In case you didn’t know the ESPYs were held last night. The reason you might not know is because it won’t air until Sunday night. That doesn’t make sense since there was NOTHING sports related that was worth watching on last night.
Here’s an interesting rule of thumb: The more money you make the more free crap you get. Of course free crap is what brought the celebrities out to the ESPYs last night. Let’s see what free crap they got.
Undefeated and EA Sports: Free duffel bags ($225 est). Thirty VIPs got a personalized, laser-engraved PlayStation 3 or PSP.
iHome: Free speakers, Keyboards and wireless laser mouse ($179.99), and laptop cooling pads.
Simmons Jewelry: The gold-encrusted necklace shaped like Larry Bird’s dick is my personal favorite.
NameDrop.com: Free Flip cams to anyone who signs up for their new “Facebook for the glitterati.” What he fuck is a glitterati? I’m guessing it means douche bag.
Muze Clothing: T-shirts printed with classic movie lines. Don’t be wearing that Muze Clothing around here, or the Ninjas will get you.
Skullcandy: Fashion headphones. I own a set of Skullcandy headphones I’ll admit the sound quality is awesome.
Wynn: VIP cards for the Vegas casino pool. As they really need those to get in
Marley Coffee: Coffee beans made by the son of a reggae legend. Hopefully for their sake laced.
Axe: Some guy products and body spray. That’s a body spray? I’ve been using it as pesticide. The other great irony of life is the more Body Axe I apply, the more people at work disliked me.
Sentient: Coupons for private jets. That’s just sad but Lenny Dykstra would like to know more
Patron: Got everyone drunk.
Actually, the rest of the stuff they received sounds pretty worthless. It will be cluttering up mansions for years.
What you thought you could kill us off that easily? Truth is I’ve been on vacation but I’m back now and look for me to be writing in full rotation starting next week. However let’s get on with this shocking Erin Andrews news.
This is not a drill; I repeat this is not a drill. When I break this news please do not go running into the streets with blind rage and confusion. Please brace yourselves for the next paragraph.
According to TMZ, ESPN’s sideline princess, Erin Andrews, was struck in the face by a foul ball by New York Mets player Alex Cora.
Andrews — who serves as a sideline reporter for ESPN – was struck in the chin by a foul ball hit by New York Mets player Alex Cora during the 4th inning.
This DOES NOT give anyone the right to kill any Mets fans upon sight unless they were stupid enough to lose gold teeth in a toilet at Citifield or if you want to pretend it was a Yankees player that was the cause of this, then by all means kill away.
I know the shock of this is unsettling. My first thought was: It hit EA’s chin and missed Dana Jacobson’s? No justice!!! But I’m able to control myself.
Erin is OK. I repeat she is OK; she only suffered a bruised chin.
I’ll keep you posted of any updates as soon as they are made available to me.
Number of wins the Mets have in the last week: 1 Number of sideline princesses has been hit with a foul ball at one of their games in the last week: 1 …Christ…
There’s nothing like a good fight of words between two media figures. But what’s even better is when two members of the ESPN family go at each other, and that’s just what happened when Skip Bayless gets bitch slapped on-air by Philadelphia sports radio host Mike Missanelli. Enjoy the bloodletting!!!
While running his mouth about the Dallas/Denver/La La mess on “First Take” Bayless ripped into certain Dallas fans for their “Philly-style rude, crude, dangerous” behavior. Missanelli and Philly homer and radio host on an ESPN radio station in Philly invites Bayless on to his show to “rationally” discuss these comments. By rationally I mean it goes from zero to I’ll slap you in the face with my cock in less than 30-seconds. Here is some of the transcript:
MM: It’s real easy for journalists who live outside Philadelphia to throw these barbs when you really don’t have any information at all:
SB: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second. Did you say I have no information at all?
MM: Yeah, I’m asking you for the information. I’m asking you to produce it. In the last ten years, what have you heard about this rude, crude dangerous behavior in the stands?
SB: ”Well, ok I’m going to have to go back to my 18 years of going to the Vet.”
MM: (Missanelli interrupts) Oh, so let’s go back to the Vet. So we’re never going to live that down in Philadelphia because of nitwits like you who rip us and make it a modern day thing:
SB: ”Ok, if you’re going to insult me I’m going to hang up.”
MM: Do you want to hang up or do you wan t to spar? I’m not like these lightweights you spar with on First Take. Let’s get into a little sparring here if you’ve got information.
It gets much worse from there. Bayless pulls the “Who are you?” card out being his usual pompous ass self that he is and Missanelli counters with the equally wince-worthy “GOOGLE ME!” retort. Listen to it and enjoy a good laugh it’s well worth it.
I hope this ended in Skip Bayless ripping off his shirt like Norton in American history X, only to reveal a dead Philly eagle with Donovan Mcnabb’s head.
How this for a disturbing image? It is Chris Berman yesterday at the Quail Hollow Championship in Charlotte. Holy Mother of God I would hate to be downwind from that.
Things really got out of hand on the next hole when he beat the shit out of Happy Gilmore. How is that poor guy crouched down in the foreground doing? I bet all he smells is ass and cat food. Sad part of this is that he was already wearing Depends.
Radio station Rock 104 live-streamed the Southern Miss Golden Eagles spring game for fans this past Saturday and totally made it interesting by talking about redneck sex, burping and making racist comments. I know what you’re thinking: People care about Southern Miss football? Really? Yes, yes they do, not many but some.
Every Day Should Be Saturday has the audio in which you can hear a strange conversation that includes classic lines such as: ”What’s the weirdest thing you stuck yer dick in?” Oh…these two could go all the way to ESPN radio. I’m betting the phone lines lit up when they asked about banging fat chicks.
Blakeney Communications, the company responsible for the stream, has already issued an apology:
“Blakeney Communications, Inc. apologizes to the University of Southern Mississippi, ISP and Southern Miss Fans for a technical error which inadvertently resulted in a private conversation by Rock 104 employees being sent out over the internet instead of the internet web cast of the Southern Miss Spring Football Game.
The employees were not aware that their conversation was accidentally being picked up by a live microphone and could be heard by Southern Miss fans who were trying to listen to the web cast of the game. The conversation was NOT broadcast on the radio.
The employees deeply regret any offensive remarks which may have been made and wish to apologize to Southern Miss fans. They have been severely reprimanded by Blakeney Communications. The comments made do not represent the views or opinions of Rock 104 or Blakeney Communications, Inc.
Blakeney Communications, Inc. would like for all Southern Miss Fans to know that the error was not the fault of ISP or the University of Southern Mississippi. Blakeney Communications, Inc. takes full responsibility for and deeply regrets the error.
Larry Blakeney, President and CEO
Debbie Blakeney. General Manager”
I love the line in the letter that states it was a “technical error” because technically, you should never put a microphone in front of a redneck and expect any different.
In case you might be wondering, Black defeated Gold 18-15 but seriously what is the weirdest thing you stuck yer dick in?
I have a joke for you. What do you get when 19 Fashion Institute of Technology (in New York City) basketball team cheerleaders try to use one elevator at the same time? Well I honestly don’t know but what the hell does the Fashion Institute of Technology have a basketball team for anyway? Maybe they play ITT, DeVry or the University of Phoenix.
Here is a cliffhanging tale of fear, lust and 19 F.I.T cheerleaders in one elevator gone wrong and how even though they faced fear at 92 feet, the ultimate cheer and the knowledge of using paisleys and pastels saved the day. Oh yeah I guess one could also mention the firefighters as well.
When the F.I.T cheerleaders met an empty elevator last Sunday, the temptation to cram themselves in it was obviously too much to resist. The elevator was on the eighth floor-lounge and they were headed for the gym which is located on the main floor.
Suddenly the God said no in the form of a disaster and Dennis Hopper is really desperate for another movie role, apparently. So here’s a first-hand account from The Love of Sports:
“We get in, the elevator starts to move down slowly and then began to shake. Then it dropped abruptly two to three times. The elevator slowed and then stopped altogether. So, of course, it started in panic, and you can imagine how loud it got with 19 cheerleaders screaming all at once … Once we all decided we were stuck we called F.I.T. security through the elevator phone thing and they said they’d get to us ASAP.”
“Then it started to get REALLY hot … And I know, laugh it up, every guy’s dream come true. Where else would you rather be than stuck in a hot elevator with a bunch of cheerleaders? But I’m sure any straight male that had been in that situation with us would’ve realized pretty fast it wasn’t anything even remotely sexy. So, here we are taking pictures of each other while F.I.T. security is tinkering with the door to try and get us out. We couldn’t be sure what floor we were on, or if we were stuck between floors … 30 minutes later, we hear someone saying, “fire department,” and, of course, we were thrilled!”
“Some of the girls took video as they opened the doors just to try and capture the look on the firefighter’s faces when they saw 19 cheerleaders stuck in between floors one and two. The firefighters were great and got us out as quick as they could, but, of course, cracked a few jokes on us on the way out … It was pretty easy to get out, being cheerleaders, we just lifted people up and out, it was probably the quickest elevator evacuation the firefighters ever had.”
Verily, the Fire Department Gods smiled on the cheer-babes for their professionalism. However after reading the first hand account I have determined that had they all died, the world would have lost about 850 IQ points in total.
One girl called it a cheer-tastrophe, and another girl thought the firefighters did their job cheer-riffically.
Riveting…really….it should be noted that two of the cheerleaders were dudes…which of course means they were most likely in heaven or gay. And since they are going to F.I.T…you can use the term dudes very loosely. This sad thing is this isn’t the first time this as happened before.
I believe there should a national cramming the elevator with cheerleaders competition. After all it wouldn’t be the most retarded thing ESPN as shown on their airwaves.
Sporting a 26-3 record, the Memphis Tigers are poised for a #1 seed. Realistically, this year’s edition of the Tigers is absent of the club hoppers, woman beaters, and scary thugs NBA type talent at every position when compared to last year’s team, but overall, this has been a better team.
Free throw shooting eventually was one of the things that caught up to them last year. Yes, the pain is still there in the hearts of Tiger fans, but this year, the Tigers are shooting almost 70% compared to 61% last year. The 9% difference overallmay not sound like much, but it is the difference between an NCAA Championship Banner hanging in the rafters of plush FedEx Forum instead of drafty and cramped Phog Allen Fieldhouse in Kansas (not that I am biased or still bitter). They are also allowing opponents 7 fewer points this year compared to last.
However, the Tigers still have one problem that reared its ugly head in the losses to Xavier and Syacuse this year, along with the final 3 minutes of last year’s title game: The lack of in-game coaching strategy of John Calipari. Don’t get me wrong, he is an excellent recruiter and can motivate his teams like no other. He is great for a college program. However, as a pure X’s and O’s coach, he has a tendency to get out coached. The talent that he amasses gets him out of a lot of situations. Either way, they should run through the rest of the Tiger High Invitational C-USA Tournament and land a #1 seed.
Then there is this pimp:
Rick Pitino and Louisville, who until ESPN gave them a blow job put a spotlight on them, were quietly sneaking up on the competition, setting up a potential showdown in the Big East Tournament against Pitt or UConn. They are loaded and are clearly the best basketball team in the state of Kentucky. They do need to win the Big East to get a #1 seed, but with this team, it is very possible. Earl Clark should be a lottery pick and, wouldn’t it be sweet if the Tigers and Cardinals played for the national title???
Here in Houston, the sport buzz has been on Tracy McGrady. McGrady has been a polarizing figure here. However, the way that this “surgery” has been handled, most Houston sports fans have been calling him “the worst Rocket ever”. I told the guys at the barber shop this when they first traded for him but I won’t say I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently, word on the street is that microfracture surgery was not necessary, and he shopped around to find a doctor to agree that surgery was the best option. 4 other doctors told him to rehab and play through the pain. Doctor #5 was paid handsomely agreed with T-Mac’s assessment that surgery was required. I can see getting a second opinion, but four??? Wow.
Here are some nicknames for McGrady, some original, some not:
“Malibu” Stacy McGrady
Tin Man (for lack of heart and achy joints)
Penny Hardaway part II (no coincidence they both played for Orlando wearing #1)
The Human Injury Report
I think about Michael Jordan playing in the NBA Finals against the Jazz with the flu, lighting Utah up for 35 points while throwing up in buckets during time outs. I think about Allen Iverson playing through broken fingers, torn elbow ligaments and leading the league in scoring. I remember Jack Youngblood of the Rams playing through the NFL playoffs years ago with a broken leg, and playing quite frankly like it was not broken. But not McGrady, when she gets a hang nail there is no basketball being played. Yes, I am now referring to McGrady as she. Why not??? I don’t fear her. All I have to do is wear a Utah Jazz jersey in front of Stacy and I will always win.
The worst of all of this is She-Mac’s website. First of all, after surgery, McGrady immediately posted that the surgery was a success. So after the pain of getting a drill in the side of her fragile knee, homegirl had time to post about the surgery. Then, all of these nutjob “fans” wishing him luck and best wishes, saying to her that the doubters are just hating. Whatever, I just hope the knee scarring caan be covered up with some boots. You can’t even post a negative comment on the site. They filter it.
Oh well. Since her contract is up next year, and microfracture knee surgery takes at least a year to recover, McGrady probably won’t ever wear a Rocket uniform again. Since the WNBA’s Comets no longer play here in Houston, her playing choices remain very limited. Don’t feel sorry for her, McGrady is owed $44 million for this year and next year. Until then: