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It’s time to kick off the 2009 Big Orange Roundtable

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 14, 2009

2009-BORt-Banner-Light-1

What you think one bad season was going to break-up the mighty roundtable? To that I say HA! <flips you the bird>

Before we begin I would like to welcome out newest Big Orange Roundtable members to the brotherhood: Vol Junkies, Pigskin Pathos & Bleeding Orange welcome aboard!

For those that aren’t familiar with the Roundtable I’m going to quote Moondog because he’s cool like that.

For those of you not familiar with the roundtable, each week leading up to the start of the season one of the participating sites will serve as the host, asking questions for the other members of the roundtable to answer.

As the week progresses and the member web sites answer the questions, we’ll post a link to their responses. This year nine sites will be discussing every aspect of the upcoming season and for Volunteer fans, it’s a great opportunity to present your views.

In addition to MoonDog Sports, the Big Orange Roundtable consists of the 3rd Saturday in Blogtober, Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain, Vol Junkies, Pigskin Pathos, Rocky Top Talk, Bleeding Orange, Gate 21 and Losers With Socks.

At the end of the week after all of the sites have had a chance to respond, the host site will post a review with the best answers to the week’s questions.

We’re less than two months from Football Time in Tennessee so let’s get this year’s version of the Big Orange Roundtable kicked off.

Moondog and his awesome site, MoonDogSports.com, are the first blog to host the Big Orange Roundtable. Let’s see the questions he has for us.

  1. In my mind, this season’s success — or failure — centers around one man, Jonathan Crompton. What is your opinion of Crompton’s ability to run Lane Kiffin’s pro-style offense? Can Crompton overcome his miserable 2008 season and lead the Vols to a winning record?

If Crompton can be the Crompton who played extremely well while filling in for Erik Ainge a few years ago then he should fine. However that being said I’m not like some of us who believe he will have a breakout season because he won’t. Crompton is not smart enough to be a great QB. I’m sorry but it’s true, but he does have the tools physically.

Crompton09

Trust me the caveman might be smarter

The story is that last year the Clawson offense was confusing and the players were not the right fit for it. From what I saw in the spring game, King Kiffin® has simplified the offense and kept it simple. (I’m sure Crompton is thankful for that.) Crompton was productive in the spring game and Stephens was also productive.

I believe Crompton can lead the VOLS to a winning record but not by himself. There will have to be a lot of hand holding on Kiffin’s part for Crompton to succeed. If Crompton doesn’t succeed then for the love of God, yank him and put Stephens in.

  1. Last season, the kicking game was mediocre at best, and the special teams — especially the punt coverage unit — was a disaster. Daniel Lincoln returns as the kicker and Chad Cunningham will return as the punter. What are you thoughts about the Vols kicking game and special teams?

The main reason I believe the kicking game was in disarray is because some former coach <cough Phil Fulmer cough> didn’t believe in having a special teams coach. Well that’s been rectified. With the addition of Eddie Gran more time can be spent on special teams and with the kickers. I believe this to be a major factor and I believe that Lincoln Logs and Cunningham will be just fine this coming season.

  1. Tennessee’s offensive line was thought to be a strength in 2008, but like the rest of the offensive unit, didn’t perform well. What are your thoughts regarding the offensive line for 2009?

First let me start that last year our offensive line couldn’t block their way out of a Gymboree. I know this might sound like a cop out but again I think Clawson had something to do with this. I know offensive linemen are considered to be smarter than other players but after looking at some of the schemes from year I believe some bio chemists couldn’t figure what he wanted to run.

I believe this year the line should be much improved which will also help in other areas of the game such as QB and the running game.

  1. Tennessee finished 5-7 last season, a huge disappointment for a team expected to perform much better. How do you believe the Vols will finish in 2009?

Eight & four. We will lose to Bama, Florida, Ole Piss and Georgia. We should win the rest of our games hands down. For once we have an easy schedule with only four road games.

That’s it for this weeks Roundtable be sure to check the other blogs to see their answers to these questions.

3rd Saturday in Blogtober

MoonDogSports.com

Vol Junkies

Pigskin Pathos

Rocky Top Talk

Bleeding Orange

Gate 21

Loser With Socks

Posted in King Kiffin, Lane Kiffin, Rocky Top, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers, The Big Orange Roundtable, cromptonites | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Breaking down the 2009 Tennessee recruiting class

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 6, 2009

helmet

Well signing day has come and gone and of course most Tennessee fans are happy with this years results given that King Kiffin®  had a limited time getting them. Plus this class is ranked considerably ranked higher than last years.

With this class being ranked so much higher I found it more difficult to make fun of analyze them properly,  but I’ll give a try.

Since last year’s breakdown was such a success I’m here to breakdown this year’s recruiting class. Hopefully I’ll find another gem like Carson Anderson who is currently writing the “The Tao of Fat & Stupid Phil Fulmer” as I type.

askew1

Jerod Askew ****

Position:  Middle Linebacker

Other schools that offered:

  • Virginia Tech
  • West Virginia
  • Alabama
  • Clemson
  • Maryland
  • Michigan
  • NC State
  • Oklahoma
  • South Carolina

Strengths:

  • Speed
  • Toughness
  • Hitting ability
  • 4.7 GPA
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • 4.7 GPA. He studies too much when he should be learning the playbook and breaking laws
  • Size

Prediction:

This is one that Saban wanted and the Bama nation (of trailers) is not happy to lose this one. He will apply that lofty GPA to graduate early, cure cancer, develop time traveling wormholes & prank call Saban every chance he gets. This will all be completed as he sits on the bench because he proved he was indeed smarter than the entire coaching put together.

edwards

Mike Edwards ****

Position: Cornerback

Other schools that offered:

  • Cincinnati
  • Illinois
  • Indiana
  • Michigan
  • Minnesota

Strengths:

  • Great cover skills
  • Not afraid of contact

Weaknesses:

  • Wears funny looking hats

Prediction:

Will most likely lose an ear due to forgetting to take out the earring while he is being beaten down for wearing that funny hat.

gordon

Eric Gordon ****

Position: Cornerback

Other schools that offered:

  • Texas Tech
  • Alabama
  • Oklahoma
  • South Carolina

Strengths:

  • Speed
  • Natural athletic ability
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Dazed look on his face

Prediction:

There’s a reason as to why he face looks so dazed… Here’s a hint…he is clueless as to who Phelps is because if he knew…. Let’s leave it at that.

green1

James Green ****

Position: Wide Receiver

Other schools that offered:

  • Auburn
  • Ole Miss
  • NC State
  • Ohio State
  • South Carolina
  • Syracuse

Strengths:

  • Great hands
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Speed
  • Looks like he can’t grow a full mustache

Prediction:

He will most likely injure his upper lip attempting to shave the mystery mustache over and over again. It’s a mystery because no one else can see it! ZING!

jackson

Janzen Jackson *****

Position: Cornerback

Other schools that offered:

  • Texas A&M
  • Alabama
  • LSU

Strengths:

  • Body Control
  • Burst out of breaks
  • Tackling ability
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Did not want to be referred to as a “Coon-ass” or smell like corndogs

Weaknesses:

  • Backpedal quickness
  • Coverage awareness
  • First name is to similar to cheesy designer Jantzen who makes the worse freaking backpacks ever!!!
  • Boy-band good looks
  • Rumored to have a huge crush on Latoya Jackson

Prediction:

Will most like start his own boy-band called the “U of Tees” and record a mega-hit titled I wish I was the one who knocked up Candice Parker. Eventually the money from that one hit will run out and become the next Ryan Seacrest.

jeffery

Arthur Jeffrey ****

Position: Defensive tackle

Other schools that offered:

  • Clemson
  • Florida
  • F$U
  • Georgia
  • South Florida

Strengths:

  • Athleticism
  • Body control and balance
  • Size
  • Resisted the guns, stinky weed and jorts that Florida had to offer
  • Looks mean

Weaknesses:

  • Strength
  • Technique

Prediction:

Will become the bodyguard for the “U of Tees”.

king

Greg King ***

Position: Linebacker

Other schools that offered:

  • Alabama
  • Arkansas
  • Auburn
  • Miami (FL)
  • Oklahoma State
  • Texas Tech

Strengths:

  • Looks mean
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Hitting ability
  • Size
  • Speed

Weaknesses:

  • Discipline
  • Tackling Technique

Prediction:

15-30 give or take time off for good behavior

thornton

Nigel Mitchell-Thornton ***

Position: Inside Linebacker

Other schools that offered:

  • Wake Forest
  • Duke
  • Georgia Tech
  • Maryland
  • Miss. State
  • Nebraska
  • NC State
  • Oklahoma State
  • Stanford

Strengths:

  • Aggressiveness
  • Athleticism
  • Size
  • 3.4 GPA
  • 1320 SAT

Weaknesses:

  • Foot quickness
  • Pass coverage Skills
  • 1320 SAT. It’s obvious all his life has been football and books so it’s likely he’s still a virgin.
  • Smugness

Prediction

Great another smart one. Nigel will most likely realize that Wake Forest is the place for three star players. There he will realize that he studied so hard instead of dating because he’s gay. This will cause him to promptly flunk out of Wake Forest and settle with some special boy. All the while that smug look will not leave his face.

myles

Darren Myles ****

Position: Wide Receiver

Other schools that offered:

  • Alabama
  • Florida
  • Georgia Tech
  • Kentucky
  • LSU
  • Michigan
  • Notre Dame

Strengths:

  • Closing speed
  • Coverage Awareness
  • Size
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Resisted the guns, stinky weed and jorts that Florida had to offer
  • Did not want to be referred to as a “Coon-ass” or smell like corndogs
  • Found a way to beat the Jedi mindtricks of Charlie Weis

Weaknesses:

  • Recover Ability
  • Gives the thumbs up
  • Smiles

Prediction:

It quickly becomes aware to Darren and those around him, that he just to darn happy to be a SEC football player. Ladies and gentlemen meet the manger of the “U of Tees”. Pssttt Darren give everyone the thumbs up sign.

nelson

Robert Nelson ***

Position: Inside linebacker

Other schools that offered:

  • Auburn
  • West Virginia
  • Miss State
  • NC State
  • South Carolina

Strengths:

  • Attacks the line of scrimmage with reckless abandonment
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Coverage Skills

Prediction:

You might be asking yourself “Does he look high in that photo?” and the answer is YES! Robert will major in agriculture and develop a potent new pot plant and become famously rich from one customer alone, Michael Phelps.

oliver

Nyshier Oliver ****

Position: Athlete

Other schools that offered:

  • Alabama
  • Boston College
  • Georgia
  • Michigan
  • Notre Dame
  • Penn State
  • Strengths:
  • Toughness
  • Found a way to beat the Jedi mindtricks of Charlie Weis
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Looks mean and is mean

Weaknesses:

  • I’m very frightened of this person so please don’t ask me.

Prediction:

Coming from the mean streets of New Jersey there are two things Oliver knows: football and pimpology. Oliver will be the meanest pimp in orange the world has ever seen. Does Nyshier have to choke a Bama fan?

Glamour Shots!

Glamour Shots!

Kevin Revis ***

Position: Offensive Guard

Other schools that offered:

  • Vandy
  • Wake Forest
  • Auburn
  • Duke
  • Georgia Tech
  • South Carolina

Strengths:

  • ACT score of 28
  • Body Control and balance
  • Feet
  • Quickness of the ball
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Pass protection
  • Looks incredibility gay in photos
  • Wannbe boy-band good looks

Prediction:

Kevin will fall into a deep depression after being rejected for the fifth member position of the “U of Tees” and will start drinking heavily. He will later be known as the “American Idol Mauler” for beating up and molesting Janzen Jackson during a taping in the last season of the show.

Please quit calling me Meyer!

Please quit calling me Meyer!

Nu’keese Richardson ****

Position: Wide Receiver

Other schools that offered:

  • Florida
  • Georgia
  • Miami (FL)
  • Michigan
  • South Carolina
  • So Cal.

Strengths:

  • Speed, speed and more speed
  • Explosiveness
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer
  • Resisted the guns, stinky weed and jorts that Florida had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Once he publicly wore a Florida hat.

Prediction:

I hope he has blocking skills because…oh wait sorry I forget Fulmer was no longer the coach. After a much publicized comment King Kiffin® made about Meyer allegedly cheating to gain the services of Nu’keese, he goes on to have a wonderful career at some other school because he transfers out of Tennessee due to Florida scoring 80 on Tennessee. Way to go Kiffin…

rogers

Zach Rogers ***

Position: Wide receiver

Other schools that offered:

  • Texas Tech
  • Vandy
  • Alabama
  • Auburn
  • Colorado
  • North Carolina
  • Duke
  • South Carolina
  • Stanford

Strengths:

  • Relative of Austin Rogers
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Big Ears
  • Mr. Potato Head lips
  • Has that “Please punch me” look about him.

Prediction:

Zach will eclipse every receiving record that Austin Rogers set, which isn’t saying a lot. However he will also become to stand-in lip model for Steve Tyler’s life story as told by the Oxygen network.

Marlon Walls ****

Position: Linebacker

Other schools that offered:

  • Clemson
  • Ole Miss
  • Miami (FL)
  • Virginia Tech

Strengths:

  • Fools people by making them think he’s high all the time

Weakness:

  • He really is high all time.

Prediction:

He will be kicked off the team in his junior year for drug use. He’ll then go to some small school get an internship to the publication “High Times”. Twenty years later he’ll be the editor.

schofield

JerQuari Schofield ****

Position: Offensive tackle

Other schools that offered:

  • Clemson
  • South Carolina

Strengths:

  • Size
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Resembles what Gary Coleman would look like if he grew

Prediction:

Like most offensive tackles we will never hear from him again until he allows a sack.

sykes

Rae Sykes

Position: Strongside Defensive End

Other schools that offered:

  • Juco Transfer

Strengths:

  • None that I could find

Weaknesses:

  • See strengths

Prediction:

Sykes was part of the 2007 signing class. He was ranked as the #14 DE in the nation by Rivals that year. Is it me or does he look like a cocky smartass? I have a feeling he will remind Vol fans of another Juco transfer named Kenny O’Neil.

teague

Marsalis Teague ****

Position: Athlete

Other schools that offered:

  • Alabama
  • Clemson
  • Florida
  • Georgia Tech
  • Michigan
  • Ole Miss

Strengths:

  • Elusive
  • Playmaker
  • Speed
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Resisted the guns, stinky weed and jorts that Florida had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Route running

Prediction:

This is another one that King Kiffin stole from Meyer.  Since Tennessee isn’t sponsored by Under Armor that means Teague will not get to wear that idiotic headgear. As a result Teague will transfer to another school that is sponsored by Under Armor, Hawaii.

williams

Toney Williams ****

Position: Fullback

Other schools that offered:

  • Alabama
  • Florida
  • Georgia Tech
  • Kentucky

Strengths:

  • Instincts
  • Power
  • Size
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Resisted the guns, stinky weed and jorts that Florida had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Smiles
  • Change of direction
  • Cutback ability

Prediction:

Will transfer to Georgia Tech after he realizes that Tennessee doesn’t really have the kind of running backs he wants to block for, the kind that actually like smiling.

Posted in College Football, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Kiffin, Lane Kiffin, NCAA Rules Violation, Rocky Top, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Sports, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Tennessee has supermodels cheering for them, yes it’s great to be a Vol

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 29, 2009

marisa-miller

That’s right, model Marisa Miller was at the Tennessee game last night just to cheer for Tennessee’s own Emmanuel Negedu.

To make a long story short, Marisa Miller and her husband Griffin Guess had previously met Emmanuel Negedu when he was still in high school and promised to come watch him play so last night they honored that promise.

“It was really great to see him,” Guess said. “I think he’s grown about an inch and put on 10 pounds. He looks good.”

Psshhh dude look at your wife…she looks better….

“I think the atmosphere will be exciting,” Miller said. “I just hope I don’t embarrass Emmanuel by cheering too loudly.”

I can’t wait for the picture of a sweating like a horse Bruce Pearl giving her a hug. He might need some Dial for his “mansuit”.

So the Tennessee basketball team has supermodels cheering for them and the Alabama basketball team has….well…people like below cheering for them.

Posted in Bruce Pearl, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Pearl Jam, Rocky Top, SEC Baseball, Supermodels, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

You ain’t getting rid of Fulmer that easily

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 9, 2008

Pic used courtesy of Losers With Socks

Pic used courtesy of Losers With Socks

So you think can force Fulmer into “resigning” and that will be that, but I’m here to tell you that it’s not as easy as you think. The former head coach and once great field general is back at UT as “special assistant to the president.”

He will be serving a three month stint for a penitence of $12,500 a month and he will continue to receive full-time employee benefits.

In all honesty I believe this is a good thing as long he doesn’t look over King Kiffin’s shoulder during this time. He will be a wonderful spokesperson for the university and do a great job. Plus this gives me a chance to use some farks that I never found the time to use before.

“Phillip Fulmer is a UT icon and a wonderful ambassador,” said university president John Petersen in a UT release. “Over his long career with the university he has developed a vast network of contacts, made invaluable relationships with alumni and UT supporters, and done extensive work with development. I look forward to having him assist with further developing and enhancing strategic relationships for the University,”

Can we say help with recruiting? I thought so! Fulmer’s stint in this new position is scheduled to end on February 28, which of course is after national signing day.

“”I am not yet certain what the future holds for my career, but I’ll always support my alma mater, and I appreciate the opportunity to help the University out now,” Fulmer said, in the release.”

The position was outlined in an offer letter accepted by Fulmer and it might include things such as donkey punching the AD Mike Hamilton and ogling King Kiffin’s wife, Layla, the lucky bastard.

I just wonder if this new position has a buy out….

Posted in Go Big Orange, Go Vols, King Kiffin, Layla Kiffin, Mike Hamilton, Phillip Fulmer, Rocky Top, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Sorry King Kiffin, but the queen is more popular than you

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 4, 2008

It was bound to happen and it has happened. There is now a website solely dedicated to beauty of King Kiffin’s smoking-ass hot wife Layla. It’s called I Would do Layla Kiffin.com.

Now before you judgmental people automatically assume it was me, I’ll have you know that I have nothing to do with this, so quit staring at me. I said quit freaking staring at me damn it! I will have you on your knees praying to little baby Jesus faster than Charlie Weis can clean out an all you can eat buffet.

There, that’s better. Besides if I started this site I would take full credit.

Last Monday, the day King Kiffin© was announced as the new Tennessee head football coach, people flooded the Internet. Not for news on the King, no for pics of Layla. In fact she was the third most searched term on Google Trends.

According to the creators of this site Layla should be an assistant coach.

“They say behind every great man there is a great looking woman! Well it might not go exactly like that but it should! Our new YOUNG coach Lane Kiffin is toating a super hot M.I.L.F.. I’m hoping she’s involved in the game plan somehow.

Welcome to Knoxville and PLEASE come around quite often! At least a loss won’t be quite as bad next year. Come here and get lost in those georgious blue eyes!”

Hopefully someone has notified the webmaster that they misspelled “gorgeous.”

I will however concede to the fact that having her in the game plan couldn’t be any worse than having Dave Clawson or Randy Sanders involved.

Anyone ever notice how Lane’s got that knowing “Yes, boys. I’m banging that.” look on his face? I for one can’t wait for the Erin Andrews/Layla Kiffin interview/pretty-off/imaginary jello wrestling.

Posted in Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Lane Kiffin, Layla Kiffin, Rocky Top, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Ushering in the Era of King Kiffin…Spurrier is already scared & whining

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 2, 2008

Well it official. Yesterday marks the day the Lane Kiffin era began. He will earn will earn $2 million in 2009 and the contract will escalate to $2.75 million by its end in 2014.

There has been a lot of speculation as to who the coaches are that he is bringing in. I’ve heard everyone from his father the defensive guru Monty Kiffin to Coach 0. (Which would be sweet as hell because that gives me ammunition to make fun of this staff)

“I’m rolling my sleeves up and going to work,” said Kiffin, after being introduced. “I can promise you that no one is going to outwork me and no one is going to outwork my staff. It starts today.”

Everyone knows of his resume so there isn’t really any reason for me to re-type it. The page has been turned; let’s see what this young man can do for UT. Plus his wife is SMOKING HOT…my my my….

This is just my opinion but I feel this is a good hire for Tennessee. King Kiffin TM has a tremendous football heritage and brings a large brain trust to the table with incredible recruiting possibilities. He is somewhat of a risk because of his limited track record but we have to have some faith in Mike Hamilton. After all he did hire Bruce Pearl! He is bringing assistants to the table also who will energize the program the way it should be.

Kiffin gave an A+ press conference and has the quote of the day:

“It’s going to be fun hearing ‘Rocky Top’ after we beat Florida next year”

Of course this has the ole ball (sac) coach Steve God Spurrier worried. Seems the coach that was just humiliated by Clemson’s interim coach, Dabo Swinney (who was offered the job on a full-time bases yesterday), is already complaining about King Kiffin TM.

It seems Head Cock in Charge Spurrier is all upset because Kiffin called a recruit on Sunday before he was announced as the head coach yesterday.

“You’re supposed to have passed the NCAA test and be on board, I think. But maybe he was just calling him as an interested observer,” Spurrier said today, laughing. “I don’t know. But technically to be able to recruit you’re supposed to pass the NCAA test.

I know when I was hired, after the press conference I took the test to qualify you to be a recruiter. I hadn’t taken it in three or four years. At that time I could start making calls. I don’t know if he was permitted to make that call or not. You’ll have to ask somebody else.”

Guess what Spurrier Kiffin signed the contract on Saturday and per King KiffinTM:

“As far as recruiting, we’ve hit the ground running. I took the test a few days before I got hired here so that we could do that. Yesterday was the first day we could start calling guys, and we started knocking them out everywhere. This is very important for where we are right now. It was important to have a meeting with the team last night and touch those guys first so that they knew about this officially before you guys did. After that, it was right to recruiting.”

  • Signed contract on Saturday √
  • Took the test before calling Giles √
  • Put fear in Spurrier and made him start whining √

Sounds like sour grapes to me…considering Spurrier was named the most whiniest coach in all of college football I’m far from surprised.

Click to enlarge it's worth it

Did I mention that Kiffin’s spouse is smoking hot?

GO VOLS!!!!

Posted in Dabo Swinney, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, King Kiffin, Lane Kiffin, Rocky Top, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Steve Spurrier, Tennessee Volunteers, whiners | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

College Football Week 14 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 30, 2008

Yes folks I decided to take some time away from writing and enjoy the Thanksgiving weekend, I hope you had a pleasant and happy Thanksgiving.

I dub yesterday as disappointment day with the exception of Tennessee. I don’t mean to gloat, well…actually I do but this is the worst team that Tennessee has even placed on the field and yet Kentucky still couldn’t beat them. The streak lives on because Tennessee is Tennessee and Kentucky is Kentucky.

I’ll have a full write up on that game tomorrow.

Notre Dame put up a fight against USC at least until kickoff occurred. The Irish kept interrupting the Trojans’ pregame warmups which resulted in punches thrown and the Po Po intervening. Of course in the end Southern Cal proved what everyone knows and that is Notre Dame is a horrid team. Next stop on the Brian Kelly rumor-mill…why I’m betting Notre Dame.

Georgia seriously screws my picks up and loses to Georgia Tech.

Same old South Carolina, they still can’t beat their arch rivals the Clemson Tigers even though Clemson has an interim head coach. Hopefully this win will lead to Clemson offering the job to Dabo Swinney.

The Ole Ball (Sac) Coach is plenty mad after this embarrassment which lead Spurrier to degrade his players even further publicly. Honestly I’m wondering if he has lost this team. The reason I say that is because at the end of the game South Carolina tried to start a fight instead of shaking hands…classless.

Florida did what everyone thought they would do and beat up Florida State.

With Boston College and Virginia Tech both winning yesterday it looks like a rematch is set for the ACC title game. The same game that didn’t sell 50% of the tickets last year. Joy…

Alabama ends the Auburn winning streak they had against Bama…rather soundly at that. Time will tell if Auburn is foolish enough to fire Coach Turbeville.

No Rose bowl for you Oregon State, unless by some miracle UCLA can upset Southern Cal. Oregon State got hammered by the ugly uniform wearing Ducks of Oregon.

Oklahoma and Oklahoma State was a closer game than what the score indicates and it was a great game. Hats off to both teams.

Posted in ACC Football, Auburn, Big Twelve Football, Brian Kelly, Clemson Tigers, Dabo Swinney, Fights, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Fulmer, Georgia Bulldogs, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Hokies, Kentucky Wildcats, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, Oklahoma State Cowboys, Oklahoma sooners, Old Ball Sack Coach, Oregon Ducks, Oregon State Beavers, Phillip Fulmer, Rocky Top, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Tennessee Volunteers, Tommy Tuberville, USC, Virginia Tech, boston college, classless, notre dame sucks, southern cal | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Broken Plays: Does Tennessee actually have a new coach edition

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 26, 2008

First let me start with saying there will be no update for Thursday since it will be Thanksgiving. I plan on spending the day rooting against the Cowboys and enjoying time with family and friends.

But you never know…I might break away and post something….maybe

Well the hottest rumor abound is that Tennessee is planning on announcing that Lane Kiffin will the new football coach on December 1st. If that is the case then I’m staking my claim right here, right now that from that day on out he shall be known as King Kiffin. ™ Ooh…look a trademark logo.

It is not know how Al Davis will react to the news. Let’s see…

If this picture came at me in 3D, I'd be spending the afternoon shopping for a new pair of pants.

Wow…I’m speechless. Speaking of Al Davis how would you like to him in 3-D? According to the Wall Street Journal, the NFL has announced that the Dec. 4 game between the Chargers and Raiders will be broadcast live in 3-D to theaters in Los Angeles, New York and Boston. The three screenings – for NFL and consumer electronics executives only – are a “preliminary step” toward what could be regular 3-D broadcasts throughout the NFL schedule.

My thoughts are l Davis in 3-D isn’t a technological advancement, it’s a threat.

Keeping with the NFL Newsday is reporting that the league is looking why Brandon Jacobs was inactive for the past game against Arizona. Zona’s complaint steams from the fact the Giants deactivated him hours before game-time on Sunday after he was listed as probable on Friday. Call it whining if you want, but the NFL requires teams to fill out an injury reports for a reason.

Tom Coughlin was not happy to be asked about this allegation either.

“I don’t know what you are trying to stir up or what you are trying to say, but we did everything the right way,” he said. “I really believed that he would play and then he felt like he wasn’t going to be able to contribute. So then we logged every issue every day. So there was no hidden … What was our mistake? Listing him as probable? We did think he was probable.”

Apparently the wife of the University of Tennessee President John Petersen is well either a bit caddy or just a bitch. I’m sure somehow this is all Fulmer’s fault. Is the picture a mug shot, I mean she does look somewhat unstable.

Another school is looking for a coach. The University of Washington is rumored to plan on going after Les “Big hat, little penis” Miles. Ummm….can we say “Not a chance in hell?”

This time of year always marks what is known as the college coaching carousel. It also marks the time when we realize that Terry Bowden jockeys himself into position to fail. This year might looks like he really wants the San Diego State job.

“I don’t know much about San Diego State, but I am receptive to the right opportunity,” said Bowden, who has been working in broadcasting since last coaching in 1998. “I’d be glad to talk to people at San Diego State if they would like to. I really would.”

You it’s not like he sounds desperate…OK I lied it is.

The University of Michigan finally get a much needed victory when official at the Detroit Zoo make a Buckeye piñata and feed to a wolverine. I’m sure Michigan fans are wondering why they couldn’t have thrown RichRod in there also.

If South Carolina ever plays Oregon State I’m sure I will get to write:

‘Cocks finally get a victory when officials at the Columbia, SC zoo throw a beaver into the ‘cocks enclosure, where the effigy was fucked to shreds. Poor delicious vagina. Thus inspired, South Carolina stormed out and lost to Oregon St 42-7.

Some people might remember Lenny Dykstra as outgoing. *Cough BS Cough* But at least he remains a classy figure in sports. Look at some of these quotes that Lenny had to say after he appeared in a Manhattan courtroom to fight over $139,000 owed to him by a Manhattan accounting firm.

“[They] folded like Mitch Williams in the ninth,” Dykstra said about the firm that sued him as he made reference to a former Phillie teammate who served the winning homer to the Blue Jays’ Joe Carter in the ’93 World Series. “There was no case. There was nothing.”

And

“That’s my f–in’ ashtray money, bro,” he told the New York Post, when asked about claims he owed a private jet company $7,000. “I don’t even know if I flew on their plane.”

Alright everyone, listen up. Here's my next big tip: If you bite of both ends, like so, it turns into a straw.

Stay classy Lenny!

Posted in Al Davis, Arizona Cardinals, King Kiffin, Lane Kiffin, Lenny Dykstra, Michigan Wolverines, New York Giants, Oakland Raiders, Rocky Top, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, San Diego State, South Carolina Gamecocks, Tennessee Volunteers, Terry Bowden, big ten football, ohio state buckeyes | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

What Tennessee needs is Mike DuBose

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 6, 2008

Image courtesy of LosersWithSocks.com

Tennessee hasn’t had that killer instinct since 2002. It’s time to catch up with the rest of the SEC and start cheating and who better than Mike Dubose or as I like to call him Coach DuB.

Look at all the wonderful things Coach DuB has already accomplished in his coaching career.

It all began in 1997 when the Alabama Crimson Tide’s newest coach, Coach DuB lost to Kentucky. That was the first time Alabama had lost to the mighty KY since 1922. Coach Dub knew that if he won that game Kentucky would likely close down the football program which would in turn allow Louisiana -Lafayette to enter the SEC and he knew even then that could spell trouble for the Tide. There are rumors that he tried to tell Coach Saban that but the current wearer of the Hounds-Tooth crown of thorns wouldn’t listen and we all know how turned don’t we?

In the same year of 97, Coach DuB was betrayed by his assistant coaches during the Iron Bowl that resulted in a 17-15 loss to Auburn. Faced with a third and a long one and the prospect of having to punt the ball to Auburn if they did not convert, leaving Auburn an opportunity to get into field goal range, the Tide ran a screen pass resulting in a fumble and Auburn recovery that led to the game-winning field goal for the Tigers. Much controversy surrounded the apparent fact that Coach DuB did not call the play, nor did he know which play was being run. Coach DuB reacted by firing four assistants including the ones who called the play, Bruce Arians and Woody McCorvey. The Tide finished with the school’s worst record since 1957, the year before the Behr arrived.

In 98 Coach DuB lead the Tide for the first ever Music City Bowl and got drilled by Virginia Tech. Coach DuB is the last coach to defeat Auburn in Legion Field.

In 1999 Coach DuB embarked in an ambitious attempt to bring notoriety to the little known “holiday” known as Secretaries Day. Using the power of the internet Coach DuB with the help of his secretary Deborah Gibson (Not THAT Deborah Gibson either), Coach DuB started rumors that he was banging Gibson on a regular basis. This didn’t go well with the higher ups at Bama.

At first Coach DuB flatly denied this stunt, but three months later reached an out-of-court settlement that paid over $300,000 out of his own pocket, removed the final two years of his contract (leaving him without a job after the upcoming 1999 season unless either an extension was granted or a new contract was reached), and gave the administration the chance to fire him at any time they desired.

On a side note lying about the rumor he started is said to be a defining moment in Nick Saban’s life.

duboseAfter a 2-0 start, Louisiana Tech completed a shocking upset of the Tide. Calls for Coach DuB’s head reached a fevered pitch, and the administration responded by firing Athletic Director Bob Bockrath. Many Alabama fans and graduates were openly upset when the following week had passed and Coach DuB was still the head coach. Rumors persisted that Coach DuB would be fired in the off week of October 9, 1999; right after the Tide was expected to be routed by the Florida Gators

Coach DuB being the savvy one he is beat Florida 40-39 in overtime. Of course Coach DuB went on to lose to Tennessee 21-7 but they still made it to the SEC championship game and beat Florida yet again by the score of 34-7.

When was the last time Tennessee beat Florida two times in a row?

Coach DuB was named the SEC coach of the year in 99, partly because of the wins on the field and partly because he tried to bring Secretaries Day to the forefront in Alabama.

In 2000 the Tide stated #3 in the polls. The Tide opened the season with a loss to UCLA. Does that sound familiar? That year the Tide also lost to Southern Mississippi, Central Florida, Tennessee, Miss. State and a Saban led LSU team thus ending the 31-year winning streak over the Bayou Bengals in their home stadium.

The Tide did manage to beat South Carolina and hammer the hell out of Ole Miss that year.

Of course 2000 was the last year for Coach DuB as the Alabama coach.

Coach DuB has since continued coaching at the high school level and was named the head coach at Millsaps College in 2006, where I’m certain he is still trying to bring Secretaries Day into the forefront in Alabama.

Now we all the sordid details about Bama & the cheating scandal that occurred after Coach DuB left the Tide. People say cheaters never win, tell that to Nick Saban. It is clearly Nick Saban’s fault that Coach DuB was fired from Bama, that and the fact most Alabamians will never appreciate Secretaries Day.

Tennessee needs Coach DuB badly. He has a master plan to enact revenge against the SEC, especially Nick Saban and the Tide.

Mike Hamilton please hire Coach DuB now! It’s not like he’s making any real money where he is currently at. Trust me I know because when I was in Jackson, Miss the other week he was working part-time at carwash to make ends meet. I got to hear his sob story and his plan for revenge. I’m to frightened to go into detail about his plan but it entails making Secretaries Day a paid holiday, Wesson Oil and some compromising videos of Saban and a goat.

Besides when was the last time Tennessee beat Auburn and Florida? Plus he is undefeated against Alabama.

***Note to anyone reading this. This is a parody and honestly it didn’t turn out that way I wanted it to. However I needed to write something remotely funny. I’ll have a “real” article concerning the Tennessee coaching search tomorrow. ***

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Cheats, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Mike DuBose, Mike Hamilton, Rocky Top, SEC Coaches, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

My Memory Of Fulmer

Posted by Joel on November 3, 2008

So Fulmer is gone. Wow. This is the breakup that you knew would happen, but when it does happen you are still shocked. Watching the press conference, I saw a man with a fire and passion still for Tennessee football, but was also sad that his time was gone. Seeing him tear up was touching, although a $6 million buyout along with his legendary status in the state & Vol fans nationwide will dry his tears.

s_fulmer_i

I wanna travel back in time and share a memory that I had of Coach Fulmer. I went to Knoxville in the spring of 1997. I had a childhood friend that was getting scholarship offers from a ton of schools, including Tennessee. Since I was in college in Nashville, I agreed to meet my friend in Knoxville. You know, like I really needed an excuse to go to Knoxville. Anyway, we go there with his mom and stepdad & tour the campus then meet with the football staff. After catching a shuttle to Neyland, we meet some of the players there along with Coach Fulmer.

A lot has been said about his weight. I can’t think of another coach that has been photoshopped with love (and hatred) than Coach Fulmer. With that said, meeting him I could see that he generally doesn’t skip a meal with plenty of carbs and sugar. In other words, he’s a big guy. But when meeting him, he was gentle. I can remember Fulmer telling my buddy & I to meet him in the tunnel, along with some of the other recruits. I can remember him giving us a pep talk then telling us “Will you give your all for Tennessee today?!?!” Of course we said yes and ran out of the tunnel like we were about to line up. He made me feel like I was actually a player, even though I was far from it.

A few years later, I visited my friend & two of his linemen buddies in their apartment. They had to go to study hall on Sunday & as we get on campus, we see Fulmer pull up. After speaking, he tells me that someone on his staff needs to be fired to have a skinny runt on his team. I shoot back that they recruited me so I could be his personal Krispy Kreme guy. He laughs, puts his massive hands on my shoulder, and says “Well if that is the case, your hands are empty & you’re fired”. He was a good sport about things.

Whatever happens, I will always remember Coach Fulmer for a lot of things, but these are my two favorite memories of the man. Work like heck.

Big John Henderson is scary…

Posted in College Football, Fulmer, Go Vols, NCAA, Phillip Fulmer, Rocky Top, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Sports, Tennessee, Tennessee Volunteers, UT vols, football, vols | Leave a Comment »