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America’s favorite baby daddy says he was trapped

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 16, 2009

travis-henry

Look, we all know that former University of Tennessee running back, Travis Henry, is one fertile MF’er. After all I did dub him Travis “I got nine, nine MF’ing kids” Henry for a reason.

Henry recently told his story of reproductive woe to the New York Times. The former Bills/Broncos/Titans running back states only one child was planned however after he left Tennessee for the NFL draft he had three kids from three separate mothers.

After Henry was drafted by North America’s South Canada’s team, the Buffalo Bills, he still continued to share his seed of love several times with various fallopian tubes.

Now here’s something that you might or might not know: Children are like little people, they sometimes need medical care, they need clothing, shelter and that pesky thing called food. With Henry’s legal troubles stemming from drug charges, and no longer in the league, Henry claims he is completely broke.

Of course none of this is Henry’s fault whatsoever. He says he was trapped. I believe I heard the same line while watching the movie Juno. Don’t judge me for watching Juno there was no sports on!!

“I did use protection at first. Then they’d be saying they’d be on the pill. I was an idiot to trust them. Second or third time with them, I didn’t use it. Then, boom!”

Translation: “As a professional athlete there is a certain pressure on me to use Magnum XL condoms. I also have a pencil dick. Shit falls off, I’m a daddy. Again.”

Look Henry I’m going to drop some knowledge on you that my grandfather dropped on me:

Fool me once – shame on you. Fool me 8 times – I clearly have the IQ of a box of staples.

Henry may want to look into Vas Madness at The Urology Team in Austin, Texas. Of course back in my day we didn’t have all these fancy birth control methods….like pulling out.

At the present moment Henry is engaged and he says that both he and his fiancée don’t want any children. Which giving his past track record means I expect her to have quintuplets within the next two years.

Stuff like this is exactly why fellow NFL bust Maurice Clarett only has anal sex now. On second thought, that’s for different reasons altogether.

Posted in Buffalo Bills, Crime & Punishment, Denver Broncos, Juno, NFL Football, SEC Football, Tennessee Titans, Tennessee Volunteers, Trojan Magnum condoms, travis henry | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Breaking down the 2009 Tennessee recruiting class

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 6, 2009

helmet

Well signing day has come and gone and of course most Tennessee fans are happy with this years results given that King Kiffin®  had a limited time getting them. Plus this class is ranked considerably ranked higher than last years.

With this class being ranked so much higher I found it more difficult to make fun of analyze them properly,  but I’ll give a try.

Since last year’s breakdown was such a success I’m here to breakdown this year’s recruiting class. Hopefully I’ll find another gem like Carson Anderson who is currently writing the “The Tao of Fat & Stupid Phil Fulmer” as I type.

askew1

Jerod Askew ****

Position:  Middle Linebacker

Other schools that offered:

  • Virginia Tech
  • West Virginia
  • Alabama
  • Clemson
  • Maryland
  • Michigan
  • NC State
  • Oklahoma
  • South Carolina

Strengths:

  • Speed
  • Toughness
  • Hitting ability
  • 4.7 GPA
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • 4.7 GPA. He studies too much when he should be learning the playbook and breaking laws
  • Size

Prediction:

This is one that Saban wanted and the Bama nation (of trailers) is not happy to lose this one. He will apply that lofty GPA to graduate early, cure cancer, develop time traveling wormholes & prank call Saban every chance he gets. This will all be completed as he sits on the bench because he proved he was indeed smarter than the entire coaching put together.

edwards

Mike Edwards ****

Position: Cornerback

Other schools that offered:

  • Cincinnati
  • Illinois
  • Indiana
  • Michigan
  • Minnesota

Strengths:

  • Great cover skills
  • Not afraid of contact

Weaknesses:

  • Wears funny looking hats

Prediction:

Will most likely lose an ear due to forgetting to take out the earring while he is being beaten down for wearing that funny hat.

gordon

Eric Gordon ****

Position: Cornerback

Other schools that offered:

  • Texas Tech
  • Alabama
  • Oklahoma
  • South Carolina

Strengths:

  • Speed
  • Natural athletic ability
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Dazed look on his face

Prediction:

There’s a reason as to why he face looks so dazed… Here’s a hint…he is clueless as to who Phelps is because if he knew…. Let’s leave it at that.

green1

James Green ****

Position: Wide Receiver

Other schools that offered:

  • Auburn
  • Ole Miss
  • NC State
  • Ohio State
  • South Carolina
  • Syracuse

Strengths:

  • Great hands
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Speed
  • Looks like he can’t grow a full mustache

Prediction:

He will most likely injure his upper lip attempting to shave the mystery mustache over and over again. It’s a mystery because no one else can see it! ZING!

jackson

Janzen Jackson *****

Position: Cornerback

Other schools that offered:

  • Texas A&M
  • Alabama
  • LSU

Strengths:

  • Body Control
  • Burst out of breaks
  • Tackling ability
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Did not want to be referred to as a “Coon-ass” or smell like corndogs

Weaknesses:

  • Backpedal quickness
  • Coverage awareness
  • First name is to similar to cheesy designer Jantzen who makes the worse freaking backpacks ever!!!
  • Boy-band good looks
  • Rumored to have a huge crush on Latoya Jackson

Prediction:

Will most like start his own boy-band called the “U of Tees” and record a mega-hit titled I wish I was the one who knocked up Candice Parker. Eventually the money from that one hit will run out and become the next Ryan Seacrest.

jeffery

Arthur Jeffrey ****

Position: Defensive tackle

Other schools that offered:

  • Clemson
  • Florida
  • F$U
  • Georgia
  • South Florida

Strengths:

  • Athleticism
  • Body control and balance
  • Size
  • Resisted the guns, stinky weed and jorts that Florida had to offer
  • Looks mean

Weaknesses:

  • Strength
  • Technique

Prediction:

Will become the bodyguard for the “U of Tees”.

king

Greg King ***

Position: Linebacker

Other schools that offered:

  • Alabama
  • Arkansas
  • Auburn
  • Miami (FL)
  • Oklahoma State
  • Texas Tech

Strengths:

  • Looks mean
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Hitting ability
  • Size
  • Speed

Weaknesses:

  • Discipline
  • Tackling Technique

Prediction:

15-30 give or take time off for good behavior

thornton

Nigel Mitchell-Thornton ***

Position: Inside Linebacker

Other schools that offered:

  • Wake Forest
  • Duke
  • Georgia Tech
  • Maryland
  • Miss. State
  • Nebraska
  • NC State
  • Oklahoma State
  • Stanford

Strengths:

  • Aggressiveness
  • Athleticism
  • Size
  • 3.4 GPA
  • 1320 SAT

Weaknesses:

  • Foot quickness
  • Pass coverage Skills
  • 1320 SAT. It’s obvious all his life has been football and books so it’s likely he’s still a virgin.
  • Smugness

Prediction

Great another smart one. Nigel will most likely realize that Wake Forest is the place for three star players. There he will realize that he studied so hard instead of dating because he’s gay. This will cause him to promptly flunk out of Wake Forest and settle with some special boy. All the while that smug look will not leave his face.

myles

Darren Myles ****

Position: Wide Receiver

Other schools that offered:

  • Alabama
  • Florida
  • Georgia Tech
  • Kentucky
  • LSU
  • Michigan
  • Notre Dame

Strengths:

  • Closing speed
  • Coverage Awareness
  • Size
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Resisted the guns, stinky weed and jorts that Florida had to offer
  • Did not want to be referred to as a “Coon-ass” or smell like corndogs
  • Found a way to beat the Jedi mindtricks of Charlie Weis

Weaknesses:

  • Recover Ability
  • Gives the thumbs up
  • Smiles

Prediction:

It quickly becomes aware to Darren and those around him, that he just to darn happy to be a SEC football player. Ladies and gentlemen meet the manger of the “U of Tees”. Pssttt Darren give everyone the thumbs up sign.

nelson

Robert Nelson ***

Position: Inside linebacker

Other schools that offered:

  • Auburn
  • West Virginia
  • Miss State
  • NC State
  • South Carolina

Strengths:

  • Attacks the line of scrimmage with reckless abandonment
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Coverage Skills

Prediction:

You might be asking yourself “Does he look high in that photo?” and the answer is YES! Robert will major in agriculture and develop a potent new pot plant and become famously rich from one customer alone, Michael Phelps.

oliver

Nyshier Oliver ****

Position: Athlete

Other schools that offered:

  • Alabama
  • Boston College
  • Georgia
  • Michigan
  • Notre Dame
  • Penn State
  • Strengths:
  • Toughness
  • Found a way to beat the Jedi mindtricks of Charlie Weis
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Looks mean and is mean

Weaknesses:

  • I’m very frightened of this person so please don’t ask me.

Prediction:

Coming from the mean streets of New Jersey there are two things Oliver knows: football and pimpology. Oliver will be the meanest pimp in orange the world has ever seen. Does Nyshier have to choke a Bama fan?

Glamour Shots!

Glamour Shots!

Kevin Revis ***

Position: Offensive Guard

Other schools that offered:

  • Vandy
  • Wake Forest
  • Auburn
  • Duke
  • Georgia Tech
  • South Carolina

Strengths:

  • ACT score of 28
  • Body Control and balance
  • Feet
  • Quickness of the ball
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Pass protection
  • Looks incredibility gay in photos
  • Wannbe boy-band good looks

Prediction:

Kevin will fall into a deep depression after being rejected for the fifth member position of the “U of Tees” and will start drinking heavily. He will later be known as the “American Idol Mauler” for beating up and molesting Janzen Jackson during a taping in the last season of the show.

Please quit calling me Meyer!

Please quit calling me Meyer!

Nu’keese Richardson ****

Position: Wide Receiver

Other schools that offered:

  • Florida
  • Georgia
  • Miami (FL)
  • Michigan
  • South Carolina
  • So Cal.

Strengths:

  • Speed, speed and more speed
  • Explosiveness
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer
  • Resisted the guns, stinky weed and jorts that Florida had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Once he publicly wore a Florida hat.

Prediction:

I hope he has blocking skills because…oh wait sorry I forget Fulmer was no longer the coach. After a much publicized comment King Kiffin® made about Meyer allegedly cheating to gain the services of Nu’keese, he goes on to have a wonderful career at some other school because he transfers out of Tennessee due to Florida scoring 80 on Tennessee. Way to go Kiffin…

rogers

Zach Rogers ***

Position: Wide receiver

Other schools that offered:

  • Texas Tech
  • Vandy
  • Alabama
  • Auburn
  • Colorado
  • North Carolina
  • Duke
  • South Carolina
  • Stanford

Strengths:

  • Relative of Austin Rogers
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Big Ears
  • Mr. Potato Head lips
  • Has that “Please punch me” look about him.

Prediction:

Zach will eclipse every receiving record that Austin Rogers set, which isn’t saying a lot. However he will also become to stand-in lip model for Steve Tyler’s life story as told by the Oxygen network.

Marlon Walls ****

Position: Linebacker

Other schools that offered:

  • Clemson
  • Ole Miss
  • Miami (FL)
  • Virginia Tech

Strengths:

  • Fools people by making them think he’s high all the time

Weakness:

  • He really is high all time.

Prediction:

He will be kicked off the team in his junior year for drug use. He’ll then go to some small school get an internship to the publication “High Times”. Twenty years later he’ll be the editor.

schofield

JerQuari Schofield ****

Position: Offensive tackle

Other schools that offered:

  • Clemson
  • South Carolina

Strengths:

  • Size
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Resembles what Gary Coleman would look like if he grew

Prediction:

Like most offensive tackles we will never hear from him again until he allows a sack.

sykes

Rae Sykes

Position: Strongside Defensive End

Other schools that offered:

  • Juco Transfer

Strengths:

  • None that I could find

Weaknesses:

  • See strengths

Prediction:

Sykes was part of the 2007 signing class. He was ranked as the #14 DE in the nation by Rivals that year. Is it me or does he look like a cocky smartass? I have a feeling he will remind Vol fans of another Juco transfer named Kenny O’Neil.

teague

Marsalis Teague ****

Position: Athlete

Other schools that offered:

  • Alabama
  • Clemson
  • Florida
  • Georgia Tech
  • Michigan
  • Ole Miss

Strengths:

  • Elusive
  • Playmaker
  • Speed
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Resisted the guns, stinky weed and jorts that Florida had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Route running

Prediction:

This is another one that King Kiffin stole from Meyer.  Since Tennessee isn’t sponsored by Under Armor that means Teague will not get to wear that idiotic headgear. As a result Teague will transfer to another school that is sponsored by Under Armor, Hawaii.

williams

Toney Williams ****

Position: Fullback

Other schools that offered:

  • Alabama
  • Florida
  • Georgia Tech
  • Kentucky

Strengths:

  • Instincts
  • Power
  • Size
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Resisted the guns, stinky weed and jorts that Florida had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Smiles
  • Change of direction
  • Cutback ability

Prediction:

Will transfer to Georgia Tech after he realizes that Tennessee doesn’t really have the kind of running backs he wants to block for, the kind that actually like smiling.

Posted in College Football, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Kiffin, Lane Kiffin, NCAA Rules Violation, Rocky Top, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Sports, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Tennessee has supermodels cheering for them, yes it’s great to be a Vol

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 29, 2009

marisa-miller

That’s right, model Marisa Miller was at the Tennessee game last night just to cheer for Tennessee’s own Emmanuel Negedu.

To make a long story short, Marisa Miller and her husband Griffin Guess had previously met Emmanuel Negedu when he was still in high school and promised to come watch him play so last night they honored that promise.

“It was really great to see him,” Guess said. “I think he’s grown about an inch and put on 10 pounds. He looks good.”

Psshhh dude look at your wife…she looks better….

“I think the atmosphere will be exciting,” Miller said. “I just hope I don’t embarrass Emmanuel by cheering too loudly.”

I can’t wait for the picture of a sweating like a horse Bruce Pearl giving her a hug. He might need some Dial for his “mansuit”.

So the Tennessee basketball team has supermodels cheering for them and the Alabama basketball team has….well…people like below cheering for them.

Posted in Bruce Pearl, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Pearl Jam, Rocky Top, SEC Baseball, Supermodels, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Broken Plays: Damn it college football season is over edition

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 9, 2009

This is officially the greatest picture ever to be posted on the web and it comes to us from the Third Saturday in Blogtober and boy do ever have an awesome recruiting update.

Alabama running back Glen Coffee has decided he’s good enough to go but not good enough to picked first and thus by the Lions has decided to go pro.

Just step away! Please!

Brett Favre is talking about retirement AGAIN!

“I’m an emotional guy, and I’m sure people are tired of seeing me get emotional. People would probably say, ‘Oh, here he goes again.’ I think it would just be better for me to just thank the Jets, and I sincerely mean that. It was well worth what I invested. But I’m going to just quietly step away if that’s what happens.’”

If Brett Favre’s retirement was at the center of the Clint Eastwood classic The Unforgiven then I’m sure this line would be said:

“You better bury Brett Favre right! Better not go cuttin’ up, nor otherwise harm no whores. Or I’ll come back and kill every one of you sons-o-bitches.”

Hey Brett, just pop a few vicodin and mull it over.

owens

Great TO thinks he’s a blogger now and has a blog on Yardbarker.

“On Cris Carter’s “shoot ‘em in the head” comment:”All I know is, if I’d been the one who had said that about him, what would everyone have thought?”

Well my answer is… Not much, really. We would have just figured that you were being the same sanctimonious asshole you have always been.

Three of the four spots in this year’s NBA Dunk Contest field have been decided, but the fourth one, will be decided by a vote from the fans. I think Joe Alexander wants your vote.

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Brett Favre, Dallas Cowboys, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, NBA, New York Jets, Tennessee Volunteers, Terrell Owens, coach o | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Broken Plays: Happy 2009 Edition

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 2, 2009

sany0308

Woo hoo 2009 is here and you know what means right? It means you put the past behind you and look to the future.

Welcome to Tennessee Coach 0, I sure have missed you. That’s right folks I’m going to have to get Cajun man out of retirement because Coach 0 has left the Saints while snubbing LSU and joined King Kiffin’s staff at Tennessee. All this of course means I have new ammo to make fun of my favorite team.

Yaw yaw Go Vols yaw.

Welcome back Cajun Man

I’m gonna leave this blog…and when I get back I’m not gonna have a shirt on….and the rest of you (*&%$%*^s better have their shirt off too…and if anyone in this %*&^*^% room thinks they can take me…then BRING IT!!!

wOw…sOrry…I think I just blacked Out…did I just say sOmething?

See? That was easy!

Congrats to Jerod Mayo former Tennessee defensive God and this years NFL Defensive Rookie of the year!!!

The former University of Tennessee standout was a nearly unanimous choice, earning 49 of 50 votes Wednesday from a nationwide panel of sports writers and broadcasters who cover the league.

Sir Charles Barkley’s political aspirations aren’t starting off as well as he would have liked.

As most of you know he was cited for a DUI on New Years Eve but now there are something rather interesting circumstances surrounding this situation.

The Smoking Gun has the full report:

According to the officer who wrote the report, “He told me that he ran the stop sign because he was in a hurry to pick up the girl I saw get in the passenger seat.”

The officer continues: “He asked me to admit that she was ‘hot.’ He asked me, ‘You want the truth?’ When I told him I did he said, ‘I was gonna drive around the corner and get a b**w job. He then explained that she had given him a ‘b**w job’ one week earlier and said it was the best one he had ever had in his life.”

The report says when Barkley was taken to the station, he told one of the employees, “I’ll tattoo my name on your ass” if he helped “get him out of the DUI.” According to the report, “He laughed and then quickly corrected himself and said, ‘I’ll tattoo your name on my ass’ and then laughed again.”

Well that would explain the sweatiness in the mug shot. The old “blow job around the corner” trick, been there tried that. Nice try Sir Charles.

But everyone wants to know it the same “girl” Eddie Murphy picked up a bunch of years ago?

Denver fires Mike Shanahan and yet Norv Turner will most likely remain employed this year. I like Mike Shanahan but I see it was time for him to go after 13 seasons and 2 super bowl victories.

Is it me or does he look like a zombie in the photo below?

Posted in Charles Barkley, DUI, Denver Broncos, Ed Orgeron, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, SEC, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers, coach o | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Du(n)ce Staley shows ignorance while lambasting David Reaves

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 10, 2008

Du(n)ce Staley, I’m sure you have heard the name before. He is a former Gamecock and a failure of the NFL. Hey when you’re a third string back and the team you are playing for promotes some mope from the practice squad to starter when the first two backs are injured, you’re a failure. He now is a radio host of a local radio call-in show called  The Halftime Show, here in Columbia, SC.

The reason I’m bashing Du(n)ce is because of his non-stop whining about the newly hired recruiting coordinator David Reaves. For those that don’t know Reeves is Kiffin’s brother-in-law so when Kiffin was hired as head football coach at Tennessee he naturally offered Reaves a job. Before Reaves was hired at Tennessee he was the recruiting coordinator for the USC Gamecocks. Are we clear on that? Good.

Since that hiring has occurred there has been a lot of bashing by people like Du(n)ce and of course Gamecock fans.

Du(n)ce went on a seven minute tirade about Reaves’ leaving and accused Reaves of illegal recruiting and “turning his back on Steve Spurrier who treated him like a son” and so forth. Of course all the things Du(n)ce repeated were here-say taken from blogs with no actual proof. Du(n)ce then demanded that the shows producer Michael Haney call Reaves to get him on the phone live and on air so he can answer for these misgivings.

Michael Haney is the one in long sleeves, Jay Philips is the one that resembles a gay Mr. Spock and of course Du(n)ce is in the middle.

Well surprisingly Reaves did chat with Du(n)ce, live and on air and you can listen to phone conversation right here. In fact I implore you to listen to it before you continue reading.

Now going back to that conversation Reaves answers all of Du(n)ce’s questions with logical answers. Of course since Du(n)ce is so the man he claims to be I want to know why his comments after the phone call with Reaves aren’t available.

Du(n)ce claimed that Reaves was lying of course that doesn’t get published on the site so Reaves will not know. Du(n)ce also back traced when some Gamecock fans called in and told Du(n)ce to let it go and get over it. Du(n)ce then claimed he wasn’t questioning the recruiting tactics but instead he was upset that Reaves (supposedly) burned bridges with the coach. Of course that does not get on that joke of website either.

Du(n)ce, Reaves told you he had spoken to Spurrier about this why don’t you confirm this before shooting off your trap? Oh I know why, it’s because you don’t have the access to the Old Ball (Sac) Coach that you claim to right?

Here’s a better idea Du(n)ce why not let Spurrier handle his own business instead of making an ass out yourself on a regular basis?

One thing when dealing with Du(n)ce if you don’t agree with him or his stance 100% he always says things like “Did you play in the NFL?” or in this case he told a Gamecock fan “Have you ever been a part of the recruiting process, because I have so don’t tell me about it.” Nice listener relation skills Du(n)ce. If you ever wonder why you’re not on some national radio show or TV analysis, try listening to yourself and the asinine comments you make.

And yes I’m e-mailing a copy of this to Du(n)ce it won’t be the first or last time we have butted heads in the past.

Posted in David Reeves, Duce Staley, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Lane Kiffin, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Steve Spurrier, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments »

You ain’t getting rid of Fulmer that easily

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 9, 2008

Pic used courtesy of Losers With Socks

Pic used courtesy of Losers With Socks

So you think can force Fulmer into “resigning” and that will be that, but I’m here to tell you that it’s not as easy as you think. The former head coach and once great field general is back at UT as “special assistant to the president.”

He will be serving a three month stint for a penitence of $12,500 a month and he will continue to receive full-time employee benefits.

In all honesty I believe this is a good thing as long he doesn’t look over King Kiffin’s shoulder during this time. He will be a wonderful spokesperson for the university and do a great job. Plus this gives me a chance to use some farks that I never found the time to use before.

“Phillip Fulmer is a UT icon and a wonderful ambassador,” said university president John Petersen in a UT release. “Over his long career with the university he has developed a vast network of contacts, made invaluable relationships with alumni and UT supporters, and done extensive work with development. I look forward to having him assist with further developing and enhancing strategic relationships for the University,”

Can we say help with recruiting? I thought so! Fulmer’s stint in this new position is scheduled to end on February 28, which of course is after national signing day.

“”I am not yet certain what the future holds for my career, but I’ll always support my alma mater, and I appreciate the opportunity to help the University out now,” Fulmer said, in the release.”

The position was outlined in an offer letter accepted by Fulmer and it might include things such as donkey punching the AD Mike Hamilton and ogling King Kiffin’s wife, Layla, the lucky bastard.

I just wonder if this new position has a buy out….

Posted in Go Big Orange, Go Vols, King Kiffin, Layla Kiffin, Mike Hamilton, Phillip Fulmer, Rocky Top, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Yes, Tennessee will sacrifice for King Kiffin

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 5, 2008

Yes times are tight, that’s more than apparent. However Tennessee has such a belief in King Kiffin that the student and employees are willing to sacrifice their comfort for him. After all that 2 million dollar a year salary has to come from somewhere.

When Al Davis opens the Ninth Gate of Hell and sends his unholy minions to destroy Lane Kiffin once and for all next fall, their flaming swords and shields should heat up Knoxville considerably.

Posted in Al Davis, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, King Kiffin, Lane Kiffin, Layla Kiffin, SEC Coaches, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Sorry King Kiffin, but the queen is more popular than you

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 4, 2008

It was bound to happen and it has happened. There is now a website solely dedicated to beauty of King Kiffin’s smoking-ass hot wife Layla. It’s called I Would do Layla Kiffin.com.

Now before you judgmental people automatically assume it was me, I’ll have you know that I have nothing to do with this, so quit staring at me. I said quit freaking staring at me damn it! I will have you on your knees praying to little baby Jesus faster than Charlie Weis can clean out an all you can eat buffet.

There, that’s better. Besides if I started this site I would take full credit.

Last Monday, the day King Kiffin© was announced as the new Tennessee head football coach, people flooded the Internet. Not for news on the King, no for pics of Layla. In fact she was the third most searched term on Google Trends.

According to the creators of this site Layla should be an assistant coach.

“They say behind every great man there is a great looking woman! Well it might not go exactly like that but it should! Our new YOUNG coach Lane Kiffin is toating a super hot M.I.L.F.. I’m hoping she’s involved in the game plan somehow.

Welcome to Knoxville and PLEASE come around quite often! At least a loss won’t be quite as bad next year. Come here and get lost in those georgious blue eyes!”

Hopefully someone has notified the webmaster that they misspelled “gorgeous.”

I will however concede to the fact that having her in the game plan couldn’t be any worse than having Dave Clawson or Randy Sanders involved.

Anyone ever notice how Lane’s got that knowing “Yes, boys. I’m banging that.” look on his face? I for one can’t wait for the Erin Andrews/Layla Kiffin interview/pretty-off/imaginary jello wrestling.

Posted in Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Lane Kiffin, Layla Kiffin, Rocky Top, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

More crappy Christmas Gifts

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 4, 2008

Yes this season looks bleak especially if you’re a sports fan. If you’re like me and is forced…FORCED damn it…to participate in the office “Secret Santa” then get them a crap-tastic sports gift.

What says “You’re a gold digging whore” to that slutty office person who is constantly raving on about how drinks she scored for free over the weekend by offering over hyped cleavage and a lack of substance better than an ESPN Monopoly game?

Is Erin Andrews on the community chest cards?

This ties into the biggest thing that bothers me about ESPN – they in large part dictate the sports narratives of the day. Public opinion regarding an issue, player, or team can literally be shaped by ESPN now. So when the BCS goes to ESPN, not only will ESPN’s tune change on the issue of a college football playoff, but you can bet that public opinion will as well.

Know anyone that ever wanted to smell like JoePa’s adult diapers? Then here’s your chance to make them happy while grossing out their cubical neighbors.

Masik is a company that “specializes” in collegiate fragrances.

They offer colognes in the following schools:

  • UNC: When Just Looking Like Stu Scott Ain’t Enough, Bro. WARNING: do not spray directly in eyes.
  • Penn State: Musk, passion, wrinkles…Joe Paterno Moth Balls fragrance

And coming soon!

  • Florida: When being a douche-bag isn’t enough and you can smell like one.
  • Georgia: Boone’s Farm and urinal cakes with subtle notes of denial.
  • Alabama: mixture of baby back ribs, dead Behr and bacon is tantalizing to the ladies.
  • Tennessee: concoction of whiskey in a jar and Lane Kiffin
  • Auburn: heady combination of sinsemilla and ass.
  • LSU: A subtle blend of coonass and corndogs.

To bad they don’t make one for Oregon St Beavers the women’s version could embody the true essence…

Of course if you have an asshole boss like me get them a Redsox coffin. The special edition Ted Williams model comes with built-in air conditioning.

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Auburn, Bear is Dead, Boston Red Sox, Douche Bag, ESPN, Evil Empire, Florida Gators, Georgia Bulldogs, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, LSU Tigers, North Carolina Tarheels, Penn State Nittany Lions, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »