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Archive for the ‘USC’ Category

Gamecock football player arrested signifies that spring is officially here

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 23, 2009

Toke toke pass

You know it’s been awhile since I’ve had the pleasure of to write anything negative about a Gamecock football player. To be totally honest I was beginning to get worried. I mean spring just isn’t the same around here in Columbia unless you have pollen, thunderstorms in the afternoons and a Gamecock arrest. Luckily for Mother Nature 2 out of 3 ain’t too bad.

Last Tuesday it was announced that defensive tackle Ladi Ajiboye was suspended indefinitely which of course in Steve God Spurrier terms means a couple of practices. It has now been revealed that Ajiboye was arrested in February for being a participant in a drug deal. Somehow the Spurrier regimen somehow kept this hidden from the Gamecock hating liberal media of Columbia. This reason I say that is because all the Gamecock fans complain how only negative things are written about their team.

Within the past two seasons Ajiboye has started in 22 games and is considered a key to the defensive line. Don’t worry Gamecock fans this boy is a producer on the field and you know as well as I do that if the starting QB can key a professor’s car, be arrested multiple times within a year and set of fire extinguishers in the dorms for fun then Ajiboye will be back on the field by next week.

According to the Columbia Po Po, on the February 21st, they witnessed Ajiboye engage in a “hand-to-hand transaction” with another person. Ajiboye at the time was driving Terrence Campbell’s car. Campbell is an offensive lineman for the Gamecocks. Ajiboye just wanted to get his Phelps on!

The Po Po staked out the car and after Campbell like a moron failed to signal for a turn, he was promptly pulled over. There the Po Po found evidence of the sweet sticky icky weed that Ajiboye confessed was his. I will give credit to Ajiboye for manning up there.

“Our narcotic agents witnessed a drug transaction,” sheriff’s department spokesman Chris Cowan said. “They saw him get into the car. They made the stop. He was arrested.”

Campbell, a redshirt junior who started nine games at guard last season, was not charged in the incident.

Never fear Gamecock fans you have Neal “Johnie Cochran Jr.” Lourie. Believe me he could have gotten OJ off the last charges. Then again if Lourie can’t work his magic then there’s always pumping gas.

Posted in Crime & Punishment, Po Po, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Stephen Garcia, Steve Spurrier, USC, bongs, mary jane | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Broken Plays: The TGIF Edition

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 20, 2009

ea-tongue1

I know it’s been awhile since I ran a Broken Plays segment. So sue me.

MoonDogSports.com is reporting about how Charles Barkley will star in a golf-themed reality show. This of course cause me to wonder if Barkley will be the first person to bet on the fact that he will get a DUI on a golf cart.

The boys over at the Third Saturday in Blogtober have a new look and an excellent write-up about how the Atlanta Journal Constitution has become something a lot less than journalism.

Ashton Kutcher will try to ruin the game of football by playing a “superstar NFL QB” who trades bodies with some 12 year-old geek. Initial reports have Eli Manning cast as the 12 year old geek. In my opinion Faces of Death had more laughs in it than this pile of shit will ever get.

The Washington Nationals’ prized recruit has been caught lying about his name & age. This falsifying of the birth certificates of Latin-born players is just destroying the credibility of baseball.

Did Dr. Phil just shave his mustache on the left?

Is Baseball worse than pro-wrestling? It is if you believe Jesse “The Body” Ventura and he actually brings up some good points.

“My question is: They’ve now determined 104 baseball players failed their steroid test in 2003 – 104! They indicted Vince McMahon, why aren’t they indicting Bud Selig?”

Yahoo!’s Dan Wetzel agrees with Jesse and even further states that Major League Baseball under Bud Selig might even be steroid friendly than the days of Hulk-a-Mania.

“McMahon, who beat the conspiracy to distribute steroids charges in 1994, actually ran an honest operation compared to Selig. While Hulk Hogan may have claimed he was just “eating his vitamins,” anyone over the age of 12 understood the entire thing was make-believe, just entertainment.

Not Selig. Not baseball. They clung to an illusion they either knew wasn’t true or should’ve known wasn’t true. When confronted repeatedly with facts that the game was a sham, they reacted at a glacial pace.

Selig is so surrounded by yes-men and so comforted by apologists in the media – or organizations willing to suspend anyone who mocks him – that he believes his own lunacy.”

“That Selig.
Son of a bitch is dug in like an Alabama tick.”

Jessie Ventura as “Blain” in Predator.

I’ll admit freely that I’m a fan of the TV show Paranormal State. Now E! has a new take on ghost hunting that involves hot chicks in little IQ and scary places. Welcome to Hot Girls In Scary Places, starring the USC song girls.

“They’re totally scared, and totally believe experiences they’re going through,” says executive producer Gary Auerbach. “They’ll get scared and then be talking about a sorority party coming up. It’s a little bit ‘Scooby Doo’-ish.”

I think Weird Al already used this idea in UHF. I think some paranormal activity might be going in my pants. Quick, I need the USC Song Girls to investigate. (I realize that was crass but it sure is funny)

burnt-bama-hahaha

Regardless of what anyone thinks I was not in Tuscaloosa yesterday!!! I have an alibi, isn’t that right Joel? (wink wink nudge nudge)

My pick for next year’s NBA Slam Dunk contest is David Stern.

sb-david-stern-r

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Ashton Kutcher, Bud Selig, Charles Barkley, DAvid Stern, Jesse "The Body" Ventura, NBA, USC, University of Southern Cal, Vince Mcmahon, WWE, Washington Nationals, cheaters, wrestling | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Fourteen gold medals, banging a USC coed and smoking pot, just one day in the life of Michael Phelps

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 2, 2009

My question is was he smoking Mellow Gold or Spanish Trampoline?

Usually when I write about the University of South Carolina and smoking pot in involves the school’s football players. I have more than once referred to USC as the University of Smoking Cannabis. This time is different. This time I’m not writing about some Shamecock football player, I’m writing about 14 gold medal Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps.

It seems this past November Phelps was in this fair town of Columbia where he attended a football game and apparently got high Even though I’m opposed to illegal drugs and take pleasure in making fun of those who use them this really isn’t as a big of a deal as the traditional media outlets are making it out to be. If you had gigantism of the ears and neck, you’d smoke too. However sometime ago The US Olympics Committee, who have pledged to clamp down on drug use, did announce some laws that could force Phelps to sit out the 2012 games in London because he took drugs.

News of the World, a British newspaper was the first to break this story.

One party-goer who witnessed the star’s behaviour told the News of the World: “He was out of control from the moment he got there.

“If he continues to party like that I’d be amazed if he ever won any more medals again.”

Phelps’ aides went into a panic over our story and offered us a raft of extraordinary incentives not to run the bong picture.

phelps-usc

Phelps apparently has been banging some USC chick named Jordan Matthews and decided to get wasted every night he was here in town. The source of the story states Phelps was rather obnoxious. With ears like his how can anyone be obnoxious?

“Every girl wanted a piece of him and every guy wanted to be his best buddy. He couldn’t get enough of all the attention.”

Our source said: “You could tell Michael had smoked before. He grabbed the bong and a lighter and knew exactly what to do.

Well it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to smoke dope does it? The source also states Phelps spent a lot of time at Pavlov’s bar. In my humble opinion I think that place is a freaking dump. This isn’t the first time Phelps has been in trouble either. In 2004 he served an 18 month long probation for a DUI.

Since this story has broken Phelps has acknowledge that the photo is real and is sorry.

“I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment,” Phelps said in the statement released by one of his agents. “I’m 23 years old and despite the successes I’ve had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again.”

Now we know how he consumed 12,000 calories a day. He’d eat cream and onion chips, with some dip, man. Some beef jerky, some peanut butter. Some Hagen-Daz ice-cream bars. A whole lotta of chocolate. Gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, pink popcorn. GRAHAM CRACKERS!!! Graham crackers with the marshmallows. Little marshmallows with little chocolate bars and he would make some smores. Celery, grape jelly, Captain Crunch with the little crunch berries, pizzas, two big pizzas, man, everything on ‘em, water, a whole lotta water and…….Funyuns.

It’s always interesting how celebrities show remarkable self-awareness about their mistakes after they get caught … and usually when millions of dollars in endorsements are on the line.

The U.S. Olympic Committee said it was “disappointed in the behavior recently exhibited by Michael Phelps,” who was selected the group’s sportsman of the year. He also was honored as AP male athlete of the year, and his feat in Beijing — breaking Mark Spitz’s 36-year-old record for most gold medals in an Olympics — was chosen as the top story of 2008.

Posted in DUI, Michael Phelps, South Carolina Gamecocks, USC, bongs, drugs, dumbass, mary jane | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

College Football Week 14 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 30, 2008

Yes folks I decided to take some time away from writing and enjoy the Thanksgiving weekend, I hope you had a pleasant and happy Thanksgiving.

I dub yesterday as disappointment day with the exception of Tennessee. I don’t mean to gloat, well…actually I do but this is the worst team that Tennessee has even placed on the field and yet Kentucky still couldn’t beat them. The streak lives on because Tennessee is Tennessee and Kentucky is Kentucky.

I’ll have a full write up on that game tomorrow.

Notre Dame put up a fight against USC at least until kickoff occurred. The Irish kept interrupting the Trojans’ pregame warmups which resulted in punches thrown and the Po Po intervening. Of course in the end Southern Cal proved what everyone knows and that is Notre Dame is a horrid team. Next stop on the Brian Kelly rumor-mill…why I’m betting Notre Dame.

Georgia seriously screws my picks up and loses to Georgia Tech.

Same old South Carolina, they still can’t beat their arch rivals the Clemson Tigers even though Clemson has an interim head coach. Hopefully this win will lead to Clemson offering the job to Dabo Swinney.

The Ole Ball (Sac) Coach is plenty mad after this embarrassment which lead Spurrier to degrade his players even further publicly. Honestly I’m wondering if he has lost this team. The reason I say that is because at the end of the game South Carolina tried to start a fight instead of shaking hands…classless.

Florida did what everyone thought they would do and beat up Florida State.

With Boston College and Virginia Tech both winning yesterday it looks like a rematch is set for the ACC title game. The same game that didn’t sell 50% of the tickets last year. Joy…

Alabama ends the Auburn winning streak they had against Bama…rather soundly at that. Time will tell if Auburn is foolish enough to fire Coach Turbeville.

No Rose bowl for you Oregon State, unless by some miracle UCLA can upset Southern Cal. Oregon State got hammered by the ugly uniform wearing Ducks of Oregon.

Oklahoma and Oklahoma State was a closer game than what the score indicates and it was a great game. Hats off to both teams.

Posted in ACC Football, Auburn, Big Twelve Football, Brian Kelly, Clemson Tigers, Dabo Swinney, Fights, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Fulmer, Georgia Bulldogs, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Hokies, Kentucky Wildcats, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, Oklahoma State Cowboys, Oklahoma sooners, Old Ball Sack Coach, Oregon Ducks, Oregon State Beavers, Phillip Fulmer, Rocky Top, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Tennessee Volunteers, Tommy Tuberville, USC, Virginia Tech, boston college, classless, notre dame sucks, southern cal | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Maybe it’s bad artwork that is the reason as to why South Carolina football players can’t drive mopeds

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 6, 2008

That picture is bullshit. Nobody wears Russell anymore....

I think this one is titled Straight For the Jugular! Death to the Old’ Ball (sac) Coach! But that’s not all folks. Steve God Spurrier is clearly the inspiration submissions to that mail-order art school that have commercials on TV during daytime programming. I just drew the mouse and never heard back from them.

I’d always imagine that Spurrier would be best depicted with a cock over his shoulder.

Arkansas Sports 360 reports that you can own an autographed copy of the above print by going here.

In the next painting which I believe is called Chicken Poops on Steve’s Arm is also available. I mean really look at his face…it’s almost frightening.

Yes, that's right. Lou Holtz's heart, bring it back here. Think you can handle that?

Not shown: Cousin Eddie attempting to batter and deep-fry the rooster’s feet.

Now you might remember me writing about how the Gamecock players have trouble doing the simplest of things like riding mopeds. Well apparently there’s been yet another moped accident.

Kenny Miles a freshman tailback apparently figure out to operate the brakes which has led to God Spurrier enforcing a helmet rule.

“We’re going to start enforcing our guys to wear helmets on those scooters. We’ve got to do that. We’ve had about three or four accidents,” Spurrier said Wednesday. “Kenny Miles got scuffed up pretty good, so he’s out for a couple weeks. But he’s OK. He got his face – looked liked he slid into second base on a paved road.”

Of course it’s a law that they are required to wear a helmet…so I’m sure they will follow your rules instead unless those painting are causing bad judgment on the player’s part, which is always a possibility. Of course frequent use of the sweet icky weed would have the same effect.

Imagine getting high and then looking at those paintings….oh the humanity!

Posted in Marijuana, Old Ball Sack Coach, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Steve Spurrier, USC, moped | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Random Musings for Friday…A Tragic Thing has Occured

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 26, 2008

I’m presently writing this from a double super secret location. Tragically my motherboard died last night so this is not typed from comfort of my lair. I’ll buy a new one today and be up and running by tonight. In the mean time think about this:

The USC Trojans were beaten by the Beavers (Get your minds out of the gutter) to become the newest most talented college football failures.

LawVol has written on open letter to the Vol nation.

Who would you choose as the next University of Tennessee football coach?

There are plenty of rumors that swirling around Phil Fulmer at the moment.

You should see what the soccer moms are carrying in Lebanon, Pa.

And now here is the newest “Damn! what a catch!” It should win an Espy.

Posted in Pac 10 football, Phillip Fulmer, Rocky Top, SoCal, Tennessee Volunteers, USC, University of Southern Cal, fire philip fulmer, fulmer sucks | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

College Football Week 3 is in the books & here’s what I learned + an update on Joel!!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 14, 2008

First off I have great news. Joel has more than survived his epic bout with Hurricane Ike. Joel suffered no damage however he does not power, but him and his family are safe & dry. He would like to thank all the people that were praying for him.

His next bout will be with the government over the fleecing of gas that has occurred with this hurricane. Did you know that oil prices actually dropped last Friday? Of course not because they spiked to a staggering amount. These refineries only produce 25% of this nation’s gas, and some of that is exported. Nevertheless gas should only go up by 25%, big government should step in but never will.

Ok I just had to get that off my chest. That will be one of few times you’ll see something political on this blog…unless I find some hot photos of Sarah Palin. Is so wrong to lust after a female running for vice president?

South Florida decided to show some Big East pride by beating Kansas. This was a great game. The Kansas QB is awesome. It would be foolish of teams in the NFL not to draft him. I don’t care how tall he is. Think how good Doug Flutie could have been. Trust me there are a lot of NFL teams kicking themselves for not drafting him because of his height.

The Kansas QB reminds me of Vince Young except not as tall, stronger, more accurate, and not suicidal and he isn’t whiner.

Hyped games like the Nuts verses the Contraceptives suck. The SoCal-Ohio State was b-o-r-i-n-g. Let’s face it. Right now SoCal is that good. I don’t care if Beanie Wells didn’t play. The score wouldn’t have changed that much.

Under hyped games rule!! Kansas-South Florida & Fresno State-Wisconsin were awesome games.

Georgia failed to impress. However some of you might remember back in August that I predicted that Garcia would make his debut in the Georgia game and I was right. Self ^5.

Oklahoma continues to impress as Ty Willingham might need to start packing his bags.

Missouri looks great!

LSU did what LSU was supposed to do and beat a nobody team convincingly.

Does Auburn have an offense or is the defense of Miss. State that good?

The Tide continues to roll and they will be rolling next week as they play the worst SEC team in Arkansas. And even though the Texas-Arkansas was postponed, Texas would have crushed them.

East Carolina pulls out a squeaker and the R-E-S-P-E-C-T factor is falling with them as it is with Georgia Tech as well.

People better watch out for Ole Miss and Nebraska.

Everyone point and laugh at the PAC 10 this week. Sure USC rolled and Oregon pulled out a miracle but Arizona State lost to UNLV, UCLA got ass raped by the Mormons of BYU, Cal lost to Maryland….that right there deserves a LOL.

The ACC isn’t fairing any better as well with Virginia losing to UCONN big. Remember UCONN struggled against Temple last week.

Cutcliff is winning at Duke though. Way to go Coach!

Oh La La almost pulled off another epic upset against Illinois yesterday.

Penn State looks impressive I mean very impressive.

Oklahoma State continues to roll and roll big.

OMG Kentucky is undefeated.

Utah continues to roll. How important will the Utah-BYU game this year?

The Notre Dame defense looks good then again it was against Michigan. However Charlie Weis is more man than Tom Brady by electing not to have surgery on his busted up leg. Get better Coach I hate to pick on gimps.

I have a post coming up about the Tennessee game.

Did anyone notice how Herbstreit finally admits Mark Sanchez will probably be a Heisman finalist after side stepping the question?

Finally has anyone noticed how eerily similar that USC QB Mark Sanchez resembles Richard Ramirez AKA the serial killer known as the Night Stalker? (Insert scary music here)

…………………………………..

 

Posted in Arizona State Sundevils, Arkansas Razorbacks, Auburn, BYU, Big East, Big Twelve Football, Cal, Dawgs, East Carolina Pirates, Georgia Bulldogs, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Illinois Fighting Illini, Jim Tressel, Maryland, Miami hurricanes, Michigan Wolverines, Missouri Tigers, Nebraska Cornhuskers, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, Oklahoma State Cowboys, Pac 10 football, Roll Tide, SEC Football, SoCal, South Carolina Gamecocks, South Florida Bulls, Temple, Tennessee Volunteers, The Night Stalker, UCLA, USC, USF, University of California berkeley, University of South Florida, University of Southern Cal, Washington Huskies, Zooker, big ten football, kansas jayhawks, mississippi state bulldogs, notre dame sucks, ohio state buckeyes, ole miss rebels | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Today at 4:30 p.m. Eastern LenDale White will proclaim his dislike for tOSU on “Rome Is Burning”

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 29, 2008

Irreverent NFL running back LenDale White a former Southern Cal player to proclaim that he thinks Ohio State sucks on “Rome Is Burning” which airs on ESPN. So everyone gather around your TV and pop some popcorn to watch this less than historic event.

If for some reason you can’t watch it today then I have a special treat for you. Here is the audio of it.

LenDale White says Ohio State Sucks

This makes the second former SoCal player to say negative things about tOSU Carson Palmer being the first.

Posted in Carson Palmer, LenDale White, Pac 10 football, SoCal, USC, big ten football, ohio state buckeyes, southern cal, tOSU | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

The OB(Sac)C Garnet Way Volume One: Spurrier Disciplinarian Aficionado

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 28, 2008

The OB(Sac)C Garnet Way is new section in which we try to delve into the mind of Steve God Spurrier to see what he is thinking, how to handle certain situations and the cause & effect of dumb ass mistakes.

On 8/25/08 God Spurrier shocked the Gamecock faithful by announcing that Taylor Rank will get the starting nod over senior Mike Davis at tailback in USC’s season-opener against North Carolina State.

Spurrier stated his reasoning for starting Rank over Davis was:

“Taylor’s had a little bit better preseason practice,” Spurrier said following Monday afternoon’s practice. “He had a good summer going to workouts and Mike did too. Mike will be in early though.”

The Head Ball (Sac) Coach went on to say that Rank is “ready to play, he’s performed well, taken care of the ball, knows what to do. He’s a good solid back, but Mike will be in there pretty early.”

Still this left many of the Gamecock perplexed and soon there was panic in the streets as the Rogue Cop of West Columbia and his SWAT team had to turn the water hose on Gamecock fans. Coupled with military grade tear gas and Milkor MGL-140 grenade launchers thankfully quelled that riot.

Milkor MGL-140 grenade launcher, with longer cylinder and Picatinny type accessory rails

Milkor MGL-140 grenade launcher, with longer cylinder and Picatinny type accessory rails

Well thankfully to some crack digging and good sources we now know the reason why Spurrier chose Rank over Davis.

Sunday was a scorcher here and I’m sure Davis was hot from after doing whatever Gamecock football players do when they don’t have practice. (Think in the lines of committing felonies.)

Davis was dazed, confused and extremely thirsty. He shouts out “Anyone got 2 dollars so I can get me a Gatorade?” All he heard was silence…silence!!!

Davis decided to do what any self-respecting Gamecock would do and break into a fridge that was in the team’s weight room and steal get him some damn Gatorade! Go Cocks!!!

Davis using his manly man yet parched force, showed that refrigerator who the boss was! After the damage was discovered God Spurrier quickly thought of ways to punish the culprit. Surely when the star QB to be can key a professor’s car and rack up three arrests in a 15 month period and not get booted off the team then how could he justify booting this perp off?

Spurrier asked his team of malevolent angels who the hell did this…but all were silent just like the responses to Davis’s cries for 2 dollars were silent the day before.

You can see Davis in this picture he has that confused and dazed look about him

Spurrier is crafty though and he decided to check the camera footage and low and behold there was Mike Davis assaulting and possible molesting that poor innocent refrigerator door.

Quickly the ball coach had to think. So instead of following university protocol by reporting this act of vandalism to the USC Campus Po Po, he has another idea instead.

He will make Davis pay for the damages through money Davis may or may not (wink wink nudge nudge) receive from the Blake Mitchell Fan Club. To top it all off Davis will not get to start against NC State.

Meaning he will most likely sit out the first offensive play of the game, after all God Spurrier stressed yesterday that Davis “should be in the game pretty early (Thursday) night.”

That my friends is truly being a Disciplinarian Aficionado. Go Cocks!!

On the next OB(Sac)C Garnet Way learn why God Spurrier considers John Daly a “very close & special” friend.

The OB(Sac)C Garnet Way has been brought to you by Sho’nuff Bail Bonds the official bail bonding company of Gamecocks everywhere.

Posted in Crime & Punishment, Discipline, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Snitches, South Carolina Gamecocks, USC | Tagged: , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

USC Trojans like to scratch their genitals a lot

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 15, 2008

If you think the Gaytors are having a rough preseason with 5 ACL tears imagine 25% of your team with dreaded jock itch. Unfortunately for the USC Trojans they aren’t imagining it because it’s present day reality. At least according to the LA Times it is.

“As much as 25% of the team has been affected by the apparent run of tinea cruris, kicker David Buehler estimated. The condition seems to have spread by way of new compression shorts, or tights, worn under their football pants.”

Uh huh I do not believe that. I have a feeling Paris Hilton paid the team a visit if you know I mean.

“It burns,” Patterson said.”

Crab Lice have a tendency to do that. So I’ve been told. At least that’s what Billy Bob Bammer says.

This next quote cracks me up.

“Sometimes they can’t walk,” said tailback Stafon Johnson, who could giggle because he has remained itch-free. “I don’t know what it is, but I’m staying away from it.”

Song girls are nice, but nothing is without consequence, people.

Posted in Pac 10 football, Paris Hilton, USC, southern cal | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »