Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

The Aprils Fool Page

The Saddest Day of My Life by Billy Bob Bammer

Hi folks Billy Bob here. I remember this day alright. I was the lowest day of my life other than when Auburn beat my Tide for the sixth time in a row and when I found out my sister/wife was preggers again.

It was one year ago today, April 1st 07. This guy we know, Tennessee Eugene, told us he done saw the holy one at Jim’s Bar & Bait Shop drinking a 7&7. That’s right…The Bear was back!!!

After several of us cried for an hour…tears of joy mind you. We all headed over there to catch a glimpse of the great one. Several of townspeople were already there. The old, crippled and blind were allowed in line first. We all knew the Bear can cure them of their illness. Next in line were the fathers of gay children and the children themselves, we all knew the Bear could cure them as well.

About 5 hours later someone noticed the sign on Jim’s door that read “Closed till 04/08. Gone Fishing.” It took another three hours to find someone that could actually read in the crowd. RTR

After everyone realized this was nothing but an April’s Fools prank we all went to the burial site of the Bear and drank moonshine till we got angry. We then all storm into main street searching out for Eugene. We haven’t seen him since…but we hear his little laughter and that annoying Go Vols yell. That motherfucker. RTR

So just remember the Bear lives in all of us in our hearts. He’s everywhere. Well, except he ain’t in the win columns. We’ll get there…eventually. rtr


She’s A ‘Bama Cougar by Little Bear Cub

Alana Colette Connell is one sexy lady. And don’t you dipshits forget it. You clandestine sissy boys made fun of her last year kissing Nick Saban and getting arrested for DUI immediately afterwards. You fans of other schools are just jealous that a woman would take off of her job at Dollar General to attend a pep rally for the new coach. You wish you had fans as dedicated to the Capstone as Ms. Connell. She’s a Cougar.drunkfankissin.jpgNow that’s a fan. So what she had a few drinks too many? The cop that arrested her was a Barner. Those numbnuts from the Barn are just sooooooooooooooo jealous of our 12 prizes and the Paul “Bear” Bryant Museum. Remind me again who the fuck Pat Dye was? That’s right animal lovers, he ain’t even Bill Curry. Leave our George Dickel drinking cougar alone.Oh, and to show you some more talent from Tuscaloosa, not that these jackasses on this site know what beauty is, here you go:closeupled.jpg

Roll Tide Roll Bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Hey Kenneth Page We Want a Refund!!! by Billy Bob Bammer

Kenneth my boy! I Fed Ex’ed that $10,000 in good faith. Our agreement was $10,000 for an “official visit” and an additional $90,000 upon signing with Bama. rtr Not for you to pocket the money and sign with Clemson.

As an official Grand Dragon Master of the Tide Nation I demand a freaking refund. You have no idea how many text books our good players fenced in order to raise that money. Tell ya what you refund the money promptly and the Tide won’t crush by Clemson by 50, we will crush them by 49. Is that a deal? Remember Bama Nation is watching you…just like we were watching your Myspace when you posted that photo. RTR

I bet that’s a nasty Tennessee shirt he’s wearing. rtr!


Logan Young: Sacrificial Lamb by Little Bear Cub

300young_bryant_2751.jpgLook at Mr. Young. He looks so peaceful, stoic, determined, and defiant. Damned all of the legal troubles, he is a true sacrifice for the institution that we call Alabama football. I love this pic of Mr. Young. Hanging on the wall behind him is God in houndstooth, Coach Bryant. I dare not call Mr. Young by his first name, because he is too important in the annals of Alabama football.Some of us members of the now “Saban Nation” have distanced ourselves from Mr. Young. Not me. I fully embrace Mr. Young for his efforts to make sure that ‘Bama Ball keeps its rightful place among the top of college football. USC, Notre Dame, Ohio State, and Michigan football be damned. Alabama IS college football and the sacrifice that Mr. Young has made should be a shining example of giving up yourself for the greater good of Alabama football. RTR…I am getting almost misty eyed writing this, but if I can get at least one of my fellow ‘Bama brethern to see the light, then I will gladly dehydrate by ocular extraction for the greater good. After all, Mr. Young gave the ultimate gift in the name of Alabama football, so a few lost tears won’t hurt.Last December, before I made my winter hunting trip to Shreveport, I was in the Bass Pro Shop in Prattville looking for a brand new Benelli Super Nova w/ Steady Grip. This gun is perfect for hunting the native nutria in Shreveport. As I was holding the piece, a vision came upon me. As I made my purchase, I decided to name this particular gun Mr. Young. This gun would be used to pierce the hearts and heads of any prey that may come before me, just as Mr. Young used his incredible finances to ensure recruits land at Alabama. Anyway, after we set up our nutria blind in Shreveport, I got my gear on and loaded Mr. Young. As I laid down cabbage leaves in the nutria kill zone, I raced back to the blind until the first critter came out. I grabbed Mr. Young, saw the creature through my Bushnell scope, and squeezed the trigger. I caught that nutria right between the eyes. Mr. Young was accurate and deadly, just like the original. We ate plenty of nutria that night in December, along with some Golden Flake chips and a Coke, just like Bear did. The next night, we watched the Tide roll over those pagans from Colorado.

Mr. Young, you are gone, but this Little Bear Cub will never forget you or the sacrifice that you made for the University of Alabama. ROLL TIDE ROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I Freaking Hate Louisiana Monroe! by Billy Bob Bammer

So I was driving towards Monroe, Louisiana cause none of the blood banks in good ole Bama will buy my blood after that little Hepatitis C incident, when I came across this God forsaken billboard! I almost wrecked my 72 Ford pickup. That truck is priceless cause Jimbo tells me the Bear peed on the drivers side fender once. Those bastards! Look at this! I’ll never sell my Hepatitis C infected blood in this state again!


Coach Shula is Hired as Recruit Guru Something or Other by Billy Bob Bammer

That’s right folks. As you can tell by photo I’m proud to say that we here at Bama are proud and honored that Lord Saban has hired former coach Shula away from Jimbo’s Filling Station to be the new recruiting director.

Coach Shula will be in charge of calling all recruits and training them for how to act when the chosen one, Lord Saban comes to their school to bribe talk to them about attending Bama. Coach Shula will also handle all calls from recruits and money launder handle the Bama Alumni funds that is gathered for recruits.

And if that isn’t enough Coach Shula will also trim Lord Saban’s balls and be responsible for bathing, feeding and clothing the gimp. RTR

Woo Hoo looks like another number one recruiting class. The best $$ can buy


This Day in History by Billy Bob Bammer

On this day in history in 1970. The great one Bear Bryant came into the Bama locker room and said “Guess what men I haven’t had a drink all day.” Well, old Roscoe of Roscoe’s Mom & Daughter Strip Club was the center back then said “Come on Coach we all knows you’re sauced by 9:30 in the morning and here it is 12:00.”Well from what Roscoe says the entire team beat the living shit out of him and left him for dead in that now sacred spot where Lord Saban’s dog peed on last week. Then the Bear from his great one chair called down and said “HA! I got you sumbitches, April Fools. I really was sauced by 9:30 in this morning, actually it was more like 8:00 now take 2 laps!”I’m jealous of Roscoe, that sumbitch. RTR

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