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Archive for the ‘dumbass’ Category

The question is: Did it taste like chicken?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 30, 2009

As I mentioned in an earlier posting, spring is here, the pollen count is up and more South Carolina Gamecocks are being arrested and/or suspended. 

The latest victim…err….perpetrator is fullback Dustyn McElroy. The Po Po says that the 22 year-old was getting his St. Patrick’s drink on at a bar called the Village Idiot in the dreaded Five Points area of Columbia. While there at the Idiot, this moron is involved in an altercation where his Hannibal Lecter shown through and he bit…yes bit another man on the face. 

I have to ask: Did he taste like chicken? I mean really. According to the report, when a man tried to break up the fight, McElroy placed him in a “bear hug” and bit him on the left cheek, causing a “severe facial laceration.” 

Apparently McElroy wasn’t satisfied with the taste of human flesh and then decide to punch & shatter a storefront window of an art gallery that is adjacent to the Village Idiot.

Michael Jeffcoat, McElroy’s attorney, claims McElroy acted in self-defense after seven men jumped him on the sidewalk outside the bar.

“He’d been attacked by seven guys and he just wanted to get away,” Jeffcoat said. “They jumped on him and he didn’t have any choice but to defend himself.”

I have to agree. I know that if I was jumped by numerous people I would have to punch a storefront window. That’s in the Chuck Norris self defense manual. 

This isn’t the first time McElroy has been in trouble with the law, he pleaded guilty in November to a previous charge of assault and battery of a high and aggravated nature, and was sentenced to 18 months probation.

Posted in Crime & Punishment, Fights, Five Points, SEC, South Carolina Gamecocks, Taste like chicken, Village Idiot, dumbass | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Coach K doesn’t approve of Obama’s brackets

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 20, 2009

Even though President Obama has a former Duke player as his personal aide, Coach K is none to happy about his bracket picks.

The president unveiled his bracket this past Wednesday and of course ESPN is making way to much of a big deal about it. As you can see here Obama has Duke losing to Pitt in the East Regional.

Coach K is not happy about this:

“Somebody said that we’re not in President Obama’s Final Four, and as much as I respect what he’s doing, really, the economy is something that he should focus on, probably more than the brackets,” Krzyzewski told a reporter from the Associated Press on Wednesday.

This has prompted the writing of the Coach K Haiku:

Gets every whistle
Complains like a bitch when not
Even to the Prez

In retaliation Obama has selected Dean Smith as his ambassador to Krzyzewskiville

Even though we don’t talk about political issues here at YMSWWC.com, Obama made a statement that I agree with 100%:

“It has nothing to do with McCain – I think Arizona is a great state: I love playing golf there. But hey just squeaked in based on reputation,” Obama said.

Amen to that!

Oh and Coach K I have you losing to Texas and so does the majority of the country so suck it.

Posted in ACC Basketball, Arizona Wildcats, Coach K, Duke Blue Devils, March Madness, Pitt Panters, President Obama, Texas Longhorns, dumbass | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Some rather sad & disturbing news to report

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 11, 2009

Further proof that only douche bags wear shirts with screen printed script on them.

I have some rather disturbing and sad news to report about the dad who hosted an underage party that was complete with cheerleaders and a stripper pole in the basement.

Last Saturday, Steven Russo, went from ignorant dad of the year to douche bag dad of year. As if his earlier actions didn’t concern people about his mental state his decided to implore a greater cry for help by closing his garage off and leaving the car running.

Even more disturbing is the fact he had his four-year old son with him at the time. This of course angers me to no degree. If this country has one true treasure that we need to protect it is its children. Fortunately he was discovered by the four-year olds’ grandfather so he’s okay.

I suppose being labeled as a sick freak was to much pressure for Russo to bare so he chose to attempt to end it all. Why in the world he would make his younger son bare the brunt of his mistake is incomprehensible to me. To confuse matters even worse than they are he sent a text message to the mother of the four-year old blaming her for his idiotic choices.

“Quoted in her statement to police, Jessica Clapso said Russo text-messaged her, saying, “This is on you and good-bye.”

Sending that text message meant he would be caught. He’s a coward who should get his wish- his 4-year-old needs to be safe with the mom, and then he (the father) needs to be lined up against a wall and shot.

I really hope one of the other dads beats the fuck out of this guy. You want to kill yourself, fucking fine. But do not take your kid down with you.

Posted in Cheerleaders, Crime & Punishment, Douche Bag, Stripper Pole, dumbass, stupid, suicide attempt | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Cheerleaders + Stripper Pole = FUN (Unless they’re still in high school)

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 4, 2009

russo

Meet Steven Russo, 36, he is the new “coolest” dad ever. Back in December of 2007 his 17 year-old son attends Freedom High (Bethlehem, Pa.) decided to throw a party and since his dad is so damn cool he agreed to the party but only if cheerleaders come and if these cheerleader party in the basement where like a Rock of Love Fantasy Camp, the alcohol and the stripper pole is being housed. I bet there was a Scarface poster on the wall in that basement.

“The teens allegedly listened to Russo spin tales about his sexual exploits and drank vodka, rum and beer he gave them. They also mingled in the basement while he played music and shouted, “Get on that pole,” according to a criminal complaint filed by Bethlehem Township police at the office of District Judge Joseph Barner.”

How could they hear what Russo was talking about when they had “Pour Some Sugar On Me” blaring in the background? I’m just asking!

Steve Russo keeps getting older, but the cheerleaders stay the same age. Yes I’m telling you this 36-year-old man with a 17-year-old son might have problems with decision-making and maturity. Please don’t remain skeptical.

Of course with a rocking party like this there were photos being taken. Unfortunately for Russo they wound up on Facebook. There was a photo showing two of the cheerleaders kissing Russo on the cheek that began circulating around the school. The cheerleaders being the jealous bitches that cheerleaders can be started arguing about the photo and in what can be construed as a “bitchy act” one the girls showed the photo to a school administrator. Let the real fun begin!

“The girls said Russo did not try anything with them, but encouraged one 16-year-old as she removed her shirt during the Dec. 12 party. One teen mentioned Russo’s house has a room called “the cave” on the second floor where people have sex. One boy claimed he was there that night because another teen planned to have sex and he was “hooking up,” with one of the other girls. The boy said they left after his friend was finished.

A 14-year-old girl said she drank Red Bull and vodka at the party and Russo’s son became sick from excessive consumption. She later sneaked out of the house with a friend because “the rule is that if you drink alcohol there you have to sleep over because (Russo) doesn’t want to get in trouble  …”

Yes the rule is you get wasted and you have to stay the night and ordering underage girls to get on a stripper pole is a convenience? Yes, yes, I know it is, but still…

There is another story about this situation that was written by someone called Precious Petty. No joke here, but that sounds like a really annoying name.

R-Kelly is wondering what the hell happened to his invitation.

I know ignorance of the law is no excuse but come on, how is a guy supposed to know trying to get a cheerleader to take her shirt off and do a pole dance is illegal? Those Quakers run a tough state. *Sarcasm*

I’m betting one day the son will write the following words:

Dear Penthouse,

You will never believe what happened when 20 horny teens came over to my dad’s house…….

Quakers? more like Quake-whores.

Posted in Cheerleaders, Crime & Punishment, Stripper Pole, dumbass, stupid | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Barkley to pitch a tent for Sheriff Joe Arpaio

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 25, 2009

If he continues to cover himself in vaseline, that should go over real well in the joint...

 

You know lately I haven’t written much of squat, I’ll admit that. Due to work and other factors I’m an unhappy non-writing camper at the moment. You know who else is not a happy camper right now? You guessed it, Charles Barkley.

Barkley pled guilty to DUI charges in Scottsdale and was sentenced to 10 days in the can, so that mean he should be eligible for parole around March 26. This means that he will only miss only one TNT doubleheader: Pistons at Bulls and Rockets at Jazz on Tuesday, March 24. Some judge in Arizona got kick back for this favorable scheduling there, I’m sure.

Sir Charles also has to pay more than two grand in fines he also has to install an ignition interlock device on all of the vehicles he owns and complete a court-ordered alcohol treatment program. However this worse end of the deal is the fact that the never shy from controversy Barkley will be wearing pink in the clink because he will be serving his time in Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s infamous Tent City Jail where some of the inmates have to wear pink boxers. If this doesn’t have cheap Fox reality TV show written on it then nothing does!

“I’m taking a lot of heat for putting convicted illegal immigrants in the tents. How am I going to discriminate and not put high-profile people in the tents?” Arpaio asked.”

However Sir Charles will be on a working release so he will actually leave the prison from 8 a.m. and return 8 p.m. that same day because the reality is the prison stint is just one of the qualifiers to being Alabama’s governor. Strangely enough, the ’round mound’ means something completely different in prison showers.

When this is over with I’m sure Barkley will be a better person, let’s just all hope he doesn’t come out and say “That prison rape was turrrurrible.”

For the record I’m sure Barkley saw enough pink underwear from his days of playing with Kevin Johnson.

Posted in Charles Barkley, DUI, Fines, NBA, Sheriff Joe Arpaio, Tent City, dumbass | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

English man receives the ultimate punking

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 18, 2009

I’m about to tell you the tale of the ultimate punking that involves sports fans. It isn’t a tale of a college football rivalry or the Red Sox/Stinking Yankees rivalry. No, this involves English soccer, Facebook and two clever chaps from Liverpool. 

The man in the photo above is named Stuart Slann, a 39-year-old Man United fan.. He decides to go on vacation in Cancun where he encounters two cage fighting Liverpool fans. 

Over the course of the days in Cancun Slann drunkenly annoys the two Liverpool fans while boasting about his precious Manchester United team. I did some research and it turns out the Manchester United has won ten titles since Liverpool last won one. 

As a result of his boasting Slann was unceremoniously thrown in to the pool. As a result of this action this action he also broke his ankle. 

Slann must have really gotten on the nerves of the Liverpool chaps because they were not finished yet, after all a broken ankle will be healed. 

After Slann returned home he met a lovely Scottish lady on Facebook named “Emma” and proceeded to flirt with her online for three months. 

Finally after three months of cyber sex, Slann and Emma were going to meet. Slann drove nine hours from his home in Sheffield to Aberdeen in northern Scotland. While in route to his Scottish tart, Slann receives a text from Emma asking for a photo of himself with a sex toy in his mouth. Of course he complies. 

When Slann arrives at the meeting place he receives another text from Emma stating she has to work late. After three and a half hours of waiting, Slann calls the number which the text was sent from to find our cage fighting Liverpool chaps on the other end of the phone. 

To make matters worse, the Liverpool chaps posted the below video to various outlets, which was found by Slann’s wife, who of course promptly left him. The video has the picture of Slann with the sex toy and the phone conversation on it. 

Slann being a man who is clearly defeated only had this to say: 

“If they had asked to drive to Manchester, Leeds or even Liverpool it wouldn’t have been so bad and maybe I’d have seen the funny side,” Slann said.  ”But to drag me all the way to Aberdeen was just cruel.”


Posted in Facebook, Liverpool, Manchester United, Punk'ed, dumbass, pranks | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

This Gator football player is probably the dumbest of the bunch to date

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 18, 2009

Coming out of high school Carl Johnson was a five star rated recruit who was the No. 6 offensive line prospect in the class of 2005 by Rivals.com, and played a key role in the Gators’ 2008 national championship.. His football career at the University of Florida is the rise. As a sophomore this past season he appeared in all 14 games and started in eight of those games at the left guard position. Now like a lot of past Gators before him Johnson gets to see the inside of a jail cell and this is under rather alarming circumstances.

Somehow the Gator mafia suppressed the fact that Johnson was served a temporary injunction on Feb. 9 for protection against sexual violence from the mainstream media. However since some Gators are plainly stupid, the Gator mafia can not keep the fact that around one week later Johnson has already violated that order got to know a Gainesville jail cell intimately.

On Monday, February 16, Johnson in all his glorious Gator gangsta self knowingly decided to sit across the UF campus bus aisle against the woman (at least I hope it’s a woman) who filed for the protection order. And then to make matters worse he had four chances to exit the bus but didn’t until the woman exited the bus.

Yes Urban you certainly are recruiting and signing the top 1% of 1% in the country. The top 1% of criminals and top 1% of dumb asses or in Johnson’s case both. Next thing you know, Gator players will be shooting AK 47′s and using a dead woman’s credit card. Oh wait that’s already happened. 

Of course while all this was going on, Meyer has been “out of the country”, I’m betting he is in Thailand with Teabag Timmy.

Posted in 1%, Crime & Punishment, Florida Gators, Gator Gangsters, Gator mafia, Tebow, Thailand, dumbass | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Inside the Michael Phelps party

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 9, 2009

One week later and the fallout from Michael Phelps and his bong hit continue to ring out. He has been suspended by USA swimming and he has also lost his Kellogs & Subway sponsorships. Don’t worry Subway fans Jared is still covered. As long as he still has the lucrative Rosetta Stone, he’ll be alright.

Now let’s go inside the infamous party that has seemly taken down the Water World Boy Wonder.

The State newspaper ran a story about the party that supposedly has quotes from the actual attendees and one thing is for sure…Phelps can’t play beer pong worth a shit.

“I saw Phelps pull out a roll, a bank-wrapped $2,000,” said Michael Whitworth, who had been invited to a house near Five Points after his band played a show at 5 Points Pub (now Sudworks Taphouse).

“He said, ‘I’ll match the $2,000,’” Whitworth continued, referring to Phelps. “Good ol’ Phelpsie lost it, too.”

The student that took the photo that ran world-wide of Phelps sucking on a bong, Carson Miller, claims he didn’t sell the photo but he “lost” his phone with the photo on it. RRRiiiiggghhhttttt……

house

Yes this is the house...everyone ooh and ahh....

The party apparently was at a house located at 2201 Blossom St. The house is described as having a wrap around porch that is full of discarded pizza boxes, pictures of nearly nude women taped to the door and two cameras over the porch that send a live stream to a flat-screen television located inside the house.

Sweet!!!

When Whitworth, a guitarist in Atlanta-based band Holiday Parade, arrived at the house shortly after midnight Nov. 4, two men asked him not to take pictures of Phelps.

“They were pretty strict about it at the door,” he said. “They were just asking people to be courteous.”

The front room was clogged with people – and marijuana smoke. A bong was being passed around the room, which held 15 to 20 people, Whitworth said.

“It was the aroma of the evening,” he said. “The scent of it filled the entire house.”

So there you have it. Phelps goes to a college party and does college student things. Let’s shoot him now. All he needs to do is call Amanda Beard his sloppy seconds. The sanctity of the sport of swimming will be irrevocably damaged forever.

Mark Spitz says he could probably smoke an even bigger bong and not get caught…

Posted in Amanda Beard, Marijuana, Michael Phelps, Snitches, dumbass, mary jane | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

I only punched a tow truck don’t taser me bro!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 4, 2009

I always wondered what happened to Kubiac after 'Parker Lewis Can't Lose' went off the air

Just when I thought the stupidest 20-something year old athlete in America was Michael Phelps, along comes a Buckeye with a black eye.

Meet Alex Boone, former offensive lineman for Ohio State. Alex was considered a potential top pick for the NFL draft however resisting arrest, threatening officers, jumping onto the tops of several cars and banging on garage doors and let’s not leave out punching a tow truck, will most likely cause Alex to slip a few spots in the upcoming draft. And yes he was tasered…twice. Not for nothing, that truck had it coming.

Alex was supposed to be in California to focus on training for the NFL draft however he decided to get a wee-bit tipsy and cause a ruckus. Of course when the police arrived Alex was to busy attempting to punch out the windows to a tow truck & banging on garage doors to notice them. When he did finally notice them he decided to flee and hide on someone’s porch.

When the police attempted to complete to booking process Alex was uncooperative and threatening toward deputies that they have not yet been able to complete it so that’s when he was tasered….twice.

“Alex Boone was taken to Saddleback Hospital by sheriff’s deputies for injuries resulting from being shot with a stun gun and being heavily intoxicated, said sheriff’s spokesman Jim Amormino. He was arrested on suspicion of resisting arrest, threatening officers, jumping onto the tops of several cars and banging on garage doors around 11:30 p.m. Sunday at the Barcelona apartments at 23500 Windsong.

When deputies arrived, Amormino said, Boone was trying to punch out the driver’s side window of a tow truck; he then jumped onto the back of the truck. Boone then tried to flee police, Amormino said.”

And now it is time for the Jim Tressel quote from the Columbus Dispatch:

“Alex headed to California to focus solely on his training. It is so disappointing to hear that he had this mishap. His intentions were to prepare for his NFL dream.”

Umm…Jimbo getting so drunk that you punch a tow truck, flee from the police, threaten the police & get tasered not once but twice isn’t a “mishap”. It’s another stupid idiot that should have known better. However public intoxication, stupid stunts and an arrest does make it sound like he has been doing his best to get ready for the NFL. So throwing millions upon millions of dollars at him will probably solve all of this.

Al Davis likes his hustle, and claims to have beaten up a Model T or two back in the day, but he wants to know if the tow truck had a “man-step”.

Posted in Crime & Punishment, Jim Tressel, NFL Draft, big ten football, drunk, dumbass, ohio state buckeyes, tOSU | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Fourteen gold medals, banging a USC coed and smoking pot, just one day in the life of Michael Phelps

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 2, 2009

My question is was he smoking Mellow Gold or Spanish Trampoline?

Usually when I write about the University of South Carolina and smoking pot in involves the school’s football players. I have more than once referred to USC as the University of Smoking Cannabis. This time is different. This time I’m not writing about some Shamecock football player, I’m writing about 14 gold medal Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps.

It seems this past November Phelps was in this fair town of Columbia where he attended a football game and apparently got high Even though I’m opposed to illegal drugs and take pleasure in making fun of those who use them this really isn’t as a big of a deal as the traditional media outlets are making it out to be. If you had gigantism of the ears and neck, you’d smoke too. However sometime ago The US Olympics Committee, who have pledged to clamp down on drug use, did announce some laws that could force Phelps to sit out the 2012 games in London because he took drugs.

News of the World, a British newspaper was the first to break this story.

One party-goer who witnessed the star’s behaviour told the News of the World: “He was out of control from the moment he got there.

“If he continues to party like that I’d be amazed if he ever won any more medals again.”

Phelps’ aides went into a panic over our story and offered us a raft of extraordinary incentives not to run the bong picture.

phelps-usc

Phelps apparently has been banging some USC chick named Jordan Matthews and decided to get wasted every night he was here in town. The source of the story states Phelps was rather obnoxious. With ears like his how can anyone be obnoxious?

“Every girl wanted a piece of him and every guy wanted to be his best buddy. He couldn’t get enough of all the attention.”

Our source said: “You could tell Michael had smoked before. He grabbed the bong and a lighter and knew exactly what to do.

Well it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to smoke dope does it? The source also states Phelps spent a lot of time at Pavlov’s bar. In my humble opinion I think that place is a freaking dump. This isn’t the first time Phelps has been in trouble either. In 2004 he served an 18 month long probation for a DUI.

Since this story has broken Phelps has acknowledge that the photo is real and is sorry.

“I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment,” Phelps said in the statement released by one of his agents. “I’m 23 years old and despite the successes I’ve had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again.”

Now we know how he consumed 12,000 calories a day. He’d eat cream and onion chips, with some dip, man. Some beef jerky, some peanut butter. Some Hagen-Daz ice-cream bars. A whole lotta of chocolate. Gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, pink popcorn. GRAHAM CRACKERS!!! Graham crackers with the marshmallows. Little marshmallows with little chocolate bars and he would make some smores. Celery, grape jelly, Captain Crunch with the little crunch berries, pizzas, two big pizzas, man, everything on ‘em, water, a whole lotta water and…….Funyuns.

It’s always interesting how celebrities show remarkable self-awareness about their mistakes after they get caught … and usually when millions of dollars in endorsements are on the line.

The U.S. Olympic Committee said it was “disappointed in the behavior recently exhibited by Michael Phelps,” who was selected the group’s sportsman of the year. He also was honored as AP male athlete of the year, and his feat in Beijing — breaking Mark Spitz’s 36-year-old record for most gold medals in an Olympics — was chosen as the top story of 2008.

Posted in DUI, Michael Phelps, South Carolina Gamecocks, USC, bongs, drugs, dumbass, mary jane | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »