Archive for the ‘Florida Gators’ Category
Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 28, 2009
School pride can be a wonderful thing and former Gator Anthone Lott has so much Florida pride that he refuses to commit crimes unless they are against other former Gators.
The state of Florida has filed charges against Lott accusing him of theft, fraud and money laundering, for a crooked construction deal in which Lott took money from a bank construction loan, and then did none of the work he was hired for. Which was probably building a cross for Tebow or something. The contractor at the other end of the loan was fellow former Gator Joseph Weary. Both men are apart of the 1996 championship team. Lott is definitely the 1% of 1% material that Meyer craves.
Lott & Weary were actually in a civil suit over this very situation but settled out of court last year, but the state prosecutors have filed charges so the fat lady hasn’t sung yet. Maybe Steve Spurrier can be called into this case and dispense justice with his “Visor-of-Death.” As long as he doesn’t disrespect the play-calling, I’m sure Lott will be welcome back in the athletic department anytime.
Posted in 1%, Crime & Punishment, Florida Gators, Gator Gangsters, Gator mafia, Steve Spurrier, Urban Meyer | Tagged: 1%, Crime & Punishment, Florida Gators, Gator Gangsters, Gator mafia, Steve Spurrier, Urban Meyer | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 5, 2009
Remember Jamar Hornsby? He was the Florida Gator player who stole the ATM card from a dead student and used it numerous times. Well, now the University of Florida wants to make it easier to steal from dead people by building a graveyard right on the campus.
Must not make burial at sea joke… must not make burial at sea joke…
According to officials at Florida they receive multiple requests from jort wearing fans that want their ashes spread onto the field and/or to be buried on the campus. So in order to this and of course turn a profit they want to charge alumni $3,000 to $5,000 to store their remains there for all eternity or until Tim Tebow ascends to heaven.
Now it’ll be a little easier to approach the Gators in Heaven.
“We feel like it would be meeting a need. I can’t tell you how many people call,” said Katie Marquis, the university’s alumni association director of membership and marketing.”
They want to start out by building something called a columbarium which is a fancy way of saying fireplace mantle but there is a problem the university doesn’t meet the state requirements for starting their own cemetery.
Of course the state legislature who happens to be filled which jort wearing Florida grads is working on a bill that would grant state schools special dispensation, so that they might better address the needs of boosters.
The first two burials will be the careers of Rex Grossman and Danny Wuerffel followed by Joakim Noah.
Of course if the bill fails the fallback plan closely mirrors the end of Temple Of Doom.
A remake of “Left for Dead” starring Tim Tebow, Jokim Noah Steve Spurrier and Erin Andrews is hopefully in the cards.
Posted in Florida Gators, Gator Gangsters, Gator mafia, SEC | Tagged: Florida Gators, Gator Gangsters, Gator mafia, SEC | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 18, 2009
Coming out of high school Carl Johnson was a five star rated recruit who was the No. 6 offensive line prospect in the class of 2005 by Rivals.com, and played a key role in the Gators’ 2008 national championship.. His football career at the University of Florida is the rise. As a sophomore this past season he appeared in all 14 games and started in eight of those games at the left guard position. Now like a lot of past Gators before him Johnson gets to see the inside of a jail cell and this is under rather alarming circumstances.
Somehow the Gator mafia suppressed the fact that Johnson was served a temporary injunction on Feb. 9 for protection against sexual violence from the mainstream media. However since some Gators are plainly stupid, the Gator mafia can not keep the fact that around one week later Johnson has already violated that order got to know a Gainesville jail cell intimately.
On Monday, February 16, Johnson in all his glorious Gator gangsta self knowingly decided to sit across the UF campus bus aisle against the woman (at least I hope it’s a woman) who filed for the protection order. And then to make matters worse he had four chances to exit the bus but didn’t until the woman exited the bus.
Yes Urban you certainly are recruiting and signing the top 1% of 1% in the country. The top 1% of criminals and top 1% of dumb asses or in Johnson’s case both. Next thing you know, Gator players will be shooting AK 47′s and using a dead woman’s credit card. Oh wait that’s already happened.
Of course while all this was going on, Meyer has been “out of the country”, I’m betting he is in Thailand with Teabag Timmy.
Posted in 1%, Crime & Punishment, Florida Gators, Gator Gangsters, Gator mafia, Tebow, Thailand, dumbass | Tagged: Crime & Punishment, dumbass, Florida Gators, Gator Gangsters, Gator mafia, r 1%, Tebow, Thailand | 2 Comments »
Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 17, 2009
Pick a team, bitch.
If there’s one thing in life I hate it would be spoiled whiney children. So basically I hate almost every kid of an athlete and/or coach. This also applies to anyone who feels “privileged” because who their family is.
Dan McCarney is the former failboat head football coach of the Iowa State Cyclones and current defensive line coach the University of Florida.
His firstborn Jillian, 21, seems to be a little aggressive…I say that because she was arrested on Saturday night for assaulting a police officer and keeping a disorderly house.
“Police say Jillian McCarney also told officers her father would fight them and threatened violence against them several times. According to the police report, McCarney asked the officer, “Do you know who my dad is? He is Dan McCarney.” Jillian McCarney told the officer she “guaranteed all her charges will be ‘dropped’ because her name is ‘McCarney’ and they have ‘a lot of money,’” according to police.”
Ha! If it was my child who said that I would contact the arresting officer and beg him to find more charges to level on her ass.
The charge of “Keeping a disorderly house,” in case you didn’t know, is refusing to turn down the music and telling your drunker than hell friends to go home. I suppose it’s better than “keeping a house of ill repute”
One of the great ironies in sports is the fact coaches portray and even embody an almost God-like ability to be the father of their team, but so many of them are total failures as fathers of their biological families who they abandoned long ago in order to pursue their career.
Dumb bitch. They’re campus cops, just show them your tits and shotgun a beer with them and you’ll stay out of the papers.
Posted in Dan McCarney, Florida Gators, Iowa Hawkeyes, Iowa State Cyclones, drunk, spoiled brats | Tagged: Dan McCarney, drunk, Florida Gators, Iowa Hawkeyes, Iowa State Cyclones, spoiled brats | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 18, 2008
This would have been posted earlier but I kinda sorted screwed up and forgot to send Joel the bowl schedule. Yeah, my bad, I’m a dick. Whatever. Anywho let’s go over this year bowl schedule and mine and Joel’s picks and then you call your bookie.
This year there is a smorgasbord of crap-tastic games to choose from! Yay!
When: Dec. 20, 11 a.m., ESPN
Who: Navy vs. Wake Forest
Joel says: Anchors aweigh. I really wish Navy would have beat Notre Dame again this year. Wait, this is a real bowl game???
Thomas says: I pick Navy because I’m sick and damn tired of hearing how the Wake Forest is so good. Blah blah blah. Is this bowl game being funded by any of the bailout money by the way? Read the rest of this entry »
Posted in ACC Football, Air Force, Alabama Crimson Tide, Arizona Wildcats, BCS, BYU, Big East, Big Twelve Football, Bob Stoops, Boise State, Cal, Charlie Weis, Clemson Tigers, Colorado State, Conference USA, Dabo Swinney, ESPN, East Carolina Pirates, FSU, Florida Atlantic, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Fresno State, Georgia Bulldogs, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Hawaii Warriors, Houston Cougars, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, Kentucky Wildcats, LSU Tigers, Lou Lisp, Memphis Tigers, Miami hurricanes, Michigan State Spartons, Mike Gundy, Minnesota Gophers, Missouri Tigers, NC State Wolfpack, Navy, Nebraska Cornhuskers, Nevada, Nick Saban, North Carolina Tarheels, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, Oklahoma State Cowboys, Oklahoma sooners, Ole Miss, Oregon Ducks, Oregon State Beavers, Pac 10 football, Penn State Nittany Lions, Rutgers, SEC, SEC Football, Satan, South Carolina Gamecocks, South Florida Bulls, Steve Spurrier, Texas Christian, Texas Longhorns, Texas Tech Red Raiders, Troy, Univeristy of Troy, University of California berkeley, University of Southern Cal, Urban Meyer, Vanderbilt Commodores, Virginia Tech, Wake Forest, West Virginia Mountaineers, big ten football, boston college, mike leach, notre dame sucks, ohio state buckeyes, southern cal, southern miss, tOSU, vandy | Tagged: ACC Football, Air Force, Alabama Crimson Tide, Arizona Wildcats, BCS, Big East, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, Bob Stoops, Boise State, boston college, BYU, Cal, Charlie Weis, Clemson Tigers, Colorado State, Conference USA, Dabo Swinney, East Carolina Pirates, ESPN, Florida Atlantic, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Fresno State, FSU, Georgia Bulldogs, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Hawaii Warriors, Houston Cougars, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, Kentucky Wildcats, Lou Lisp, LSU Tigers, Memphis Tigers, Miami hurricanes, Michigan State Spartons, Mike Gundy, mike leach, Minnesota Gophers, Missouri Tigers, Navy, NC State Wolfpack, Nebraska Cornhuskers, Nevada, Nick Saban, North Carolina Tarheels, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, ohio state buckeyes, Oklahoma sooners, Oklahoma State Cowboys, Ole Miss, Oregon Ducks, Oregon State Beavers, Pac 10 football, Penn State Nittany Lions, Rutgers, Satan, SEC, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, South Florida Bulls, southern cal, southern miss, Steve Spurrier, Texas Christian, Texas Longhorns, Texas Tech Red Raiders, tOSU, Troy, Univeristy of Troy, University of California berkeley, University of Southern Cal, Urban Meyer, Vanderbilt Commodores, vandy, Virginia Tech, Wake Forest, West Virginia Mountaineers | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 4, 2008
Yes this season looks bleak especially if you’re a sports fan. If you’re like me and is forced…FORCED damn it…to participate in the office “Secret Santa” then get them a crap-tastic sports gift.
What says “You’re a gold digging whore” to that slutty office person who is constantly raving on about how drinks she scored for free over the weekend by offering over hyped cleavage and a lack of substance better than an ESPN Monopoly game?
Is Erin Andrews on the community chest cards?
This ties into the biggest thing that bothers me about ESPN – they in large part dictate the sports narratives of the day. Public opinion regarding an issue, player, or team can literally be shaped by ESPN now. So when the BCS goes to ESPN, not only will ESPN’s tune change on the issue of a college football playoff, but you can bet that public opinion will as well.
Know anyone that ever wanted to smell like JoePa’s adult diapers? Then here’s your chance to make them happy while grossing out their cubical neighbors.
Masik is a company that “specializes” in collegiate fragrances.
They offer colognes in the following schools:
- UNC: When Just Looking Like Stu Scott Ain’t Enough, Bro. WARNING: do not spray directly in eyes.
- Penn State: Musk, passion, wrinkles…Joe Paterno Moth Balls fragrance
And coming soon!
- Florida: When being a douche-bag isn’t enough and you can smell like one.
- Georgia: Boone’s Farm and urinal cakes with subtle notes of denial.
- Alabama: mixture of baby back ribs, dead Behr and bacon is tantalizing to the ladies.
- Tennessee: concoction of whiskey in a jar and Lane Kiffin
- Auburn: heady combination of sinsemilla and ass.
- LSU: A subtle blend of coonass and corndogs.
To bad they don’t make one for Oregon St Beavers the women’s version could embody the true essence…
Of course if you have an asshole boss like me get them a Redsox coffin. The special edition Ted Williams model comes with built-in air conditioning.
Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Auburn, Bear is Dead, Boston Red Sox, Douche Bag, ESPN, Evil Empire, Florida Gators, Georgia Bulldogs, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, LSU Tigers, North Carolina Tarheels, Penn State Nittany Lions, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: Alabama Crimson Tide, Auburn, Bear is Dead, Boston Red Sox, Douche Bag, ESPN, Evil Empire, Florida Gators, Georgia Bulldogs, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, LSU Tigers, North Carolina Tarheels, Penn State Nittany Lions, Tennessee Volunteers | Leave a Comment »