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Archive for the ‘Nick Saban’ Category

It’s the Lane Kiffin Show

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 24, 2009

I did not create this, however it’s funny as hell.

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, King Kiffin, Lane Kiffin, NCAA Rules Violation, Nick Saban, Tennessee Volunteers, The Lane Kiffin Show | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Bama to give up 21 wins

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 12, 2009

001AlabamaFan

Alabama football will be forced to give up 21 wins from the 2005-07 seasons. Does that really hurt? No, not really. In all 16 athletic programs and 201 athletes were involved in a textbook scam. 

Five players were suspended from the team in 2007 after it was revealed that they used their scholarship benefits to gain free textbooks for other students. Officials were immediately suspicious when athletes decided to pick up any textbooks at all.  However, since the violations allegedly started in 2005, any victory from those three seasons that those players participated in would have to be vacated. The school will also be on the never ending probation for three years and have to pay a fine. 

Vacating wins means absolutely nothing. It doesn’t take back the booster money or tickets sales that those wins generated. The only true way to hurt a school is to take away scholarships, and the NCAA will not be doing that, even though Alabama is a multiple repeat offender. This particular offense is very minor and so is the punishment, even if the NCAA probably wants you to think otherwise. 

Mike Price is celebrating by heading to the strip club…”Roll Tide, right coach?”

“It’s rolling, baby!”

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Cheats, Bama Sucks, Fuck Bama, NCAA Rules Violation, Nick Saban, SEC, cheaters, classless | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

YMSWWC’s Awesome F**cking Guide to the 2008 Bowl Season! (With pictures this year)

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 18, 2008

cheerleaders

This would have been posted earlier but I kinda sorted screwed up and forgot to send Joel the bowl schedule. Yeah, my bad, I’m a dick. Whatever. Anywho let’s go over this year bowl schedule and mine and Joel’s picks and then you call your bookie.

This year there is a smorgasbord of crap-tastic games to choose from! Yay!

Non-BCS Bowls

EagleBank Bowl
When: Dec. 20, 11 a.m., ESPN
Where: Washington
Who: Navy vs. Wake Forest

Joel says: Anchors aweigh. I really wish Navy would have beat Notre Dame again this year. Wait, this is a real bowl game???

Thomas says: I pick Navy because I’m sick and damn tired of hearing how the Wake Forest is so good. Blah blah blah. Is this bowl game being funded by any of the bailout money by the way? Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in ACC Football, Air Force, Alabama Crimson Tide, Arizona Wildcats, BCS, BYU, Big East, Big Twelve Football, Bob Stoops, Boise State, Cal, Charlie Weis, Clemson Tigers, Colorado State, Conference USA, Dabo Swinney, ESPN, East Carolina Pirates, FSU, Florida Atlantic, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Fresno State, Georgia Bulldogs, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Hawaii Warriors, Houston Cougars, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, Kentucky Wildcats, LSU Tigers, Lou Lisp, Memphis Tigers, Miami hurricanes, Michigan State Spartons, Mike Gundy, Minnesota Gophers, Missouri Tigers, NC State Wolfpack, Navy, Nebraska Cornhuskers, Nevada, Nick Saban, North Carolina Tarheels, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, Oklahoma State Cowboys, Oklahoma sooners, Ole Miss, Oregon Ducks, Oregon State Beavers, Pac 10 football, Penn State Nittany Lions, Rutgers, SEC, SEC Football, Satan, South Carolina Gamecocks, South Florida Bulls, Steve Spurrier, Texas Christian, Texas Longhorns, Texas Tech Red Raiders, Troy, Univeristy of Troy, University of California berkeley, University of Southern Cal, Urban Meyer, Vanderbilt Commodores, Virginia Tech, Wake Forest, West Virginia Mountaineers, big ten football, boston college, mike leach, notre dame sucks, ohio state buckeyes, southern cal, southern miss, tOSU, vandy | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Welcome to the FAIL room bitches!

Posted by Billy Bob Bammer on December 16, 2008

holy-saban

That’s right! I is back! I’ve been silent this whole season while Saint Saban the Behr reincarnated racks up victory after victory. The reason for my silence is mainly because I’ve been doing a stretch in the state pen or as my fellow Bama boosters like to say: scouting for new football recruits. RTR!

First let’s talk about my bestest friend in the world Mr. James Fail, a fellow Bama booster. After all the millions of hard earned dollars that was earned through moonshine and cock-fighting that Mr. Fail has given to the BUSDGP (Buy us some damn good players) fund, Bama has officially named the visitors locker room “The Fail Room.” RTR! I also call my bedroom the fail room but for other reasons.

Strangely enough, another donor’s donation resulted in the renaming of Saban’s office. The Donor’s name is James J. HolyShitThat’sALotOfMoneyI’llTakeTheJob… Jr.

Hopefully someday I’ll get that outhouse in the west end zone named after me. Also this is coming just after Mississippi State renamed its stadium “LOL Field.”

Now on to the evil plan Auburn has that concerns assassinating Saint Saban.  Everyone knows this plan won’t work…but it almost did. Reports are flooding in that Saban’s ribs are sore from laughing at the fact that Gene Chizik has hired as the Auburn coach. RTR!

Nice try Auburn but it didn’t work.

Speaking of Auburn I see the services of former offensive line coach Hugh Nail are not wanted in college football. Hugh has taken a job with a trucking company. RTR good buddy! I’ll stop by later today and exchange some crystal meth for a hooker.

Congrats to Urban Meyer’s daughter, Nicki on receiving a scholarship from Ga. Tech. Here’s a piece from the Rivals write-up:

“Always being the new kid, Nicki often was asked to switch positions to fill whatever holes were left open.”

Well…alrighty then…

RTR Bitches!

Posted in Auburn, Bama Bangs, Bammers, Fail, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Nick Saban, SEC, SEC Football, Urban Meyer | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Something just isn’t quite right with the Tuberville departure from Auburn

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 5, 2008

Is something amiss on the plains of Auburn? After what seemed to be a never ending speculation on whether Tommy T would be fired we found out he “resigned.”

By most accounts this seems to be true. Auburn’s AD states he was “shocked” that Tubby resigned. Of course maybe after seeing what happened to Fulmer, Tubby took the high road.

If Tubby didn’t have the support from the Board of Trustees………he probably didn’t have it from the AD either, but that is only my opinion.

Of course Tubby’s mama is telling a newspaper that “He didn’t resign. He was fired.”

“He didn’t resign,” Olive Tuberville said. “He was fired.”

“He called and told me,” she said. “He made it through (the phone call to her) pretty good. He was dreading telling the players .This went on too long. They had their minds made up days ago, I imagine. It was tough. He didn’t know what to expect. All of his friends have stayed with him.”

For some strange reason I find this more factual. Let’s say Tubby did resign, one would think he would tell his assistant coaches ahead of time. At the time this all took place his assistants were out hitting the recruiting trails.

A couple of the assistant’s spouses were so enraged that they called a local sports show to vent publicly.  You can listen to the calls here.

Donna Dunn who is the spouse of the then D-line coach Don Dunn said her husband found out by a recruits coach when he was visiting him. She also states that her son, who is a student at Auburn, found out when a classmate interrupted a presentation he was giving to tell him his dad was unemployed.

That kid gets an A+ for his how-to presentation “On Being a Huge Asshole”

Amy Enzminger, the spouse of offensive coordinator Steve Enzminger, states he found out while out recruiting in Maryland. She also accuses Nick Satan I mean Saban of buying players. Well, duh everyone knows that. She also brings up Bobby Lowder, the Auburn trustee who got the president of the university fired in 2001 and tried to hire Bobby Petrino behind Tuberville’s back in 2003. Of course as everyone knows Auburn went 13-0 the following and was denied a shot at the National Championship.

Either it’s an interesting situation. You should listen to the calls. They’ll crack you up.

As far as the fark, Tommy Tuberville is a very good dancer. You ever see Tommy
Tuberville dancing? Tommy Tuberville is very tall. That helps. It makes him…lankier.

Posted in Auburn, Bobby Petrino, Nick Saban, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tommy Tuberville | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

This season is lost though it’s not over: The Tennessee/Alabama Grade book

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 27, 2008

If a picture is worth a thousand words then the above photo is clearly a copy of War & Peace. Quite honestly that is also what best describes this season. The fans are at war with the coach and Fulmer is constantly trying to bring peace.

The Phreaky Phil-Osophy show goes on and on and on while the status of the Tennessee Football program goes down.

A lot of Tennessee fans had a “gut feeling” about this game. That feeling turned out to be a mirage of hope. This team is bad, no make that dreadful.

No matter how this rest of this season plays out Tennessee will not beat a major rival. This was the first time Tennessee has lost consecutive games to Bama in the Fulmer era. It’s another clear sign that it’s time for a coaching change.

“I’m obviously very disappointed,” said Fulmer. “We’re in a battle from top to bottom, whether it’s recruiting or whatever. But I’m more concerned about our team right now.”

Alabama beat up Tennessee for the same reason Florida did: both teams have better play makers on both sides of the ball. The VOLS didn’t even get a first down until the 13:42 mark in the 2nd quarter.

Tennessee is just 6-14 against ranked teams over the last four years and a stunning 1-9 at home against the Top 10 this decade.

If a storied NFL team like the Cowboys can cut ties with a coach that gave them 2 Super Bowl victories and 5 appearances, then surely Tennessee can cut ties with Fulmer. Bring in some fresh blood and reawaken this program.

Of course Phil continues with saying the right things.

“All I know,” Fulmer said, “is we’ll keep working to get it fixed.”

Where have I heard that before?

Let’s look at these weeks grades and see just what needs fixing.

QUARTERBACK C+

Stephens still has not turned the ball over since he took the job from Crapton Crompton. He was 16 of 28 for 137 yards. However he made some questionable throws and missed some open wide receivers.

RUNNING BACKS D

36 rushing yards. Pathetic. Absolutely no explosive runs. I do credit Hardesty for making a first down due to second effort

RECEIVERS D

Clearly Gerald Jones was missed and fears of seeing Chavis in drag allowed Eric Berry only one opportunity on offense. Taylor and Stocker each had drops. I’m not going to blame Taylor for the offensive pass interference penalty though, that was total BS.

OFFENSIVE LINE F

Though this group got a good push in short yardage situations, they also had two penalties at critical times.

DEFENSIVE LINE C+

Robert Ayers continues to shine. The game score could have turned out different if Dan Williams didn’t suffer an injury.

LINEBACKERS C-

Even though Rico McCoy had 13 tackles he often knocked on his ass and they were so far down field that it didn’t make much of a difference. Ellix Wilson had nine stops as well.

SECONDARY A-

Eric Berry had 11 tackles and laid the wood on several Bama players. DeAngelo Willingham was picked on by Bama forcing man-to-man coverage to stop the run.

SPECIAL TEAMS C

LaMarcus Thompson forced fumble on a Bama punt that was recovered by Rogan at the five yard line. Colquitt had a productive night though he shanked a punt that was costly. Lincoln Logs missed a 51 yard field goal, but I’m not going to blame him for that because that’s clearly out of his range, but he should have made that 43 yard attempt.

COACHING F/A

The A is for the defense. Considering they received zero help from the offense they deserve it. Offensively Clawson called a boring and horrid game. When the VOLS needed big plays the calls were not made.

OVERALL F

Though the defense was solid and the special teams were productive, the offense is awful and laughable. The penalties that the offensive committed during opportunistic situations took points off the board.

A look ahead:

South Carolina is next week and believe it or not I think Tennessee should win this game. South Carolina’s run game is actually worse than ours. Stephens has an advantage due to the fact he protects the ball by not throwing interceptions and not fumbling. This should be a low scoring affair. Both defenses are equally good but I believe our secondary is considerably better.

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Ass Whipping, Bama Bangs, Bama Cheats, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Eric Berry, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Nick Saban, Nick Stephens, Phillip Fulmer, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers, UT vols, fire philip fulmer, fulmer sucks | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The War that is known as the 3rd Saturday in October

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 24, 2008

 

Most experts say that fans take sports and cheering for their favorite teams to seriously. In most cases I tend to agree with them. However those experts have never experienced the Third Saturday in October either. They do not know the joy or exhilaration of seeing the Tennessee Volunteers or the Alabama Crimson Tide take the field right before kickoff. Those experts have never felt the excitement in the air that is buzzing around when the teams line up.

This game is much more than a simple competition between two border state rival schools. This game is about passion, heart, pride & respect! And nothing means more than to these two teams than respect.

For Phil Fulmer this year’s game is about his legacy and his coaching career at Tennessee. For Nick Saban this year’s game is about a possible BCS birth and the chance to play for the national championship.

It’s hard to say who has the most to lose in this game. If Tennessee loses then Fulmer is most likely out as the head coach & if Saban loses then people will still question the hire by Alabama and people will point to this lose with an “I told ya so” attitude.

It is also equally hard to say who has the most to gain by a victory. If Tennessee wins then Fulmer will most likely keep his job as the head coach whether he wins out or not. A win would also propel the VOLS into a brighter national light. The number seven recruiting class that Fulmer is currently building could jump to number one. If Alabama wins then Saban brings Alabama to an 8-0 record and a possible number one ranking. The road to the BCS National Championship becomes ever so closer. And of course Saban could reel in yet another top rated recruiting class.

For the fans this game is an oxymoron of painful orgasmic joy. They live and die on every play, every called timeout & every injury. Both fan bases are smart enough to know that one can throw out the win/loss records for these two schools when they play. That fact alone makes rivalry games like this so intense.

Throw out what the experts say about sports and the seriousness of being a fan. They have never witnessed college gridiron gladiators battle each other like these two teams. If you look into the fans eyes on this holy day you will see both love & hate. Love for their favorite team and hate for the opposing team.

The Sunday following the game (or Monday for some fans) as the players and fans alike are recovering from their injuries or walking on air, the realization should set in that this is simply a game. However the fact that their memory will either joyously or painfully remind them of the final score and then reality actually sets in.

This is not a game. This is war that is fought only once a year and victors of that year’s war savor every moment of it for many times over in their heads. I’ve always said a good Alabama team is a beaten Alabama team.

Ladies and Gentlemen this is not a game: THIS IS THE BATTLE KNOWN AS THE THIRD SATURDAY IN OCTOBER!!!!!!

GO VOLS! Beat Bama!!!

Now let’s review some past Bama farks.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Bangs, Bama Cheats, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Big Orange, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Nick Saban, Phillip Fulmer, Rocky Top, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers, UT vols, vols | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

The Big Orange Roundtable Alabama Week Edition

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 22, 2008

That’s right folks it’s Alabama week and one can not have an Alabama week with the Big Orange Roundtable now can we? Taking a cue from the 3rd Saturday in Blogtober, both Billy Bob Bammer and I will be answering the questions this week.

With out further a due let’s go to the roundtable!!! (Never mind the smell it’s Bama related)

Both teams at some point or another have been described as an Evil Empire.  If your team is the Death Star, what is its planet-destroying weapon?

Thomas the Terrible: Simple Eric Berry. He is the crusher of the dreams for the QB’s and hits like hell, just ask Knowshon Moreno. He has already accumulated 5 interceptions this season and leads the county in interceptions as well.

He is a lock for all-American and possibly defensive player of the year in the SEC, unless the ref that tackled Stephen Garcia steals it. Not to mention he is also a tackling machine.

Billy Bob Bammer: Shoot that there is a easy one. Our boosters. You see our boosters pay the players more than what they might receive in the NFL. How the hell you think we get such good players in the first place?

The one thing a young man needs to worry when coming to Bama is football. You say you have a test in painting by numbers? Our boosters will gladly take that test for you.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Bangs, Bama Cheats, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Bear is Dead, Beat Bama, Crime & Punishment, Crimson Tide, Fulmer, GBO, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Nick Saban, Nick Stephens, Phillip Fulmer, SEC, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers, The Big Orange Roundtable, UT vols, boosters, fire philip fulmer, fulmer sucks | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

College Football Week 5 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 28, 2008

Ah how I love upsets and there were plenty for this week.

Well the Fulmer death clock continues to tick…as always be expecting a full game grade tomorrow after I watch a tape of the game today.

Don’t look now but UCONN is 5-0, you should expect them to be ranked.

Michigan State is a contender for now…but for some reason they always implode mid season.

Speaking of imploding, Syracuse actually led Pittsburgh but ultimately lost. There’s internet chatter about Lloyd Carr becoming the next Orangemen coach.

Clemson…WTF? Oh, wait my mistake…the annual Tommy Bowden fail is occurring.

Northwestern is 5-0 and Iowa still sucks.

The miracle that occurred in the Miami-North Carolina game was amazing to watch.

Gee. Urban…is fourth down and one yard to go. You trail by one with time quickly ticking away. Why didn’t you try the 49 yard field goal? Was it arrogance? At least update the play book and run something other than a Tebow keeper. Great win for Ole Miss and the Rev. Nutt.

Fresno state continues to win and I love it.

I’m getting sick and damn tired of seeing that stupid Olive Garden commercial that they were over playing last year.

I hate F$U when I pick them to win, they let down. Win I pick to lose they win. Bastards!

Look out Notre Dame is 3-1 let’s place them in the Top 5 stat!

Rich “Dirty Sanchez” Rodriguez gets a huge…huge win against a top 10 Wisconsin team.

I hope you enjoyed your visit to the top 25 East Carolina because it is officially over.

Wow…Navy beats Wake Forest…just how bad does the ACC suck?

Oklahoma should have scored more points than they did.

South Carolina struggled against a UAB team that Tennessee blew out…interesting.

Wow Miss. State does have an offense after all, to bad they lost though.

Look for South Florida to enter the top 10 this week.

Welcome back Virginia Tech. however the first year Nebraska coach actually helped your cause by getting a 15 yard penalty for “debating” a call with the ref.

I hope Ty Willingham has called North American Moving by now.

What can I say about Alabama…other than they cheat, but they laid it on Georgia. Anyone else notice that Nick Saban is sporting the Behr Bryant alcoholism red nose?

Don’t look now but Duke is 3-1 and the Virginia coach is probably and should be suicidal at this point.

Joe Pa rules bitches but give the fighting Zookers credit for keeping it respectable.

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Cheats, Big East, Big Twelve Football, Clemson Tigers, Crimson Tide, David Cutcliffe, Duke Blue Devils, East Carolina Pirates, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Georgia Bulldogs, Herban Meyer, Houston Nutt, Illinois Fighting Illini, Internet Rumors, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, LSU Tigers, Lloyd Carr, Miami hurricanes, Michigan State Spartons, Michigan Wolverines, Nebraska Cornhuskers, Nick Saban, North Carolina Tarheels, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, Oklahoma sooners, Pac 10 football, Penn State Nittany Lions, Roll Tide, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Skip Holtz, South Florida Bulls, Tennessee Volunteers, UCLA, Uga, Urban Meyer, Virginia Tech, WTF, Wisconsin Badgers, Zooker, alcoholics, big ten football, fire philip fulmer, jorts, notre dame sucks, suicide, upsets | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Yeah we got 12 (Cylinders)

Posted by Billy Bob Bammer on August 27, 2008

We ain’t forgotten about Kenneth Page either bitches. RTR!

Things are heating up for those little pussycats called the Clemson Tigers. It seems their defensive coordinator is jealous because all they offer to their players is a free car wash and a gift card to the Waffle House while our players are sporting Escalades.

At least that’s what Vic Koenning is implying in the Charleston Post and Courier with this quote:

“I actually ran into Julio in the spring recruiting. I said hello to him. I said, ‘Well, I guess I’ll be seeing you at the end of August.’ And then he got out and got in his Escalade and drove off. That’s serious. And then I went over and watched (Alabama freshman) Burton Scott at Vigor High School at the track over there, and Burton Scott was running around. He went and got in his Escalade out at track practice and drove off. So I’m familiar with those two guys.”

Let me tell you thing son we don’t be driving American here. RTR! We gots ourselves a Mercedes plant and with funds secretly transfers from out “Bama Spirit Account” to the bank accounts of some boosters in the Logan Young Memorial Fund, we can get some kraut cars pretty darn cheap for our players.  RTR!

Now it’s time to play Bama fans’ favorite game: Six Degrees of Blaming Phil Fulmer.

Here goes:

  1. Vic Koenning is the defensive master for Clemson.
  2. Clemson is the alma mater of Tennessee Athletic Director Mike Hamilton
  3. Mike Hamilton just gave Phil Fulmer a big raise at the end of last season.

See there’s where your car funds are going…into Fulmer’s pockets. It’s all jealousy because we have the Behr Reincarnated and meanwhile, Clemson recruits drive some bad-ass 1990 Ford Tauruses, RTR! (Nothing wrong with a Taurus mine is an 85 all stock bitches!)

At first I was suspicious because our players riding around in new Crown Vics, until I realized they were cop cars. That’s why we’re Fulmer Cup bound! RTR

When I was praying to the Behr he appeared and said “I want to know why our players aren’t driving Bentleys RTR!”

So Clemson let this be a reminder to you even though you will most likely win Saturday, our rides pimped out Behr style,. RTR Bitches!

Posted in ACC Football, Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Bangs, Bammers, Clemson Tigers, Nick Saban, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »