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Archive for the ‘NBA’ Category

The New Jersey Nets are finding better ways to drive fans away than just by playing bad

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 4, 2009

If you ever needed a reason not to attend a New Jersey Nets basketball game, then I have one for you. Alcohol may have been a factor…at least I hope so.

Just watch the video and you’ll see and check out the shirtless Asian with the stuffed panda, Warren Sapp ain’t got anything on him, other than heterosexuality, money and a better station in life.

I have some alternate state mottos for New Jersey after seeing this video:

  • New Jersey Nets Basketball – TASTE THE RAINBOW!
  • New Jersey: Come for the hypodermic needle laced beaches, stay for the Gay Asian Stuffed Panda Dance.

Why was Kim Jong Il there? That’s the real question!

Posted in NBA, Nets, New Jersey Nets, So You Think You Can Dance, drunk, metrosexual | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Tracy McGrady: Bad Knee, Still No Heart

Posted by Joel on February 26, 2009

Here in Houston, the sport buzz has been on Tracy McGrady. McGrady has been a polarizing figure here. However, the way that this “surgery” has been handled, most Houston sports fans have been calling him “the worst Rocket ever”. I told the guys at the barber shop this when they first traded for him but I won’t say I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Apparently, word on the street is that microfracture surgery was not necessary, and he shopped around to find a doctor to agree that surgery was the best option. 4 other doctors told him to rehab and play through the pain. Doctor #5 was paid handsomely agreed with T-Mac’s assessment that surgery was required. I can see getting a second opinion, but four??? Wow.

Here are some nicknames for McGrady, some original, some not:

  • She-Mac
  • “Malibu” Stacy McGrady
  • T-Bag
  • Tin Man (for lack of heart and achy joints)
  • Penny Hardaway part II (no coincidence they both played for Orlando wearing #1)
  • The Human Injury Report

I think about Michael Jordan playing in the NBA Finals against the Jazz with the flu, lighting Utah up for 35 points while throwing up in buckets during time outs. I think about Allen Iverson playing through broken fingers, torn elbow ligaments and leading the league in scoring. I remember Jack Youngblood of the Rams playing through the NFL playoffs years ago with a broken leg, and playing quite frankly like it was not broken. But not McGrady, when she gets a hang nail there is no basketball being played. Yes, I am now referring to McGrady as she. Why not??? I don’t fear her. All I have to do is wear a Utah Jazz jersey in front of Stacy and I will always win.

The worst of all of this is She-Mac’s website. First of all, after surgery, McGrady immediately posted that the surgery was a success. So after the pain of getting a drill in the side of her fragile knee, homegirl had time to post about the surgery. Then, all of these nutjob “fans” wishing him luck and best wishes, saying to her that the doubters are just hating. Whatever, I just hope the knee scarring caan be covered up with some boots. You can’t even post a negative comment on the site. They filter it.

Oh well. Since her contract is up next year, and microfracture knee surgery takes at least a year to recover, McGrady probably won’t ever wear a Rocket uniform again. Since the WNBA’s Comets no longer play here in Houston, her playing choices remain very limited. Don’t feel sorry for her, McGrady is owed $44 million for this year and next year. Until then:


Posted in ESPN, Houston Rockets, NBA, NBA Draft, Toronto Raptors, basketball | Tagged: , , , | 5 Comments »

So where can we learn to throw insults around like a NBA scout?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 26, 2009

Man I thought we here at knew how to hurl insults. Apparently after reading what some NBA scouts say about the potential players to be entering this year’s draft, we know don’t know jack.

I found this little gem while reading Seth Davis’ blog Hoop Thoughts which is on Since I’m stressed for time and I’m still not a happy camper I thought I would share.

A.J. Abrams, 5-11 senior guard, Texas: He’s OK, but he’s a midget.

DeJuan Blair, 6-7 sophomore forward, Pittsburgh: Guys are going to block his shot, but he’s used to that.

Dionte Christmas, 6-5 senior guard, Temple: He’s a great athlete, but he has no clue how to play.

Austin Daye, 6-11 sophomore forward, Gonzaga: This kid will get you fired. Soft? He invented soft.

Ouch…damn! There are some good reviews of other players but you need to head over there and read them for yourself. All in all, the entire article is very informative.

Posted in NBA, NBA Draft, Seth Davis, Sports Illustrated | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Barkley to pitch a tent for Sheriff Joe Arpaio

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 25, 2009

If he continues to cover himself in vaseline, that should go over real well in the joint...


You know lately I haven’t written much of squat, I’ll admit that. Due to work and other factors I’m an unhappy non-writing camper at the moment. You know who else is not a happy camper right now? You guessed it, Charles Barkley.

Barkley pled guilty to DUI charges in Scottsdale and was sentenced to 10 days in the can, so that mean he should be eligible for parole around March 26. This means that he will only miss only one TNT doubleheader: Pistons at Bulls and Rockets at Jazz on Tuesday, March 24. Some judge in Arizona got kick back for this favorable scheduling there, I’m sure.

Sir Charles also has to pay more than two grand in fines he also has to install an ignition interlock device on all of the vehicles he owns and complete a court-ordered alcohol treatment program. However this worse end of the deal is the fact that the never shy from controversy Barkley will be wearing pink in the clink because he will be serving his time in Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s infamous Tent City Jail where some of the inmates have to wear pink boxers. If this doesn’t have cheap Fox reality TV show written on it then nothing does!

“I’m taking a lot of heat for putting convicted illegal immigrants in the tents. How am I going to discriminate and not put high-profile people in the tents?” Arpaio asked.”

However Sir Charles will be on a working release so he will actually leave the prison from 8 a.m. and return 8 p.m. that same day because the reality is the prison stint is just one of the qualifiers to being Alabama’s governor. Strangely enough, the ’round mound’ means something completely different in prison showers.

When this is over with I’m sure Barkley will be a better person, let’s just all hope he doesn’t come out and say “That prison rape was turrrurrible.”

For the record I’m sure Barkley saw enough pink underwear from his days of playing with Kevin Johnson.

Posted in Charles Barkley, DUI, Fines, NBA, Sheriff Joe Arpaio, Tent City, dumbass | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Broken Plays: The TGIF Edition

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 20, 2009


I know it’s been awhile since I ran a Broken Plays segment. So sue me. is reporting about how Charles Barkley will star in a golf-themed reality show. This of course cause me to wonder if Barkley will be the first person to bet on the fact that he will get a DUI on a golf cart.

The boys over at the Third Saturday in Blogtober have a new look and an excellent write-up about how the Atlanta Journal Constitution has become something a lot less than journalism.

Ashton Kutcher will try to ruin the game of football by playing a “superstar NFL QB” who trades bodies with some 12 year-old geek. Initial reports have Eli Manning cast as the 12 year old geek. In my opinion Faces of Death had more laughs in it than this pile of shit will ever get.

The Washington Nationals’ prized recruit has been caught lying about his name & age. This falsifying of the birth certificates of Latin-born players is just destroying the credibility of baseball.

Did Dr. Phil just shave his mustache on the left?

Is Baseball worse than pro-wrestling? It is if you believe Jesse “The Body” Ventura and he actually brings up some good points.

“My question is: They’ve now determined 104 baseball players failed their steroid test in 2003 – 104! They indicted Vince McMahon, why aren’t they indicting Bud Selig?”

Yahoo!’s Dan Wetzel agrees with Jesse and even further states that Major League Baseball under Bud Selig might even be steroid friendly than the days of Hulk-a-Mania.

“McMahon, who beat the conspiracy to distribute steroids charges in 1994, actually ran an honest operation compared to Selig. While Hulk Hogan may have claimed he was just “eating his vitamins,” anyone over the age of 12 understood the entire thing was make-believe, just entertainment.

Not Selig. Not baseball. They clung to an illusion they either knew wasn’t true or should’ve known wasn’t true. When confronted repeatedly with facts that the game was a sham, they reacted at a glacial pace.

Selig is so surrounded by yes-men and so comforted by apologists in the media – or organizations willing to suspend anyone who mocks him – that he believes his own lunacy.”

“That Selig.
Son of a bitch is dug in like an Alabama tick.”

Jessie Ventura as “Blain” in Predator.

I’ll admit freely that I’m a fan of the TV show Paranormal State. Now E! has a new take on ghost hunting that involves hot chicks in little IQ and scary places. Welcome to Hot Girls In Scary Places, starring the USC song girls.

“They’re totally scared, and totally believe experiences they’re going through,” says executive producer Gary Auerbach. “They’ll get scared and then be talking about a sorority party coming up. It’s a little bit ‘Scooby Doo’-ish.”

I think Weird Al already used this idea in UHF. I think some paranormal activity might be going in my pants. Quick, I need the USC Song Girls to investigate. (I realize that was crass but it sure is funny)


Regardless of what anyone thinks I was not in Tuscaloosa yesterday!!! I have an alibi, isn’t that right Joel? (wink wink nudge nudge)

My pick for next year’s NBA Slam Dunk contest is David Stern.


Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Ashton Kutcher, Bud Selig, Charles Barkley, DAvid Stern, Jesse "The Body" Ventura, NBA, USC, University of Southern Cal, Vince Mcmahon, WWE, Washington Nationals, cheaters, wrestling | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Sounds like Dwyane Wade’s former business partner is a little green with envy to me

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 11, 2009

Smoking weed is awesome, baby!! With a capital A

As if it isn’t bad enough that Dwyane Wade’s wife claimed he has some kinda of super secret STD during their volatile divorce proceedings, a former business partner claims he saw Wade pull a Michael Phelps and also saw “remnants” of wild sex parties that occurs at an apartment that was used by Wade and his posse.

“The man isn’t what people worldwide think he is,” Von Houtman said Sunday in an extensive interview. “He and his friends are just a bunch of idiots. I mean, I’m in Chicago at a charity party in 2007, and weed is being passed around and Wade takes a hit. In front of everybody.

“I got sucked into doing business with him because he has a first-class media persona, the new Michael Jordan. He was that good guy, father-of-the-year, celebrity who had his head on his shoulder. I found out after a year he was not like that.”

This Von Houtman person claims met Wade in 2006 and went into business together to develop a franchises of restaurants named D. Wade’s Place. He claims he leased Wade a $1.7 million, two-story condo in what is known as the Spear Building which is on Miami Beach.  He states that Wade and his childhood friend Marcus Andrews was to use it as the  headquarters for their marketing company, Wade Global Enterprises. But, according to Van Houtman, it also became a headquarters for D. Wade’s Sin City…

Cue the Barry White music.

“They’d have these parties in there two or three times a week,” Von Houtman said. “There were always dozens of people in there. Rappers, Dwyane and his entourage, women they’d pick up in clubs. They (Wade and Andrews) both made it clear to me how their goal in life is to have sex with as many women as possible.”

Van Houtman then resumed checking in at his other properties, including the Poke, Pump, Stab and Heterosexual Vaginal Intercourse buildings.

Wade’s publicist says Van Houtman is apparently either watching to much porn and fantasying about Wade at the same time or is flat out lying.

In my opinion, if Wade and his friend claimed to have said that their goal in life was to have sex with every woman possible, then they’re just regular dudes. And with a tear in my eye I shout “USA! USA! USA!”

If a NBA star in his prime can’t smoke pot and have sex with unattainable women without some jackass tattling as soon as his divorce hearing comes up, then those “man law” commercials have meant nothing!

Posted in Dwyane Wade, Miami Heat, NBA, divorce court, porn | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Cheikh Samb: Faceplant Victom

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 28, 2009

Cheikh Samb receives one free poster, courtesy of Brandon Roy and Greg Oden reinjures his knee and breaks a hand dreaming of that dunk.

Today we spell redemption R-O-Y  (You have to watch Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy to get that)

Posted in Faceplant, Los Angeles Clippers, NBA, Portland Trailblazers, Slam Dunk | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Nothing says marital bliss like a STD, just ask Dwyane Wades’ spouse

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 20, 2009

Divorce proceedings generally bring out the worst in two people. There are bitter feelings, broken hearts and sometimes a nasty custody battle to be fought. Apparently Charles Barkley’s former Fav Fiver is experiencing something similar.

In May 2008, Dwyane Wade filed for divorce against wife Siohvaughn. They have two children together, age 5 and 1. Recently Siohvaughn issued a nasty little laundry list that claims Wade gave her a collection of STDs. Somewhere there’s an Eddy Curry joke to be made.

In legal papers, she alleges he abandoned his children, committed adultery, and infected her with an unspecified sexually transmitted disease. She wants the names of ”all of his sexual partners” during their six-year marriage.

Dwyane, named a ”Father of the Year” in 2007 by the National Father’s Day Committee, has gone ”months” without seeing his boys, Siohvaughn says. His ”failure to spend time with them . . . has resulted in the children at times being afraid of him; in fact, Zion . . . does not recognize or know Dwyane.” She wants sole custody, and support.

She also says she has suffered ”grievous physical, emotional and mental injury” from the STD, diagnosed in the fall of ’07. (The infection is not HIV or a ”killer thing,” sources say.) Dwyane and his ”paramour or paramours” are liable, she alleges.

Well…alrighty then! I’m glad the STD isn’t a “killer thing” because if I ever entered a NBA fantasy league Dwyane would be the first player I would choose. Seriously even a blind man can see this is bullshit however I’ll play along for the sake of being funny.

Giving a woman an STD is like giving them one of those “Wine of the Month” club memberships as a gift. Every month, there’s something new to check out in your box.

Dwyane Wade’s Fave 5…STDs:

1. Syphilis
2. Gonorrhea
3. Genital Warts
4. Trichomonas
5. Hepatitis B

If these allegations are true, it would be the first documented case of someone from Wisconsin having a disease other than diabetes and hypertension.

Hopefully there will be a happy ending for all parties involved once this mess is over with and Valtrex prescriptions will be filled.

Posted in Dwyane Wade, Herpes, Miami Heat, NBA, STDs, divorce court | Leave a Comment »

Can Isiah Thomas’ life get any worse?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 16, 2009


The answer is yes, yes it can! After running the Knicks into the ground and attempting suicide (only to attempt and blame it on your daughter) one would think his life really can’t get any worse than right now or nothing could embarrass him any worse than that little sexual harassment case. Oh how one can be so mistaken.

There really isn’t an easy way to put this so I’ll just say it.

The brother of Isiah Thomas, Preston, showed his love for God by peeing on a church. I don’t think either God or the nice police officer than arrested him was amused.

“Thomas, 52, of 279 Columbine Drive, Clarendon Hills, was arrested at 9:15 a.m. Jan. 8 at Notre Dame Parish, 64 Norfolk Ave. He was charged with public urination.

Thomas was seen urinating near the church building by a passing motorist, as well as a teacher and student at Notre Dame School. He later was arrested at Golf and Chicago avenues.”

Subsequently, Preston Thomas blamed the urinating incident on his daughter.

I know many of you are reading that and thinking “Notre Dame and Penis? Is this a Brady Quinn joke?” Nope it’s not.

Sly Stallone is thankful that Frank Stallone would never pee on a church.

Remember that classic skit about R. Kelly?

♪ Haters wanna hate,
Lovers wanna love,
I don’t even want,
None of the above,
I want to piss on you.
Yes, I do, I’ll piss on you,
I’ll pee on you. ♪

Honestly hasn’t peed on a church in a drunken stupor before?Wait, he was arrested at 9:15 AM on a Thursday…

Posted in Isiah Thomas, NBA, New York Knicks, Urination | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Since Eddy Curry is a NBA failure maybe he’s a better gay sexual harasser

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 14, 2009

Even though Isiah Thomas is no longer with the Knicks per say, I believe his presence is still being felt by the team. After a year of Isiah Thomas drama the Knicks have a new scandal to deal with and this one is outrageous and incredible one can only attribute it to Isiah Thomas.

Eddy Curry will down in the history of the NBA as a flop, but today he is somewhat a news maker because his former chauffeur, David Kuchinsky, is accusing Curry of unimaginable acts that make Curry sound disturbingly gay with a penchant for firearms.

  • Curry repeatedly approached him in the nude allegedly telling him, “Look at me, Dave, look” and “Come and touch it, Dave.”
  • When Kuchinsky balked at some of these tasks, he claims he was verbally assaulted by Curry, including being called, “fucking Jew,” “cracker,” “white slave,” “white devil” and “grandmaster of the KKK.”
  • Making Kuchinsky perform humiliating tasks outside the scope of his employment, such as cleaning up and removing dirty towels [Curry had ejaculated into] so that his wife would not see them.
  • Curry also pointed a “fully loaded” gun at the chauffeur on two separate occasions to stop him from whining about his treatment, allegedly telling Kuchisnky, “Look, I have one in the chamber.”

Kuchinsky also says Curry owes him $68,000 in unpaid wages, and $25,000 in expenses.

First off Brady Quinn has volunteered to head an extensive undercover investigation into Mr. Kuchinsky’s claims and honestly where was this man when I was a teenager? He could have disposed of my ejaculate covered towels.

Curry states that the allegations were “absolutely false; just incredible” and “Everyone who knows me knows I’m not a racist. I guess it’s just a prime example of you just got to watch who you have around you,” Curry said, “because this is a guy who I really thought he was my friend.”

Wait a minute…Curry’s first reaction to this whole thing is “Everyone who knows me knows I’m not a racist??”

Personally, mine would have been “I don’t believe I’ve ever dangled my willy in front of another man’s face,” but hey, to each his own.

Currys accuser

Curry's accuser

By looking at Curry today he really should start harassing a salad bar so I’m surprised Eddy Curry would even have the motivation to masturbate. Remember when people were calling him Baby Shaq? That draft of 2001 was sorry and he was picked 4th overall & as of late he has had a problem finding playing time.

I admit that I believe Curry’s story and besides his accuser looks like he is wearing the Men’s Wearhouse “homosexual blackmail” line of suit.

Best comment so far about the incident? Shaq from his Twitter:

“ about eddy curry wow, i gotta go to bed on this one, geez.”

When asked for comment, the driver had no clear answer as to whether Eddy Curry was more Santonio Holmes or Chris Cooley.

Just to play devils advocate while continuing to make fun of the situation, let’s say this turns out to be all true. If so how much complaining should a convicted felon do? Really? Shouldn’t he have been happy he had a job that paid more than nothing? And, is this really the worst this guy has seen, did he spend any time in jail at all, that has to be worse than being Curry’s driver, right? At least Curry was nice enough to ask for sex instead of just sneaking up from behind.

Posted in Eddy Curry, Isiah Thomas, NBA, NBA Draft, New York Knicks | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »