new style of discipline eliminates that and sends the USC football on their merry way home. No time in a cell, no finger printing and best of all unlike the pervious two players that were involved in a fight this one didn’t get stabbed.

The best part of this latest discipline method is the player will likely avoid being punished by the university.

Athletic department spokesman Steve Fink says Young’s status with the team has not been determined. School policy is an automatic suspension for an athlete who has been arrested, but Young was not taken in.

That’s right. Even though he was charged and technically arrested and booked, under this new discipline policy Young was never taken to the Po Po palace known as the Richland County Detention Center. That means Spurrier has found a way to have the school itself look the other way.

So to all you other SEC coaches who believe their discipline method is the weakest think again. The hammer has been thrown by Spurrier. Young will most likely be rewarded, after all Spurrier wishes some more of his players had some fight in them.

Posted in All SEC Teams Beware!!, Discipline, Nick Saban, OBC, Phillip Fulmer, Po Po, Police, SEC Coaches, South Carolina Gamecocks, Steve Spurrier, USC, court tv | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Fulmer Strikes Back!!! Adams is a Bitch Anyway

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 22, 2008

Last Tuesday LSU grad and hack writer, John Adams, published an article The Knoxville News Sentinel‘s Web site calling for the firing of Phil Fulmer based on the off the field problems of the players. Keep in mind when I called for his head it was based on the problems that occurred on the field, like losing big and the apathy displayed by the players when they played.

In his article Adams states the following:

“How could Fulmer not dismiss Colquitt from the team after what could be a fifth alcohol-related offense?” Adams wrote. “Answer: Colquitt is a starter.

“You can’t blame Fulmer for the crimes committed by his players and former players. But he is responsible for disciplining players while they’re on his team,” Adams said. “And he has failed miserably at that.”

This article drew hundreds of responses from readers. I for one do believe that at times Fulmer is weak at discipline but he is not anywhere as weak as this article makes him out to be. My feeling is Mr. Adams is seeing the revolution I’ve started and wants to take credit for it.

Today Fulmer has risen to strike back at Adams and others on the perceived weak discipline that Fulmer is accused of in the article Adams wrote. Today in an article that is published an article The Knoxville News Sentinel‘s Web site Fulmer fights back.

“Our internal discipline is based on one factor alone: the course that is most likely to help that individual young man make amends and get his life straight,” Fulmer wrote in the column that will appear in Friday’s edition.

“I’ve undoubtedly made some mistakes, but I try to do what I think is in the best interest for each young man.”

Fulmer said he will accept any criticism from Adams about the play of the program.

“What I will not accept is Mr. Adams questioning my integrity, my sense of fairness, or values as a man,” Fulmer wrote.

I’m glad to see fight back on this issue. Ghost of Neyland of The Third Saturday in Blogtober published a stirring piece that I fully support. Fulmer should be the sheriff of Knox County. (Sweet Photoshop) This could be the thing that Fulmer could pursue after coaching. First sheriff then congressman last stop…that’s right.

Fulmer for President!!!!! Go Vols!!! The future begins today.

Posted in Big Orange, Discipline, Fulmer, Go Vols, Phillip Fulmer, Rocky Top, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers, fire philip fulmer, fulmer sucks | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

F$U Makes Schedule Adjustments Due to the Self Imposed Super Duper Secret Probation

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 15, 2008

The F$U athletic department still reeling from the recent cheating scandal has decided to place itself on double super duper secret probation for two years.

An estimated 60 athletes will lose suffer some loss of eligibility. Two staffers, a tutor and learning specialist, already had been canned.

Among the corrective actions listed in the report is a requirement for all athletics staff members to attend a four-hour training program titled, “Decision-Making in the NCAA Compliance Environment.” F$U has also taken a page from the Phil Fulmer book as well. Staff members will be required to go on police ride-a-longs, early morning running & trim Bobby Bowden’s nose hairs.

“We believe that our investigation has been thorough and exhaustive,” said Florida State provost Larry Abele, who chaired the investigating committee. “This university and its athletics department have accepted responsibility, made changes in the process and systems and imposed penalties as warranted.”

Of course the school will not immediately able to explain how the probation, effective Wednesday, would affect the teams.

Some of the penalties already have gone into effect. About two dozen of the football team’s top players were suspended for the Music City Bowl on Dec. 31 in Nashville, Tenn., where the Seminoles lost to Kentucky. Many of those players will remain suspended for the first three games of the 2008 season.

Due to the probation and the suspensions F$U has adjusted its 08 football schedule. Instead of opening the season with teams like Miami and Clemson, F$U has decided to play the Ohio State card and open with Division I-AA teams Western Carolina, on Sept. 6, and Chattanooga on Sept. 13.

Western Carolina and Chattanooga both hail from Division I-AA’s Southern Conference — the home of back-to-back national champion Appalachian State, which earned acclaim in the fall for its victory at Michigan.

But the Catamounts and Moccasins, who were a combined 3-21, were by far the worst teams in their league last season.

“We had to give up a Monday night game, which I hated to give up because of the [lost] exposure,” Bowden said this week. “But there’s no way we would be ready to play a ranked team at that time.”

I hate to break it too Bobby but F$U hasn’t been ready to play a ranked team for a number of years now.

Posted in ACC Football, Bobby Bowden, Discipline, FSU, Florida State Seminoles, cheaters | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Fulmer Gives Two the Boot. Only 83 more Players to go.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 13, 2008

Some people (like me for instance) feel that Coach Fulmer has been a little to weak in discipline lately. In fact he’s been so weak in this department as of late he is reminding me of Steve God Spurrier.

Walk-on Vince Faison was arrested on Feb. 2 for DUI. His punishment was suspended two games. Pathetic.

Freshmen wide receivers Gerald Jones and Ahmad Paige were charged with possession of marijuana on Jan. 11 while hosting a recruit on his official visit. Police found marijuana in a vehicle driven Jones. Their punishment is that they’re not be allowed to host a recruit for one year, and all will be subject to more frequent drug testing in addition to performing community service at a drug rehabilitation facility and participating in a police ride-along. “Twirling Finger in the Air Movement”

UT police arrested freshman tailback Daryl Vereen on Jan. 21 for public intoxication. His punishment was community service with a drug rehabilitation facility, participating in police ride-alongs and a semester-long curfew. La De Freaking Da

Knoxville police arrested junior All-SEC offensive lineman Anthony Parker on Jan. 26 for disorderly conduct at an off-campus apartment. His punishment was not limited to, morning runs, curfew, community service and participation in police ride-alongs. My heart bleeds.

Now enter sophomore linebacker Dorian Davis and sophomore safety Antonio Wardlow. I’m not sure what they did but they have been dismissed from the team for an unspecified violation of team rules.

Based on the others and their punishments I’ve mentioned, I’m guessing they committed a double murder with arson to boot. Georgia fans should remember Wardlow he appeared on the cover of Sports Illustrated after blocking a punt and recovering it in the end zone in a victory at Georgia. You know where we hung “half a hundred”.

I know this post isn’t as funny as usual but the photoshop is sweet No it isn’t…ugh.

Posted in Discipline, Go Vols, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers, fire philip fulmer, fulmer sucks | Leave a Comment »

YMSWWC’s “Official” NFL Draft Preview Picks 1-5

Posted by Joel on February 12, 2008

Well I am a little bit depressed because the TV will be polluted with coverage of Roger Clemens v. Brian MacNamee. How many times can one hear a variation of “It Wasn’t Me???” Examples: “I didn’t use steroids. Period.” “I did not have sexual relations with woman, Ms. Lewinsky.” “I didn’t kill my wife and her friend.” “I didn’t try to make it rain in the strip club.” “I am not a crook.” So with that said, let us instead focus on the future, where we can hope that this top rated prospect becomes either the next Dan Fouts or the next Tony Mandarich. This year, I think we might have both. Here are the official (unless Thomas says different) YMSWWC NFL Mock Draft Picks (1-5)

ani_mermaid2.gif Miami Dolphins: These heartbreakers have the distinct pleasure of picking first. Yes the needs are many. There is not a position on the field that they do not need any immediate help. Outside of Jason Taylor, you can pretty much trash the roster. In comes Bill Parcells. He will bring organization to a franchise that still is trying to recover from “Saban Nation”. I have heard that a certain billionaire wildcatter who is an Arkansas alum may be trying to trade up with a certain coach turned GM that used to sign that GM’s checks, and that would make sense. Dolphins could use 2 first round picks, but I don’t see that happening. With that said, they will take long hard look at Glenn Dorsey, Jake Long, and Chris Long. So the pick will be: Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU.

a_sosheep_0205.jpgSt. Louis Rams-Yet another team that went through a hard season. These aren’t your 1999-2002 Rams anymore. They are more like the 1989-1998 Rams. Age, injuries, bad free agent signings have turned these rams into sheep (Quick Longhorn/Aggie joke: How do you know when you are getting close to AggieLand? When you start seeing the sheep back up to the fence). Defense is more of a need than offense at this point. Pick: Chris Long, DE, Virginia.

images.jpeg Atlanta Falcons-Wow. Holy weed smoking, dog fighting, carpet bagging, GM and Coach rejection Batman. What in the world is going on in the ATL??? Well this is actually an easy pick, just because they have one big black hole where the QB spot is (not the black hole that is being pounded in Leavenworth). I think this will be a bad pick, but somebody’s gotta overpay for an All-American QB, so it might as well be Arthur Blank. Pick: Matt Ryan (Leaf), QB, Boston College

soul-hc-c.jpg Kansas City Chiefs-Offensive Line, Offensive Line, Offensive Line. Yes, they need a QB and another WR, but what good is all of that if you have a revolving door for an offensive line??? It’s hard to think that the O-Line was just a few years ago spectacular. Even though I love Ryan Clady from Boise St., that makes too much sense, and the overlord team President known as Carl Petersen doesn’t make decisions that make sense. So: Jake Long, OT, Michigan

chibi-jack-sparrow-by-evilchibiminion.jpg Oakland Raiders-These are some of the most dedicated fans that I have seen, and yet, some of the scariest. I had a couple of friends that went to Whatevertheycallit Coliseum to see Oakland and the Titans play. They figured a nice trip to the Bay Area would be great. Let’s just say that it wasn’t a good trip. One word of advice: If making the trip to see a Raiders game, do NOT wear the other team’s colors unless your name is Kimbo Slice or you love the aroma of beer, weed, and middle aged biker chicks. Of course, this is Uncle Al’s team, and he LOVES offense. Guess who this pick will be??? Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas

Picks 6-10 will be coming soon…

Posted in ACC, ACC Football, Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, Arkansas, Arkansas Razorbacks, Arthur Blank, Atlanta Falcons, BCS, Big 12, Big East, Big Twelve Football, Bobby Petrino, Boise State, College Football, Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment, Dallas Cowboys, Discipline, ESPN, Feds, Football Poll, Georgia, Goodell, Hip Hop, Internet Rumors, Jerry Jones, LSU Tigers, Marijuana, Michael Vick, Michigan, Michigan Wolverines, NCAA, NFL, NFL Football, Nick Saban, OJ, OJ Simpson, Pac 10, Pacman, Pacman Jones, Po Po, Police, Prison for Vick, Ricky Williams, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, SEC Speed, Scams, Sports, The Big East, Vick, Vick Plea, Virginia Cavaliers, aggies, bad calls, bad newz kennels, big 10, big ten, big ten football, bongs, boo birds, boosters, boston college, cheaters, conVick, court tv, crazy, dog fighting, draft pick, drugs, dumbass, fired, football, gambling, ho, killer, legal troubles, mary jane, miami dolphins, michael vick pleads guilty, notre dame sucks, pitbull, pot, satire, scandal, secrets, steroids, stupid | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

West Virginia Is Trying To Imitate An SEC School…HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Posted by Joel on February 7, 2008

Ah yes West By God Virginia. Apparently, if making the news for fake degrees, suing former football coaches, and, well, being West Virginia was not enough, now the football players are trying to imitate an SEC team. Which SEC team??? I will get to that in a minute…

New Mountaineer coach Bill Stewart has recently announced that LB John Holmes (insert porn joke here), DL James Ingram (no relation to soul singer of the same name), and RB Ed Collington (I got nothing here) are no longer on the team. They will be able to retain their scholarships through the end of the spring semester. These 3 geniuses were pulled over for speeding. When the police opened the car, they detected the smell of the “stickiest of the icky” commonly called in Gainesville Gunja-Aid or in Knoxville known as a Recruiting Tool (which obviously didn’t work due to the crappy signing class). Upon searching the vehicle, baggies of the “green stuff” were found both in the car and in Ingram’s shoe. Wait, it gets better: Ingram told the cops that more weed was located in their apartment. Try not to shake your head so hard.

So of course, thanks to a helpful hint from Deputy Barney Fife, the cops search the apartment and found a lot more drugs and bags. Now, because McGruff the Crime ‘Eer told the cops about the extra weed and baggies, they are facing several more felony charges than they would have been if he had just kept his mouth shut. Either he had a moment of clarity because he knew he was doing wrong, or that weed was so good that he just had to tell the cops in hopes they would buy some. Of course, I wonder where that weed will end up once the trial is over with. Someone should have told these 3 that couches are the thing to burn in Morgantown, not blunts…

Now I know which SEC team that WVU reminds me of, and honestly it only took a few seconds of reflection because well, this is West Virginia we are talking about. The school is Thomas’ favorite whipping boy, the University of South Carolina. Let’s examine a little further. Both the Mountaineers and the Gamecocks have losing all-time bowl records, neither school has won a national championship in football but their in-state rivals (Marshall and Clemson) both have national titles, both fanbases have an over inflated sense of entitlement, and both have had players that have done some of the most head scratching things to get in trouble with the cops that you can think of.

So there you have it. The Mountaineers and the Gamecocks are now 2 kindred spirits. West Virginia can say with pride that even though their athletics department is slightly more organized than Iraq circa 2003, they can say with pride that they are almost at an SEC level. Nothing will stop the ‘Eer and ‘Cock Connection from years of mediocrity and no glory to speak of. Long live ‘Eer and ‘Cock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wvu9.jpg 1320566.jpeg

Posted in BCS, Big East, Clemson Tigers, Coach Rich Rodriguez, College Football, Crime & Punishment, Dave Wannstedt, Discipline, Gamecocks, Major Harris, Marijuana, NCAA, Old Ball Sack Coach, Pacman Jones, Po Po, Police, SEC, SEC Football, Scams, South Carolina, South Carolina Gamecocks, USC, WVU, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, ass chewing, bad drivers, bongs, classless, clemson, court tv, drugs, dumbass, guilty, legal troubles, mary jane, moral victories, moron, mullets, pot, road rage, satire, scandal, stupid, team spirit, whiners, white trash | 9 Comments »

Reinstitute Operation: Keep The Tigers Out The Clubs!!!!!!!

Posted by Joel on February 6, 2008

According to reports out of Memphis, University of Memphis forward Robert Dozier has been accused of hitting his ex-girlfriend, LaParis Woods. The incident happened on 2/6/08 at 3:30 am. Apparently, Dozier and Woods were at Plush nightclub (conveniently located on world-famous Beale St) and left the club in the early hours. Woods, according to the report, was followed in her car by Dozier before they both pulled over. After an argument, Dozier allegedly hit Woods twice with an open hand. In the interest of full disclosure, here is a pic of Ms. Woods:


I know the pic is small, but nothing, and I mean nothing, says classy like gold thigh high boots posing in front of an airbrushed pic of a bottle of Moet….

Sound familiar??? This is the second time that the Tigers have found trouble, ironically at the same club. Back in September, sophomore Shawn Taggart and freshman Jeff Robinson were arrested and charged with inciting a riot (yes, you read that right) after senior Joey Dorsey allegedly started trouble. Truly, Dorsey showed “senior leadership”.

After the first incident, coach John Calipari initiated a curfew for Tiger players, encouraging people to take pics with cell phones if any Tiger players were seen out after curfew, especially at night clubs in Memphis. Once the season started, he lifted the ban.

OK, I am calling out all the citizens of Memphis. Nothing good happens after midnight. People get in more trouble after 12 am and if you feed a Mogwai, it turns into a Gremlin (God Phoebe Cates was hot). Get together and keep these guys occupied. Idle time is the devil’s workshop. Do NOT let them into any of the clubs, including Plush, Premiere, Senses, bars such as Wet Willie’s, Pat O’Brien’s, or any titty bars like Platinum Rose, Ebony & Lace, and any other bars that have not been shut down due to the “Public Nuissance” crackdown. Here is a short list of things that you can do if you see ANY members of the basketball team that are not in class, at practice, or study hall:

*Have you been to the Memphis Zoo lately??? They probably haven’t either.

*The Stax Museum is always informational.

*Take a Tiger player and his girlfriend to the Memphis Botanical Gardens.

*The Memphis Symphony Orchestra will be doing its 14th annual “MLK Tribute” featuring the Central High School Chorus (my old high school).

If all else fails, take them to Gus or A&R BBQ, grab an ice cream cone from Dixie Queen, and take them back to the dorm. If the Tigers don’t make it to the NCAA Final Four and win the whole damn thing, don’t blame them if half of the bench is locked up in 201 Poplar. It will be Memphians who are at fault. Just ask yourself the following questions: What time is it??? Why are the Tigers at the club again??? And what can I do to get these guys out of the club and back to the dorm…safely??? If all else fails, if they are at the plush, there is a church right around the corner. Pray that something else doesn’t happen.


Phoebe Cates headshot from the 80′s…

Posted in College Basketball, Conference USA, Crazy Women, Discipline, ESPN, Memphis Tigers, NCAA, boosters, crazy, dumbass | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »