Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for the ‘Major League Baseball’ Category

Don’t write on my Citi wall!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 21, 2009

I guess people get so caught up with the Yankees having a new stadium that we seem to forget that the Mets have a new stadium as well and it’s called Citi Field. The Mets are such a quaint failboat of a team. Did you know that your best friend’s mom runs Citi Field? It’s true. Ask former Mets star and CY Young winner/coke head Doc Gooden. 

An employee at one of the restaurants in the new Citi Field asked Gooden to sign his name on a blank spot of one the walls last week. Well the Citi Field mom was not pleased and thought about taking TV privileges away from Gooden but instead just informed him that his signature will be erased. Doc wasn’t at all happy. Mike Piazza got in trouble at Shea for doing a similar thing to the inside of a bathroom stall but they didn’t bother mentioning anything about him cutting out a “glory hole”, that was cool with them. 

“One of the guys that worked there asked me to sign one of the walls, so I did it. It wasn’t like I was walking around with a sharpie in my pocket,” Gooden told the Daily News on Monday. “They asked me to sign the wall as a favor, as something for the fans to see. I was in there watching batting practice and they had fans taking pictures with me by my signature and I thought it was a fun idea.” 

Said the Mets: 

“It’s a brand new building, whether it’s Doc or any other player, it wasn’t meant to write all over the walls,” public relations director Jay Horwitz said. “We are going to do things to celebrate our history, but this wasn’t the right way to get that started. If we allow this precedent, people will be writing all over the stadium.” 

And please try to pee in the toilet. This isn’t Shea Stadium you know! 

The place is already vandalized with its name. I hardly think Doc Gooden signing the wall of a restaurant is a big deal in that context. I think someone needs to tell Horwitz that he is in New York city where graffiti will overrun the new Citi Field in about three months regardless of what they do. 


It seems that Horwitz and other Mets officials have seen the light and will allow Gooden’s signature to stay where it is after a backlash of fans. Plus an unshaven, malnourished Daryl Strawberry was seen writing on the outside wall of Citi Field. 

Monday night, however, PR honcho Jay Horwitz said the wall will be removed from the club, preserved behind Plexiglass and moved to an undisclosed area at Citi Field that is more accessible to all fans. He added that the Mets plan to procure similar autographs from other popular ex-Mets such as Tom Seaver, Darryl Strawberry, Mike Piazza and Mookie Wilson and display them around the concourse.

“We’ve listened to our fans on this,” Horwitz said. “The last thing we want is for them or Doc to be upset. We just didn’t want everyone to think it was OK to start writing on walls all over the stadium.”

Hooray! Now Doc can go back to fighting the police and doing cocaine.

Posted in Citi Field, Doc Gooden, MLB, Major League Baseball, New York Mets | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

A picture perfect example of why…

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 13, 2009

The above photo best illustrates why this update wasn’t done until now. It’s called a sinus infection…lovely. At this moment I bet a can blast mucus with an alarming preciseness like that of Berry Zito. Of course I can also hit one of his fastballs and so can any one armed woman you meet and any child above the age of five. That ‘sneeze’ cost the Giants a million dollars.

Hopefully a proper update will be made tomorrow. Have a good evening.

Posted in Berry Zito, Major League Baseball, San Francisco Giants | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

Random Musings: Baseball Edition

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 9, 2009

Go Red Sox!

Go Red Sox!

Yes…baseball has officially begun, and what a great start to the season with Boston winning their first game and Yankees losing theirs. 

Here a brief collection of not so famous baseball stories that have occurred lately. 

Whoever handles the marketing responsibilities for Giants Apparently does not think things through and they should leave all ball related play on words to someone who is a trained professional. 

Their new slogan “Let’s Play with Balls of Fire” is also the pickup line that Jerry Lee Lewis used on his 13-year-old cousin. They’re already in San Francisco, so there’s no need to attract the gay demographic. It’s there for the taking. 

The E! True Hollywood Story: Beetlejuice

Remember when Joba Chamberlain spent a night in mid-October drinking at a strip club and was stopped by Lincoln police? Well good news everyone the video of his arrest is now available

This video footage of the Yankee right-hander’s arrest in Nebraska shows a drunken and Chamberlain stumbling to his left after the state trooper removes an open bottle of alcohol from his car. 

The video also catches Joba, who at the time was newly acquired by the Yankees, bashing New Yorkers and leveling Yankee great, Yogi Berra, with a cheap shot. (Hahahaha) 

“No bullshit, he might not be as tall as the front of your car,” Chamberlain told the Nebraska state trooper who found an open bottle of Crown Royal sitting inside the hurler’s BMW.” 

Forget about failing a sobriety test; he failed a fashion test. He’s dressed like a mime. 

Don’t ever, under any circumstances, talk bad about Hillsdale College (Mich.) baseball team’s lousy record. That’s what one editor of the school news paper did only to have his home besieged with dead animals. Including a goat that shot gunned. Who shotguns a goat? You slit its throat voodoo fashion. 

Beneath the carcasses a copy of a recent Hillsdale Collegian editorial was found. The editorial called out the baseball team for its 8-14 record (1-9 in the Great Lakes Intercollegiate Athletic Conference). 

Here’s an excerpt from the editorial

“In the recent past Hillsdale managed to can its women’s cheer team, the soccer team, men’s swimming and men’s golf. God knows what they did wrong. Even more disturbing, the rugby team (4-3) struggles to become a recognized club (despite field success) as the dean of men pushes to bring a Nerf-war club into fruition. What? 

Maybe you’re next? 

Oh, and lose the swagger. 

Most of you walk around campus with this chip-on-my-shoulder, badass tempo. How is this possible? It’s not enough for you to simply lumber around like the other disappointing athletes? Lose the stride boys.” 

Harsh words indeed however when someone uses harsh word like this it helps to stand by them. Of course after someone’s house was pelted by dead animals the newspaper was quick to apologize

“This past week’s staff editorial about the baseball team was a mistake, and we can’t stand by that expressed opinion. Maybe the right sentiment was there in the beginning, but what we published was poorly written, reported and edited. We now realize there are conditions the baseball team faces, for example a financial disadvantage other teams may not worry about. We kicked a guy when he was down; published an opinion rooted in gossip rather than reported fact. 

Especially, we never should have attacked the character of the baseball team or the coaching staff. We understand you do your best to represent the college well. You are supported by the editorial board as one of our Charger teams and we hope you snag a win this weekend.” 

Way to stick by your guns guys. As for the team itself, lighten up on the carcasses.

Posted in Boston Red Sox, DUI, Hillsdale College, Joba Chamberlain, MLB, Major League Baseball, NCAA Baseball, San Francisco Giants, new york yankees, yankees suck | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

This has to be the world’s worst opening day ceremonial first pitches ever

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 8, 2009

Pitch, you stupid Dinosaur, Pitch!! I bet that dinosaur’s tiny little arms once pummeled Robin Ventura.

Posted in Chicago White Sox, MLB, Major League Baseball | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

Ozzie Guillen tells the world that he’s back with a vengeance

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 2, 2009

White Sox manager, Ozzie Guillen, is reminding everyone that baseball season is right around the corner while greeting his mother in the crowd.

Oh Ozzie how we’ve missed you and your profanity laced press conferences. Just beat the Cubs that all anyone of us here ask.

Posted in Chicago White Sox, MLB, Major League Baseball, Ozzie Guillen | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Wife of Pirates prospect accused of robbing the cradle

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 26, 2009

As most of you know by now I’m a diehard Boston Red Sox fan what some might not know is that my favorite NL team is the Pittsburgh Pirates. Yeah yeah I know it’s not a real franchise anymore.

If one believes that any press is good press including negative press, then boy the Pirates are in luck! It seems the wife of one of their top minor league prospects is being questioned in the apparent kidnapping of a baby from a Plant City, Fla. health clinic.

Thankfully the two month-old was returned unharmed one day after allegedly being taken from its parents by Amalia Tabata Pereira, 43, who happens to be the wife of Pirates’ minor league outfielder Jose Tabata, 20. Wow a umm 23 year difference in age…alrighty then.

Fortunately for Jose, all the 43 year-olds in Altoona (where he played last season) are either grandmothers or, more likely, great-grandmothers. He was hoping he could make the majors and get a wife upgrade before the old model did something crazy.

Officials claim that Pereira posed as a health care worker, telling the mother, Rosa Sirilo-Francisco, that she was about to be deported and that she could help with the infant. There is no indication that Tabata himself was involved. From ESPN:

“Jose Tabata addressed the matter in a statement released by the team. “I was shocked to be told today that my wife has been arrested for kidnapping. I am hurt, frustrated, and confused by her actions,” Tabata said. “I have and will continue to cooperate with law enforcement officials in anyway that I can. Until I have all of the facts, I cannot comment any further.”

I wonder if the alleged exchange between Amalia and the victim’s mom went like this:

“Hey, I’m about to be deported, can I have your baby for a second?”
“Well, I don’t see why not!”

Jose has as many stolen bases this spring as his wife has stolen babies. Typical Pirates baseball…

Posted in Kidnapping, MLB, Major League Baseball, Minor League Baseball, Pittsburgh Pirates | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

According to famous hooker, her & A-Rod dated…I’m sure Madonna approves

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 24, 2009

According to the New York Daily News not only did professional skank, Kristin Davis, provide A-Fraud with professional intercourse technicians (that’s what they call whores in Canada) but she also dated him.

What ever happened to discretion? I blame the internet.

This story is so full of quotes I’m sure where to begin. Former employees of Davis told the Daily News that she was overwhelmed by A-Fraud and she commented to hooker’s cardinal sin of actually falling for a john, and dated him herself…at no charge! That sinner!!!

Davis’ action were of course before the current economic climate that has forced all of us to actually quit using hookers so there is a chance that she might charge him today. However I bet it would be at a 50% discount.

Apparently the two met in June of ’06 at a Philadelphia gym. A-Fraud being the still married family man that he was asked her out. Davis claims she said no but instead gave him the phone number for her agency’s recently-opened Philly branch. A-Fraud took her up on this offer and that was just the beginning chase for the slut in lace.

To the email exchange:

“Rodriguez purportedly told Davis on Nov. 17, 2006: “Thanks for setting me up with Samantha. She was gorgeous. But she is not you. When can I see you are gorgeous . . .”

Davis: “Hi Alex. You don’t want to see me. I’m no fun. lol. Just because your (sic) so sweet, here are some pics of me and I appreciate the compliments. Your (sic) a doll. Thanks, Kristin”

Rodriguez: “You have been playing hard to get for a year now, your (sic) killing me.”

Davis: “It’s not playing I am hard to get. Maybe you should try harder.”

Rodriguez: “Kristin, I definitely will and I love the pics. I put the one on my cell so I can look at you all the time. Alex.”

Davis: “You are too sweet. I’ll let you know when I get someone you like.”

This guy is a goldmine. Also, color me surprised she couldn’t manage to get the your/you’re correct, but got the too right.

The two dated for a short period of time before she eventually dumped his cheating steroid injected ass. A-Fraud apparently felt close to her at least close enough to confess to the pressures he felt professional baseball which is why he started juicing up:

“He told her that he’d used steroids,” the source claimed. “He said a lot of players did. He just wanted to be a good ballplayer.”

Naturally a spokesperson for A-Fraud has declined to comment. Not because A-Fraud is hiding anything but because there’s about a billion other allegations that came in first. You know the rule first come first served. Hopefully his PR team will release a comment on this, the newest train wreck of the A-Fraud express by Easter of this year.

Do Clemens and A-Rod have a contest going on that we don’t know about? Steroids? Check. Infidelity? Check. Misspelling? Chek (sic).

Maybe he should just stick to making love to himself.

Posted in A-Fraud, A-Rod, A-Roid, Alex Rodriguez, Hookers, MLB, Madonna, Major League Baseball, new york yankees, yankees suck | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Well has crushed yet another dream of mine

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 17, 2009

Well this sucks! I had a dream of owning a New York Yank’me jersey with “A-Roid” on the back but noooo…MLB censers will not allow it.

Darren Rovell reports in his CNBC Sports Biz column the is banning various “user submitted” nicknames on jerseys such as A-Roid, A-Fraud and Jeter Sucks Steinbrenner Cock.

“ spokesman Matt Gould told CNBC that the league does not allow fans to personalize products with anything that is deemed inappropriate, derogatory or profane. Fans haven’t been able to personalize their jerseys on the site with the word “steroids” since 2005, but as of this afternoon, fans can get A-Rod’s drug of choice, “Boli,” on the back of jerseys. They can also get “Sucart,” the last name of A-Rod’s cousin, who has been part of the story.”

Is “Ron Mexico” or “I ♥ Madonna” OK ?

I love the Yankee fans who spend $80 on a replica (a replica!) Jeter jersey, with his name across the back, despite the fact that the Yanks have NEVER HAD NAMES ON THEIR JERSEYS.

Actually, wait. I do not love those people.

Posted in A-Fraud, A-Roid, Alex Rodriguez, Derek Jeter, MLB, Major League Baseball, new york yankees, yankees suck | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

20 Girls + One Long Pole + Jim Edmonds = I need to take a trip to St. Louis

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 6, 2009

Jim Edmonds previously played for the St. Louis Cardinals before going to the loser Cubs. Like some professional athletes Edmonds has business ventures outside of sports. One such business is the F15teen Restaurant and Lounge.

Edmonds is giving some young lady the chance of a lifetime by winning his newest invention that I have dubbed the Stripper Battle Royal.

Talk about class! One pole, 20 girls and yes tonight Edmonds will be there in person. This is sort of, well, exactly what I would do if I was Jim Edmonds for a day. At least for tonight he will cover more grass in one day than he has for about 2 seasons now.

Edmond’s has just opened a store account at Verlo Mattress in anticipation of the stripper killing he will be doing during this event.

Posted in Chicago Cubs, Jim Edmonds, MLB, Major League Baseball, Role Model, St. Louis Cardinals, Stripper Pole, Strippers, classless | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Why Thank You CBS

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 19, 2009

The above screen shot of CBS Sport’s website pretty much sums all I have to say about that A-Roid press conference. And they say there’s no longer truth in advertising.

Posted in A-Roid, Alex Rodriguez, MLB, MLBPA, Major League Baseball, new york yankees | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »