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Broken Plays: Happy 2009 Edition

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 2, 2009

sany0308

Woo hoo 2009 is here and you know what means right? It means you put the past behind you and look to the future.

Welcome to Tennessee Coach 0, I sure have missed you. That’s right folks I’m going to have to get Cajun man out of retirement because Coach 0 has left the Saints while snubbing LSU and joined King Kiffin’s staff at Tennessee. All this of course means I have new ammo to make fun of my favorite team.

Yaw yaw Go Vols yaw.

Welcome back Cajun Man

I’m gonna leave this blog…and when I get back I’m not gonna have a shirt on….and the rest of you (*&%$%*^s better have their shirt off too…and if anyone in this %*&^*^% room thinks they can take me…then BRING IT!!!

wOw…sOrry…I think I just blacked Out…did I just say sOmething?

See? That was easy!

Congrats to Jerod Mayo former Tennessee defensive God and this years NFL Defensive Rookie of the year!!!

The former University of Tennessee standout was a nearly unanimous choice, earning 49 of 50 votes Wednesday from a nationwide panel of sports writers and broadcasters who cover the league.

Sir Charles Barkley’s political aspirations aren’t starting off as well as he would have liked.

As most of you know he was cited for a DUI on New Years Eve but now there are something rather interesting circumstances surrounding this situation.

The Smoking Gun has the full report:

According to the officer who wrote the report, “He told me that he ran the stop sign because he was in a hurry to pick up the girl I saw get in the passenger seat.”

The officer continues: “He asked me to admit that she was ‘hot.’ He asked me, ‘You want the truth?’ When I told him I did he said, ‘I was gonna drive around the corner and get a b**w job. He then explained that she had given him a ‘b**w job’ one week earlier and said it was the best one he had ever had in his life.”

The report says when Barkley was taken to the station, he told one of the employees, “I’ll tattoo my name on your ass” if he helped “get him out of the DUI.” According to the report, “He laughed and then quickly corrected himself and said, ‘I’ll tattoo your name on my ass’ and then laughed again.”

Well that would explain the sweatiness in the mug shot. The old “blow job around the corner” trick, been there tried that. Nice try Sir Charles.

But everyone wants to know it the same “girl” Eddie Murphy picked up a bunch of years ago?

Denver fires Mike Shanahan and yet Norv Turner will most likely remain employed this year. I like Mike Shanahan but I see it was time for him to go after 13 seasons and 2 super bowl victories.

Is it me or does he look like a zombie in the photo below?

Posted in Charles Barkley, DUI, Denver Broncos, Ed Orgeron, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, SEC, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers, coach o | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Broken Plays: Don’t expect too much from us this week

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 22, 2008

With this being the week of Christmas it’s just a fair warning of not to expect too much from us this week.

Joel has a family which comes first and I have to drink a lot of bourbon and play Santa and the mall. (I’m just kidding about the Santa part) HO HO Hell!

Another South Carolina coach says “Screw you guys I’m going to Tennessee!” South Carolina strength coach Mark Smith has accepted an offer to join new Tennessee coach Lane Kiffin’s staff in the same capacity. Smith is considered one the best in the business and here is a collection of before and after pictures of Smith’s work.

Eric Berry can potentially kill someone now; it’s scary to imagine that boy any bigger.

It’s King Kiffin’s Kourt and don’t you forget it! King Kiffin attended the Tennessee basketball game this past Saturday and was asked about upsetting God Spurrier and loser interim Raiders coach Tom Cable with the recent coaching hires.

“I don’t really care,” Kiffin said Saturday. “I got a job to do in our athletic department and that’s to put together the best staff we can put together and the best players we can put together. I’m not really concerned about that stuff.

“If Steve’s concerned about my test, I got 39 out of 40,” Kiffin said, responding to comments made by South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier about whether Kiffin had passed the required NCAA recruiting test before contacting prospects. “I’d like to see what he got.”

Boom….headshot….I love it.

The photo above validates my desire to become a NFL referee. Garth DiFelice lays to wood on Saint Louis Rams Kenneth Darby with Tyson like precision. Who knew DiFelice vs. Darby would have more clean shots than Holyfield vs. Valuev?

Also Oakland showed that they have some life left in them. Not that I care but I wanted to use this picture.

Pacman makes it rain without showing remorse. This chick made it snow and is a crying mess, however she can sweep up the floor. She apparently set off the fire alarm during finals week at Okalahoma but I think she crying over the fear of Bob Stoops losing yet another BCS bowl game.

Don’t forget your dignity while you’re sweeping there, honey. I think I saw it over there by the dust bunnies.

Posted in Fail, Fights, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, King Kiffin, Lane Kiffin, Oakland Raiders, Oklahoma sooners, SEC Coaches, Steve Spurrier, big ten football | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | No Comments »

Joel’s Crappy Weekend

Posted by Joel on December 17, 2008

Saturday

-Kid wakes up at 6:30 am, thus killing any dreams of having a lazy Saturday morning. A feeling suddenly comes over me, telling me that today will not be a good day for the home team.

-I almost lose my little girl at the park around 10:30 am. I now feel like a “Father of the Year” candidate. I took my eye off of her for 5.8 seconds to answer my cell phone & she was gone. Luckily, she walked over to the mounted cop’s horse. Instantly, I was relieved and told her not to give the horse candy. We didn’t want to end up like Kenny from Half Baked.

-Watch the Memphis Tigers give the game away to Georgetown in OT. They need a point guard in the worst way.

-Kentucky beat Indiana, thus killing my sweet Billy Clyde/Hoosiers I had thought about. Bastards.

-Got into it with the better half. Guys, always remember that women, although beautiful creatures, are mean and vicious when they choose to be. After arguing, it was couch duty for me. Life sucks.

-I found out Candace Parker married that monkey looking Duke boy, thus killing my dream of me and Candace…wait,I am already doing couch duty. Let me shut up.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Auburn, Billy Clyde, Billy Gillispie, Candace Parker, Dallas Cowboys, Duke, Georgetown Hoyas, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Houston Texans, Kentucky Wildcats, Lady Vols, Love Sucks, Memphis Tigers, New York Giants, Sports, Tennessee Titans, Terrell Owens, War Eagle, houston | No Comments »

Du(n)ce Staley shows ignorance while lambasting David Reaves

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 10, 2008

Du(n)ce Staley, I’m sure you have heard the name before. He is a former Gamecock and a failure of the NFL. Hey when you’re a third string back and the team you are playing for promotes some mope from the practice squad to starter when the first two backs are injured, you’re a failure. He now is a radio host of a local radio call-in show called  The Halftime Show, here in Columbia, SC.

The reason I’m bashing Du(n)ce is because of his non-stop whining about the newly hired recruiting coordinator David Reaves. For those that don’t know Reeves is Kiffin’s brother-in-law so when Kiffin was hired as head football coach at Tennessee he naturally offered Reaves a job. Before Reaves was hired at Tennessee he was the recruiting coordinator for the USC Gamecocks. Are we clear on that? Good.

Since that hiring has occurred there has been a lot of bashing by people like Du(n)ce and of course Gamecock fans.

Du(n)ce went on a seven minute tirade about Reaves’ leaving and accused Reaves of illegal recruiting and “turning his back on Steve Spurrier who treated him like a son” and so forth. Of course all the things Du(n)ce repeated were here-say taken from blogs with no actual proof. Du(n)ce then demanded that the shows producer Michael Haney call Reaves to get him on the phone live and on air so he can answer for these misgivings.

Michael Haney is the one in long sleeves, Jay Philips is the one that resembles a gay Mr. Spock and of course Du(n)ce is in the middle.

Well surprisingly Reaves did chat with Du(n)ce, live and on air and you can listen to phone conversation right here. In fact I implore you to listen to it before you continue reading.

Now going back to that conversation Reaves answers all of Du(n)ce’s questions with logical answers. Of course since Du(n)ce is so the man he claims to be I want to know why his comments after the phone call with Reaves aren’t available.

Du(n)ce claimed that Reaves was lying of course that doesn’t get published on the site so Reaves will not know. Du(n)ce also back traced when some Gamecock fans called in and told Du(n)ce to let it go and get over it. Du(n)ce then claimed he wasn’t questioning the recruiting tactics but instead he was upset that Reaves (supposedly) burned bridges with the coach. Of course that does not get on that joke of website either.

Du(n)ce, Reaves told you he had spoken to Spurrier about this why don’t you confirm this before shooting off your trap? Oh I know why, it’s because you don’t have the access to the Old Ball (Sac) Coach that you claim to right?

Here’s a better idea Du(n)ce why not let Spurrier handle his own business instead of making an ass out yourself on a regular basis?

One thing when dealing with Du(n)ce if you don’t agree with him or his stance 100% he always says things like “Did you play in the NFL?” or in this case he told a Gamecock fan “Have you ever been a part of the recruiting process, because I have so don’t tell me about it.” Nice listener relation skills Du(n)ce. If you ever wonder why you’re not on some national radio show or TV analysis, try listening to yourself and the asinine comments you make.

And yes I’m e-mailing a copy of this to Du(n)ce it won’t be the first or last time we have butted heads in the past.

Posted in David Reeves, Duce Staley, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Lane Kiffin, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Steve Spurrier, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments »

You ain’t getting rid of Fulmer that easily

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 9, 2008

Pic used courtesy of Losers With Socks

Pic used courtesy of Losers With Socks

So you think can force Fulmer into “resigning” and that will be that, but I’m here to tell you that it’s not as easy as you think. The former head coach and once great field general is back at UT as “special assistant to the president.”

He will be serving a three month stint for a penitence of $12,500 a month and he will continue to receive full-time employee benefits.

In all honesty I believe this is a good thing as long he doesn’t look over King Kiffin’s shoulder during this time. He will be a wonderful spokesperson for the university and do a great job. Plus this gives me a chance to use some farks that I never found the time to use before.

“Phillip Fulmer is a UT icon and a wonderful ambassador,” said university president John Petersen in a UT release. “Over his long career with the university he has developed a vast network of contacts, made invaluable relationships with alumni and UT supporters, and done extensive work with development. I look forward to having him assist with further developing and enhancing strategic relationships for the University,”

Can we say help with recruiting? I thought so! Fulmer’s stint in this new position is scheduled to end on February 28, which of course is after national signing day.

“”I am not yet certain what the future holds for my career, but I’ll always support my alma mater, and I appreciate the opportunity to help the University out now,” Fulmer said, in the release.”

The position was outlined in an offer letter accepted by Fulmer and it might include things such as donkey punching the AD Mike Hamilton and ogling King Kiffin’s wife, Layla, the lucky bastard.

I just wonder if this new position has a buy out….

Posted in Go Big Orange, Go Vols, King Kiffin, Layla Kiffin, Mike Hamilton, Phillip Fulmer, Rocky Top, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Yes, Tennessee will sacrifice for King Kiffin

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 5, 2008

Yes times are tight, that’s more than apparent. However Tennessee has such a belief in King Kiffin that the student and employees are willing to sacrifice their comfort for him. After all that 2 million dollar a year salary has to come from somewhere.

When Al Davis opens the Ninth Gate of Hell and sends his unholy minions to destroy Lane Kiffin once and for all next fall, their flaming swords and shields should heat up Knoxville considerably.

Posted in Al Davis, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, King Kiffin, Lane Kiffin, Layla Kiffin, SEC Coaches, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Sorry King Kiffin, but the queen is more popular than you

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 4, 2008

It was bound to happen and it has happened. There is now a website solely dedicated to beauty of King Kiffin’s smoking-ass hot wife Layla. It’s called I Would do Layla Kiffin.com.

Now before you judgmental people automatically assume it was me, I’ll have you know that I have nothing to do with this, so quit staring at me. I said quit freaking staring at me damn it! I will have you on your knees praying to little baby Jesus faster than Charlie Weis can clean out an all you can eat buffet.

There, that’s better. Besides if I started this site I would take full credit.

Last Monday, the day King Kiffin© was announced as the new Tennessee head football coach, people flooded the Internet. Not for news on the King, no for pics of Layla. In fact she was the third most searched term on Google Trends.

According to the creators of this site Layla should be an assistant coach.

“They say behind every great man there is a great looking woman! Well it might not go exactly like that but it should! Our new YOUNG coach Lane Kiffin is toating a super hot M.I.L.F.. I’m hoping she’s involved in the game plan somehow.

Welcome to Knoxville and PLEASE come around quite often! At least a loss won’t be quite as bad next year. Come here and get lost in those georgious blue eyes!”

Hopefully someone has notified the webmaster that they misspelled “gorgeous.”

I will however concede to the fact that having her in the game plan couldn’t be any worse than having Dave Clawson or Randy Sanders involved.

Anyone ever notice how Lane’s got that knowing “Yes, boys. I’m banging that.” look on his face? I for one can’t wait for the Erin Andrews/Layla Kiffin interview/pretty-off/imaginary jello wrestling.

Posted in Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Lane Kiffin, Layla Kiffin, Rocky Top, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Ushering in the Era of King Kiffin…Spurrier is already scared & whining

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 2, 2008

Well it official. Yesterday marks the day the Lane Kiffin era began. He will earn will earn $2 million in 2009 and the contract will escalate to $2.75 million by its end in 2014.

There has been a lot of speculation as to who the coaches are that he is bringing in. I’ve heard everyone from his father the defensive guru Monty Kiffin to Coach 0. (Which would be sweet as hell because that gives me ammunition to make fun of this staff)

“I’m rolling my sleeves up and going to work,” said Kiffin, after being introduced. “I can promise you that no one is going to outwork me and no one is going to outwork my staff. It starts today.”

Everyone knows of his resume so there isn’t really any reason for me to re-type it. The page has been turned; let’s see what this young man can do for UT. Plus his wife is SMOKING HOT…my my my….

This is just my opinion but I feel this is a good hire for Tennessee. King Kiffin TM has a tremendous football heritage and brings a large brain trust to the table with incredible recruiting possibilities. He is somewhat of a risk because of his limited track record but we have to have some faith in Mike Hamilton. After all he did hire Bruce Pearl! He is bringing assistants to the table also who will energize the program the way it should be.

Kiffin gave an A+ press conference and has the quote of the day:

“It’s going to be fun hearing ‘Rocky Top’ after we beat Florida next year”

Of course this has the ole ball (sac) coach Steve God Spurrier worried. Seems the coach that was just humiliated by Clemson’s interim coach, Dabo Swinney (who was offered the job on a full-time bases yesterday), is already complaining about King Kiffin TM.

It seems Head Cock in Charge Spurrier is all upset because Kiffin called a recruit on Sunday before he was announced as the head coach yesterday.

“You’re supposed to have passed the NCAA test and be on board, I think. But maybe he was just calling him as an interested observer,” Spurrier said today, laughing. “I don’t know. But technically to be able to recruit you’re supposed to pass the NCAA test.

I know when I was hired, after the press conference I took the test to qualify you to be a recruiter. I hadn’t taken it in three or four years. At that time I could start making calls. I don’t know if he was permitted to make that call or not. You’ll have to ask somebody else.”

Guess what Spurrier Kiffin signed the contract on Saturday and per King KiffinTM:

“As far as recruiting, we’ve hit the ground running. I took the test a few days before I got hired here so that we could do that. Yesterday was the first day we could start calling guys, and we started knocking them out everywhere. This is very important for where we are right now. It was important to have a meeting with the team last night and touch those guys first so that they knew about this officially before you guys did. After that, it was right to recruiting.”

  • Signed contract on Saturday √
  • Took the test before calling Giles √
  • Put fear in Spurrier and made him start whining √

Sounds like sour grapes to me…considering Spurrier was named the most whiniest coach in all of college football I’m far from surprised.

Click to enlarge it's worth it

Did I mention that Kiffin’s spouse is smoking hot?

GO VOLS!!!!

Posted in Dabo Swinney, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, King Kiffin, Lane Kiffin, Rocky Top, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Steve Spurrier, Tennessee Volunteers, whiners | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

The Tennessee/Kentucky Grade Book: Fulmer Goes Out a Winner

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 1, 2008

fulmer-shoulders

Well the close of the season has happened and while I’m happy about it, I’m also a little sad to see Fulmer go. I can honestly say that it has been awhile since I was as proud of a Tennessee football team as I was during the second half of the past game.

It was an appropriate sendoff for a coach who has won almost 75 percent of his games in 17 years and never lost to Kentucky.

Nobody is surprised that the 6th ranked defense of the VOLS shut down the Wildcats however who were those guys wearing the offensive players uniforms? And where have they been all season?

While everyone is giddy about King Kiffin TM being named being introduced as Tennessee’s new coach today at 2:00 PM, let’s reflect on this past Saturday’s game.

Quarterbacks B-

By far perhaps the highest grade Crompton will ever earn and the highest grade he has earned to date. Did everyone forget he was a decent deep ball passer? God knows I certainly forgot. Crompton avoided stupid plays and turnovers. Maybe it’s the beard, who knows. Gerald Jones owned KY with the G-Gun. They knew it was coming and yet couldn’t stop it.

Running Backs A-

Call it auditioning for the NFL or pride, but Foster looked great yesterday while pounding the rock and making great blocks. Creer as always was impressive.

Receivers D

Easily the biggest hiccup in the game however Moore showed how quickly the offense was capable of scoring with a 63-yard TD reception. Rogers had an obvious and costly offensive pass interference penalty.

Offensive Line B+

The line gave up pass protection in the early stages of the game, but they came together to provide an excellent push for the run game.

Defensive Line A

At the beginning of the game it seemed KenSucky was going to be able to run the ball on this line, but that didn’t last long. Ayers and Fisher both had key tackles for losses.

Linebackers A+

Can anyone stop Nevin McKenzie or Rico McCoy? McKenzie had two tackles for losses and McCoy registered eight tackles, but it was Ellix Wilson who led the way with nine total tackles.

Secondary A+

Eric Berry had five tackles, two of those were for loses. The secondary coverage was stifling.

Special Teams C+

Lincoln Logs continues to suck by missing field goals however outside of that there were no mistakes.

Coaching A

Easily the best grade the staff has earned this season.

Overall WMYP

We’ll miss you Phil. The team showed character. Just like their coach has always showed and had. Being carried off the field may not mean as much as a crystal football to you but you deserved both and better. Wish you and your family the best. You will be missed. Go Vols!!!!

Posted in Fulmer, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Kentucky Wildcats, Phillip Fulmer, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , | No Comments »

College Football Week 14 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 30, 2008

Yes folks I decided to take some time away from writing and enjoy the Thanksgiving weekend, I hope you had a pleasant and happy Thanksgiving.

I dub yesterday as disappointment day with the exception of Tennessee. I don’t mean to gloat, well…actually I do but this is the worst team that Tennessee has even placed on the field and yet Kentucky still couldn’t beat them. The streak lives on because Tennessee is Tennessee and Kentucky is Kentucky.

I’ll have a full write up on that game tomorrow.

Notre Dame put up a fight against USC at least until kickoff occurred. The Irish kept interrupting the Trojans’ pregame warmups which resulted in punches thrown and the Po Po intervening. Of course in the end Southern Cal proved what everyone knows and that is Notre Dame is a horrid team. Next stop on the Brian Kelly rumor-mill…why I’m betting Notre Dame.

Georgia seriously screws my picks up and loses to Georgia Tech.

Same old South Carolina, they still can’t beat their arch rivals the Clemson Tigers even though Clemson has an interim head coach. Hopefully this win will lead to Clemson offering the job to Dabo Swinney.

The Ole Ball (Sac) Coach is plenty mad after this embarrassment which lead Spurrier to degrade his players even further publicly. Honestly I’m wondering if he has lost this team. The reason I say that is because at the end of the game South Carolina tried to start a fight instead of shaking hands…classless.

Florida did what everyone thought they would do and beat up Florida State.

With Boston College and Virginia Tech both winning yesterday it looks like a rematch is set for the ACC title game. The same game that didn’t sell 50% of the tickets last year. Joy…

Alabama ends the Auburn winning streak they had against Bama…rather soundly at that. Time will tell if Auburn is foolish enough to fire Coach Turbeville.

No Rose bowl for you Oregon State, unless by some miracle UCLA can upset Southern Cal. Oregon State got hammered by the ugly uniform wearing Ducks of Oregon.

Oklahoma and Oklahoma State was a closer game than what the score indicates and it was a great game. Hats off to both teams.

Posted in ACC Football, Auburn, Big Twelve Football, Brian Kelly, Clemson Tigers, Dabo Swinney, Fights, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Fulmer, Georgia Bulldogs, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Hokies, Kentucky Wildcats, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, Oklahoma State Cowboys, Oklahoma sooners, Old Ball Sack Coach, Oregon Ducks, Oregon State Beavers, Phillip Fulmer, Rocky Top, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Tennessee Volunteers, Tommy Tuberville, USC, Virginia Tech, boston college, classless, notre dame sucks, southern cal | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

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